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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s not the end of the world if he feeds to sleep

116 replies

KonaMum · 29/11/2018 10:57

DS is 12 weeks old and a great nighttime sleeper (sleeps at least 6 hours in one go every night, wakes for one feed and will settle himself if he stirs at other times) but his naps are a bit all over the place and at times he gets really overtired and grumpy. He has improved in the last couple of weeks but it’s still a struggle some days and there is no pattern or reliability. He would never just be put into a cot and go to sleep!

Someone on a group I’m in mentioned the Tracy Hogg EASY routine. Now in theory this is just what I was looking for - a routine but still flexible enough that I’m not enforcing anything strict or unreasonable. However DS will only feed to sleep or fall asleep in the sling. If I tried to get him to nap in his cot when he was still awake (no matter how many sleep signals he was giving me) he would just wiggle about until he got bored or overtired and then cry. He definitely would not fall asleep and no amount of shh-ing or patting would change that! Coincidentally - everyone says to pat baby’s back, how do you do this if they are lying in the cot?!

My plan for the time being is a feed, sleep, wake routine as he falls to sleep on the boob approximately half the time anyway and is getting better at being transferred into his cot, and any time he stays awake or wakes up mid-cot transfer, I’ll just pop him in the sling as he’ll almost definitely fall asleep then and at least he’s making that sleep time connection.

I’m really aware though that people seem to think feeding to sleep is this awful habit that you need to discourage. Why? Am I missing something?

OP posts:
RooKangaroo · 29/11/2018 12:49

There's a reason it works so well - because it's supposed to. At night-time, breast milk is produced with a hormone in it that makes babies/children more sleepy.

It only makes sense that something so soothing and comforting for babies and children (as well as being nutritious) would also help to send them to sleep gently and naturally.

Breast milk is magic.

KittensAndRainbows · 29/11/2018 12:52

Oh OP, what do you think cave mamas did... feeding and rocking to sleep is the most natural thing in the world. Your baby knows that if you put him down and he sleeps a sabre toothed tiger might get him, smart wee cookie. Give him what he needs. Rest assured he will not still be needing a boobie to sleep at 18... well, he might, but it won't be yours! Wink

ClickyJoints · 29/11/2018 12:53

I loved feeding to sleep! Kept it going for over 2 years. It's just so easy, there are no bedtime battles, if your toddler is tired/grumpy then you have something to instantly get them to doze off.when I returned to work dc slept well at nursery without any problems but at home we continued to feed to sleep

BertieBotts · 29/11/2018 13:09

Of course there's nothing wrong with it.

People seem to think that feeding to sleep makes them dependent on BF every time they come through a sleep cycle so every 45 minutes or so but I've never found this to be the case.

Or they think that it's important to be able to tuck your child in, say goodnight and close the door - which I totally see is an appropriate expectation at five or six years old, but when they're a little baby? Confused

You won't be feeding them to sleep when they're 10. And breastfed babies usually go to sleep fine for somebody else if you're not there. Or they stay up and wait for you to come back. It's really no big deal.

ZackPizzazz · 29/11/2018 13:23

It makes me quite sad that this query is so frequently posted and women are depriving themselves and their babies of this or feeling guilty about it. I absolutely love it when DS2 passes out on the boob and lies there snoring happy little baby snores. I stay there for as long as I can get away with.

Freezingheart · 29/11/2018 13:51

I always fed my dd1 to sleep. She was both hungry and a sucky baby. Eventually she grew out of it. Ds couldn’t care less and just wanted to fall asleep so I never bothered. Point is - some babies need this some don’t and making your life artificially harder is bonkers.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/11/2018 13:51

All babies are different, and all mums are too - do what works for you!

@ZackPizzazz - I agree with you - it is so sad when new mums are made to feel uncertain or insecure about the choices they are making for themselves and their baby.

And @BertieBotts is right too - they won't be this dependant for long, and they won't be feeding to sleep when they start senior school - but while they are this little, they need comfort and security, and there is nothing wrong with giving this by feeding them to sleep if that is what works for you and for them.

PerverseConverse · 29/11/2018 14:24

Sometimes my 3y 10 m old feeds to sleep. He only stopped doing it every night when he was 3. I love the times he still does and will miss it when he no longer wants to have a bedtime feed.

MoaningSickness · 29/11/2018 14:43

I remember reading a parenting book when I was pregnant that went in about not feeding to sleep and instead having a religious routine with bath/massge/book/etc as being 'better' and even then thinking it was impractical. I take my babies to hotels/other people's houses/camping etc. I can't recreate a routine in all those places, but you know what I do always have with me? My breasts.

Feeding to sleep is easier. Not feeding to sleep if you have the option is making a rod for your back as far as I'm concerned.

BertieBotts · 29/11/2018 15:03

YYY how long does it take faffing around with a routine to save 40 minutes of a feed? And not every baby even feeds for that long. And yes in theory if you have a bedtime routine instead someone else can do it but usually it's only the mums who read the books anyway and/or the husband doesn't bother to pitch in and/or the baby will only settle for one parent anyway!

I mean of course if you prefer the idea of a bath or whatever it's no bad thing to do that instead but it's an equal choice, not a superior one.

ForAMinuteThere · 29/11/2018 15:06

All of mine did this. All sleep just fine now!

BendingSpoons · 29/11/2018 15:23

Feeding to sleep was great. Life was so much harder when she stopped feeding to sleep! If they don't stop by themselves you can work on it when they are MUCH older.

Yidette86 · 29/11/2018 23:23

If it works for you do it...

Mine at 7 months sometimes falls asleep while feeding but normally wakes after they have finished the bottle now.

It use to work a treat though for the first 5 months (boob and formula - think the suckling combined with a full tummy makes them very relaxed) and I didn't feel bad doing it, you do what you need to do.

Athena51 · 29/11/2018 23:45

My DS was a big baby who I breast fed and he required a lot of feeding, he also wasn't much of a sleeper for the first year and quite frequently fell asleep on me while he was feeding.

To be honest I was so desperate for any sleep that I didn't mind this. When he was about 14 months he was just having a comfort feed morning and evening and started sleeping on his own with no problems. He gave up breast feeding of his own accord soon afterwards.

To reassure you he is now 24, has an excellent degree and is a teacher so me letting him go to sleep on the boob has not wrecked his life in any way. Just do your best mama and you and your baby will be fine.

DeathyMcDeathStarFace · 30/11/2018 01:18

I have 4 children and none of them liked to be put in the Moses basket/cot awake and left to go to sleep. For the first few weeks of their lives if they weren't up and looking about/entertained they were being fed to sleep or in a baby carrier or pushchair and lulled to sleep using movement.

I have fed 4 babies to sleep for the first few months of their lives, they gradually adapt and go to sleep on their own as they grow up and you train them to do it in whichever way works best for you.

captainproton · 30/11/2018 01:37

My understanding was that you shouldn’t feed a bottle to a baby and let them fall asleep (at least not st night) as the milk (formula or expressed milk) pools around the teeth and can promote tooth decay. But that breastfeeding means the nipple is drawn in behind the teeth and no milk pools and hence it’s ok for the teeth. This is possibly why books don’t recommend feeding to sleep?

I wouldn’t bother training any child to do anything until they are old enough to understand 18-24months, well mine anyway. They just want and need unconditional love and cuddles, to know you will be there when you need them.

everybodypuuuuulllll · 30/11/2018 01:52

EASY is bollocks. It's not evidence based, it's marketing. Very effective marketing too, it's sold a lot of books!

Feeding to sleep is how nature designed it. Ignore the marketing nonsense.

Trust your instincts and your baby's - sounds like they're working just fine :)

everybodypuuuuulllll · 30/11/2018 01:54

The UK has one of the lowest BFing rates in the world. We're really shit at it (as a country I mean, not as individuals).

And - we have books telling mothers to feel bad about feeding their babies to sleep / cosleeping / etc.

The two things are not unrelated IMO.

Winterhatsandgloves · 30/11/2018 01:57

I did with mine because it was easier and dc2 used to feed when I was asleep. However I had the bed against the wall, a rolled blanket against the wall ( not pillows!) and slept with baby bf between me and the wall. I also bf until they were er about 2 ish.

My dc are all excellent sleepers, never used a dummy, and often I would BF them to sleep then put them in their cot in my room, safer as I'm not going to bed at 6pm- then when they woke up they came in with me. I bf on my side. Much safer then falling asleep sitting up and dropping the baby.

Dc started sleeping through the night, didn't have any problems despite my mil telling me I'd regret it. I haven't - but all babies are different I suppose. Dc2 loved it more than dc1, but dc1 was a wriggler in sleep whereas dc2 loved to be cuddled all night.

ISaySteadyOn · 30/11/2018 06:41

I fed all mine to sleep. They're well past that stage but I loved doing it. As pp said above, we're mammals, we're supposed to do it hence why we have mammary glands.
You're fine OP. SmileFlowers

Yidette86 · 30/11/2018 09:19

They don't recommend bottle feeding to sleep when baby have teeth, my 7 month old still doesn't have teeth so not an issue.

As for the the topic of bf rates... Our country has no problem putting pressure on mothers to breastfeed, from the very moment we are pregnant it's drummed into us that it's what we should do but sadly there's not enough appropriate support and services. Everyone knows the benefits as we get told all the time but the actual support is appalling and then mum's are made to feel like guilty failures.

Then there's always a list of do's and don'ts for parents, you can't win no matter what you do so just do the best you can, every child is different and the "experts" seem to forget this and you get the high and mighty mums that think something is wrong just because they don't do it.

Being a parent is hard and confusing.

Bibijayne · 30/11/2018 09:22

My son is the same. 15 weeks. If you and he are healthy and happy all is good :)

Shednik · 30/11/2018 09:52

My four dc all fed to sleep into their toddler years. They are big children now and they don't any more.

It's such a non issue, OP, really don't give it another thought. Going agaibst what is natural baby instinct will only make your life harder and stress your baby.
Chuck the books away and respond to your baby is my advice!

NachosPlease · 30/11/2018 12:10

I’ve done it with both of mine, less hassle for everyone. They adapted at nursery when I wasn’t there, DS is 4 now and I stopped feeding him when he was 2.3 as I was pregnant. DD is 19 months now and still feeds to sleep about 50% of the time, the other 50% she settles with white noise or soft music, or the sling.

HoustonBess · 30/11/2018 12:39

Do what works for you. If it stops working for you, try something else. It really doesn't take that much to change a baby's habits if it doesn't work further down the line. This will probably when you start to find it hard to transfer the baby from your arms to a cot without him waking up/doing your back in.