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AIBU?

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Original poster

**Trigger Warning** Title edited by MNHQ Very distressing news story about murder of 24 day old baby

303 replies

A580Hojas · 28/11/2018 19:09

Aibu to not comprehend how it can be possible that newborn baby Stanley Davies, who had been in hospital on 3 occasions with broken ribs and limbs (if I am reading the reporting correctly) was sent back home with his parents and not removed from them by Social Services? I just cannot fathom how that could happen.

Someone is guilty of failing massively in their duty of care here (I refer to the professionals, not his parents). Unless any more knowledgeable Mumsnetters can explain to me how this might have happened?

OP posts:
TheBouquets · 28/11/2018 23:58

Printed envelopes. They are coloured with huge logo and instructions and the return address. They are window envelopes so it is not the recipients address that is printed

MrsTerryPratcett · 28/11/2018 23:59

EVERYONE: no older person or baby should ever go without anything.

ALSO EVERYONE: I don't want to pay extra taxes.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 29/11/2018 00:00

Ah, I see. So now you are claiming this is an issue to do with mismanaging funds, rather than SS doing anything wrong directly.

So you're going to apologise for earlier posts where you had a go at social workers themselves, I assume?

Tessliketrees · 29/11/2018 00:00

TheBouquets

No offence (and I mean that genuinely and not in an arsey way) but I don't know you. You PMing me a story with dates won't help.

I will say that I absolutely believe that social services and the police make inexcusable errors that have disastrous consequences and it's perfectly possible that you were a witness to one.

I don't think any system is infallible and the current system we have in CSC is a mess from top to bottom.

MrsTerryPratcett · 29/11/2018 00:00

FFS Bouquets 12 million of those envelopes wouldn't pay for a week of residential care for a child with disabilities and complex needs.

CheshireChat · 29/11/2018 00:03

My experience with SS was rather abysmal (the SW was let go so someone must've agreed) but I can't see was SS should've done here.

The police knew the mother was pregnant and their home life chaotic- did they raise this with SS, obviously a different story if they did and it's SS that never followed it up.

Her MW should've raised safeguarding concerns as well, presuming she attended antenatal appointments and if not, that should've been looked into.

Realistically SS should've been informed before that poor baby was even born and removed at birth- but if the other agencies didn't notify them then there's fuck all they could've done.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 29/11/2018 00:04

And yes, to add to this ridiculousness about SS: when I was in my teens SS fucked up with me. I had a moderately horrible childhood and a complacent social worker told me (really) that I had a nice home and should be grateful.

Ok, so he got it wrong. And I am allowed to be as bitter as I like about him. And god knows I am sure I would be incalculably more bitter if he'd made the same misjudgment about a child of mine.

But that doesn't mean I or anyone else can presume the entire system is uncaring, or that we can magic up money to support social workers just on the basis that 'we should all care about the kiddies'.

Tessliketrees · 29/11/2018 00:05

LRDtheFeministDragon

Maybe the social workers in the case she is on about were shit. There are terrible social workers.

A shit social worker who doesn't give a fuck and would never dream of going the extra mile could trundle along nicely for decades were as one who is giving their blood, sweat and tears will inevitably burn out sooner.

MrsTerryPratcett · 29/11/2018 00:05

Sorry that happened LRD.

Thanks
Tessliketrees · 29/11/2018 00:08

LRDtheFeministDragon

My point being that lack of resources creates a culture that retains the bad while shoving out the good.

But it's okay because the new plan of bribing middle class high flyers barely out of their teens into doing child protection work will surely work.

TheBouquets · 29/11/2018 00:09

I don't think the SS or Police acted appropriately in the situation so I don't see why I should apologise. It was as you would expect a build up situation. I don't think SS or Police should have let it build up or carry on so long. Police and SS are adults and decide their own actions. I wanted something done before it went so far.
People are telling me here that there is no budget for SS. SS are council dept. It would be financially prudent to dump the fancy envelopes and other wasteful items of expenditure and redirect to life and death issues.
When it is relatives of yours it becomes more urgent and more personal. I do not want any relative of mine treated violently and despite my efforts to alert SS and Police it went on for years.
I just wish they had acted sooner and saved people traumatic events. Police and SW are human and humans make mistakes but when life or lives are at risk it is a mistake too far.
SS did not apologise when the truth came out and for that I will never see that they accepted their wrong doing or mistakes.
Is there any reason why SS could not see they did wrong?
I don't suppose anyone could answer that

Valanice1989 · 29/11/2018 00:09

EVERYONE: no older person or baby should ever go without anything.

ALSO EVERYONE: I don't want to pay extra taxes.

Yup, that just about sums it up.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 29/11/2018 00:09

YY tess.

MrsTP, I'm fine, and I'm not saying that to suggest I'm not - I'm saying it to make the point that we have to distinguish between bad outcomes and bad support. Unfortunately, all the excellent and motivated social workers in the world, with the best funding in the world, won't eradicate violence. They won't stop all bad outcomes.

Likewise, even if some social workers are demonstrably not good - and in any job you get people who aren't good - that does not mean we can blame the entire profession.

Threadastaire · 29/11/2018 00:12

I don't think many of the posters in here have any concept of the sheer volume of children and families needing help.
For those harping on about inefficiencies, would it help if I told you that in our children's services dept we provide our own pens and notebooks, because they're considered non essentials we can do without? I've just jumped back on here after finishing recording on my laptop, that's six hrs worked over tonight for free. Our budget is hugely overspent on paying for extra agency staff (because noone wants the permanent jobs) and on the bill for residential placements (children's homes) which are literally thousands of pounds per week PER child.

Streamlining sending post in another council dept really isn't going to do anything. Spending to save - ie funding early help services, reinstating sure start centres, adequately funding the related areas like women's aid refuges, drug and alcohol services, universal credit - would be worthwhile. But it isn't a vote winner. It's much easier to say that bad things happen because 'people are evil' ergo the only solution is to shout at social workers and lament that we can't ban people from having children.

Threadastaire · 29/11/2018 00:16

NB sorry re cross posting with peoples personal stories. It's hard to hear of when SWs havent seen what's really going on but I remember those comments to always try and 'see behind the smile'. Sorry to anyone who has felt they haven't been protected.

Tessliketrees · 29/11/2018 00:19

I don't think many of the posters in here have any concept of the sheer volume of children and families needing help

Indeed, and that is dwarfed by the number of adults needing help which is sucking up every spare penny councils have.

I know I keep banging on about it but being an adult social worker feels like being on a bridge that is on fire and despite the screaming and smoke nobody really understands that the bridge is going to collapse and crush everything beneath it.

TheBouquets · 29/11/2018 00:20

@Threadastaire Your statement "Sorry to anyone who has felt they haven't been protected" brought me to tears. It is the first time anyone from SW has said such a thing in my presence. If only the SW who were in my real life presence could have said something like that.

MrsDylanBlue · 29/11/2018 00:24

Threads like these compound my thoughts of leaving.

I spend every day being ineffective and not good enough. Working hours that take me away from my own family that I am not paid for and paying for stuff I cannot claim back while not being able to give to my own kids.
While constantly being told by those up above that I am not good enough.

How long can you realistically do that for?

NoMoreMarathons · 29/11/2018 00:29

ER yes.... I say 'stepfather' not sure why it's any different. That's according to oxford dictionary ( wasn't going to bother putting it here ,it's petty,but I see you are niggling over addressed envelopes which isn't as relevant anyway)

She says in the video he's 'off his medication'

He's got ADHD so not sure what the meds would be for that.

**Trigger Warning** Title edited by MNHQ Very distressing news story about murder of 24 day old baby
NoMoreMarathons · 29/11/2018 00:30

mrsD don't go thinking you are ineffective or not good enough. You are.

Valanice1989 · 29/11/2018 00:31

Bouquets, the cost of envelopes is a drop in the ocean when you consider how much funding social services requires.

TheBouquets · 29/11/2018 00:34

@Valanice It would be a start.
@MrsD Don't give up people need you
@Threadastaire Don't even think of leaving. I assume you are a SW. You are what is needed.

Defenbaker · 29/11/2018 01:16

Heartbreaking story. They keep showing the same photo of him, and in that photo he looks so beautiful, his features look so perfect, I couldn't help thinking that he would have made an ideal baby to feature in adverts for baby products. Instead the poor little mite's life was cut short when it had barely begun. It seems they cannot really prove which one of them dealt the fatal blow, but they both know the truth. Even if the mother didn't harm the baby herself, she failed to protect him, so can't be considered innocent, in my eyes.
At least if they are both locked up they can't conceive any more children, so hopefully no more will suffer at their hands.

BeaLola · 29/11/2018 01:36

I have tucked my beautiful DS in bed tonight beyond grateful that SWs removed him from his birth parents as they could not keep him safe and were more interested in their lives than prioritising him.

During our long journey to adopt I met fab SWs and not so great but above all I realised just how many children there were out there needing love and a secure home and it's truly heartbreaking.

RIP Stanley.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 29/11/2018 07:03

Look had these individuals not been quite so brutal they would have come
To someone’s attention . Eventually . But it’s took them less than 3 weeks . Such a short time

Quite what the answer is I don’t know . Many things are preventable . But we can’t prevent evil people and we can’t prevent them having kids .

I despair about child social care a bit . The social workers are under funded and over worked . I look at my
Job and imagine having the same pressure but knowing the result is a damaged child (rather than a missed commercial deadline ) and i feel so much empathy for them .

How many mid wives will have gone home with a Worried feeling about a pair of parents ? Knowing that something is awry but there is no sound basis ? Yet ...

How many doctors are operating on 6 hours sleep at the end of a 22 hour shift ?

We can’t blame the workers here

And this will happen again , and is happening right now