To want the key back?

[lizzlebizzle33]

PIL have a key to our house, it was left with them when they babysat the DCs about a year ago.

Trouble is they decided it was a good idea to hang on to it in case they needed it again, to drop the DCs off or in case we lose ours.

Initially I was fine with that and agreed, but now they just turn up to our house unannounced and let themselves in, no knocking or anything.

To make it worse, DMIL also likes to just look through the window first before she even gets to the front door. It's really driving me bonkers.

AIBU to be so bothered by this? It just seems so rude. DP had a key to their house but it was his home for 25 years so I guess letting himself in isn't quite the same, they have never lived in my house but think it's fine to just unlock the door and come in.

DP had taken ds1 out for a walk one day and I was BF ds2 and trying to get him to sleep upstairs in our bedroom, and DMIL just turned up and waltzed in the door, then came upstairs!!! I find it so bizarre that they think this is fine but I really don't know how to bring it up, or get the key back.

I would change the locks and put mirror film in the window.

It the looking through the window that gets me most, I do on occasion (if DCs are napping ) get dressed downstairs after a shower, she would get an eyeful if she happened to peer in then.

*I am certain that once they realised we had changed the locks they would ask for a key.
MIL has already commented that she doesn't have a key that it's on FILs keys and she needs one too!! *

You just need to mention to them that you're having the locks changed (to a more secure lock or whatever excuse you come up with) and since they're not babysitting anymore you'd prefer that they just knocked from now on. If they ask why say for privacy or you might not be decent. DH should really be dealing with this though!

Tell your husband he has to get the key back and have a clear conversation with them about boundaries or you're getting the locks changed. I could never live like this.

I am certain that once they realised we had changed the locks they would ask for a key.

Then you need to tell them it is because it is inappropriate that they kept on coming into your house. It will be one short and probably awkward conversation but it will set the boundaries and they will not come into your house again.

Can you lock the latch of the lock (we can do this by pushing a button up, means a key cannot open it from the outside). OR put a chain on the door when you are in,

Have you (or your DP) actually told them that it bothers you? Going to the hassle of changing the locks without speaking to them sounds unnecessary hostile. Reading between the lines, your DP lets himself in to their house so they may just think it's normal?

We have the ABS keys and I agree they’re a good plan. You can sell it to her as a security upgrade. It does make me happier giving it to the plumber knowing they can’t make a copy.

Just tell her she scared you as you were not expecting visitors and you want her to ring the doorbell before using her key.

Just tell them! It's really not appropriate, it's very rude and it doesn't matter who you are, you can't just go around barging into peoples houses!

If your front and back door are the same style swop the barrels. When she tries the door say the key must be broken and take it off her right there and then.
Just forget to replace.

Tell your partner to put a stop to it, he’s needs to tell them how unacceptable this is.

I had some more keys made yesterday for an Ultion lock and the locksmith also said that I shouldn’t keep the key in the door as it would invalidate my house insurance. I’m not entirely sure of the whys and wherefores but I’ve taken his advice and have a set of keys now within easy reach in my bedroom!

We had a similar problem, PIL would let themselves in whilst we were at work / on holiday, and poke about. I found it really intrusive, my parents would never dream of doing it.

My DP pretended he'd lost his key so asked to borrow theirs until he could get another cut, then just never gave them another one.

They haven't asked for it back, but if they ever do we will just simply tell them no.

Changing the locks seems a bit drastic, plus if they will just ask for a new key then it doesn’t avoid the issue, it’s going to come up either way. Can you just get DP to have a word with them about knocking and boundaries?

We have had the same issues so I feel your pain, it can seem rather intrusive!

Can the police not be involved and force them to hand the key over? If you've asked for it back then it's technically theft and could allow them to trespass in your home, regardless of whether it's your PIL or some random on the street it needs to be dealt with swiftly

Involving police seems a little extreme...and I'd imagine they will suggest the same thing - TALK to them first.

Ask for the key back. Say you've lost one of yours. Then get some blinds so she can't look in the window.

I had some more keys made yesterday for an Ultion lock and the locksmith also said that I shouldn’t keep the key in the door as it would invalidate my house insurance.

Thing is, with a key in the lock (and turned) it's impossible for anyone with another key to get in.

Ever since we had our wooden Yale-lock door changed for a uPVC one, I've commented we've lost something with these new locks (the ability to close a door and have it lock without a key for a start). But apparently I don't know what I'm talking about. That's before we get into the fact that you need a key to unlock the door from the inside (so bad luck if you're fleeing in terror). That's unless you fit a thumbturn instead of a key (and gawd knows what insurers would make of that )

Can the police not be involved and force them to hand the key over?

Where do you live, Aidensfield circa 1960?

Police?

The OP doesn't say she's asked for the key back. I'm presuming she hasn't.

It’s perfectly reasonable of you to ask for the key back, stating that they were given a key for emergencies (not to let themselves into your home when they feel like it). If they kick off then tell them you’ll have no option but to change the locks.

No I haven't asked for it back yet, they are so easily offended, especially MIL, really don't want to upset them but I know we have to have a conversation about them letting themselves in, just so worried they will take it as we don't want them round anymore as that isn't the case. And they do a lot for us and the DC.

Thing is when you don't lay down what's expected from the off boundaries get blurred.

Just get DH to talk to his parents.

Change the door lock for a code then they can be given the code for emergencies when you phone to get them to do something and once that's sorted you change it.