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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my oh is passive agressive?

48 replies

Desperatetobeamummyonedaysoon · 28/11/2018 20:58

My OH doesnt live with me. Often i cook a tasty meal and he washes up.. fairly normal stuff but every so often he goes one step further and he cooks and washes up and then makes "jokey" comments like "you do alright dont you?!". Yest he cooked and then washed up when i was on school run so when i got home i txt him to thank him he txt back... "Yeah I'm a mug on the washing up...thought it would be nice for you though"
The day before I got home to find him washing up. I said thank you for doing that. His reply was
"Ive made it essier for you.. Ive done it all for you so theres nothing for you to do"
Am i being over sensitive?

OP posts:
wowfudge · 28/11/2018 21:01

He sounds like he's being a martyr tbh. Did you not say anything about doing the school run whilst he was washing up?

Sparkletastic · 28/11/2018 21:02

Not passive aggressive. Just a twat who thinks washing up is reserved for people with vaginas and he's doing you a huge favour by doing his share of the chores.

PawPawNoodle · 28/11/2018 21:03

The most he's doing is praise seeking, I'm not sure how you can view this as PA at all.

Lookatyourwatchnow · 28/11/2018 21:11

Fucking hell, he's only made some food and done some dishes, it's not like he swam in shark infested waters just to spear the fish himself to feed you all.

I make the tea and do the dishes every single night, I'm going to demand a parade in my honour.

AjasLipstick · 28/11/2018 21:13

I couldn't be in a relationship like that. Not a chance.

Measuring every little thing? NOPE!

AnoukSpirit · 28/11/2018 21:22

No, you're not being oversensitive.

He is being a dickhead, though.

Shit like this is the nasty, gradual, he-says-I-am-overreacting way abuse begins.

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

AtrociousCircumstance · 28/11/2018 21:24

Sounds a douche.

Ozziewozzie · 28/11/2018 21:28

@lookatyourwatchnow your comment so made me smile. Brass band, batons the bloody lot! Grin

prettypossums · 28/11/2018 21:29

Yes I can certainly see why you are annoyed, he sounds tedious

Powerless · 28/11/2018 21:48

He sounds like one of those misogynistic men who says derogatory things to overweight women. I've met many men like him before. Awful

Original poster
Desperatetobeamummyonedaysoon · 28/11/2018 22:13

Thanks for a your comments.. im stil so confused :-/

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 28/11/2018 22:18

So are the children his?

Do you ever go to his to eat?

He's bigging up what he does and wanting praise, which is stereotypically a very male thing to do.

Holidayshopping · 28/11/2018 22:20

He’s being a dick. Why is that confusing?

GunpowderGelatine · 28/11/2018 22:28

Well I think I speak for us all when I say: never ever live with him Op

Original poster
Desperatetobeamummyonedaysoon · 28/11/2018 23:40

So do most of your partners just crack on with things like washing up with no comment?

OP posts:
Original poster
Desperatetobeamummyonedaysoon · 28/11/2018 23:45

In reply, no my son isnt his

OP posts:
UpstartCrow · 28/11/2018 23:47

People who live alone have to do all their own housework, they don't have anyone to share it with. If he doesn't live with you, who does his ironing and washes his socks?

His comments are part of his training program to let you know what is an isn't acceptable. You are supposed to soothe his hurt feelings and pander to him.
Dont bother trying to fix him, he will only escalate. And he is a terrible role model for your son.

Aquamarine1029 · 29/11/2018 00:35

Your partner is a twat who thinks washing a few dishes make him a fucking superhero. What a dick.

BackforGood · 29/11/2018 01:02

.......and yet on another thread this week, many, many posters were saying yes, they expect to be thanked for doing everyday things like cooking a meal.

Seems it depends on your sex as to whether you are allowed to fish for a thank you or not Hmm

R0binh0 · 29/11/2018 01:18

I think cooking a meal deserves a mention if it’s taken some thought or skill rather than flinging a pizza in the oven (nothing wrong with that, just not all food is created equal).

I’m not going to lavish gratitude for basic necessary chores like washing up. Who else does he think will do it?

R0binh0 · 29/11/2018 01:19

Oh and it has nothing to do with the sex of the person cooking/cleaning!

KeiTeNgeNge · 29/11/2018 01:24

Adults cook and clean and wash dishes. Adults who are single manage to do this without bleating for applause. Do not move in with him

SandAndSea · 29/11/2018 01:28

Probably best not to move in with him. (Unless he cleaned the bathroom and ran the vacuum round at the same time, in which case, I might let it slide.)

OHolyNightOwl · 29/11/2018 01:29

No, my husband definitely does not expect praise for doing his part of the chores. Neither do I.
Expecting a thanks for dinner is completely different..it is just good manners to say thank you to the person who provided the food, even if it was takeaway or at a restaurant.

SD1978 · 29/11/2018 02:49

Is it only washing up, or does he make these kind of comments regarding everything, expecting praise for basic tasks? If it's only the washing up I might be able to cope. If it's across the board comments needing praise or telling you how good you've got it because of him, I'd be a bit more concerned if it was me.