About the sodding 48 hour rule?

[BloodyHilariousThatIs]

Dd is 15 and hates school. She really thinks that it’s a cheek that she’s forced to go, and does everything in her power to get out of going.
She was caught skiving off by the police, who had a stern talking to her but she still try’s at least 3 times a week to get out of going.

Seen the school counsellor, had tons of meetings with the well-being officers and welfare officers - there are no bullying or other issues other than she just hates it.

She’s cottoned in to the 48 hour rule for sickness, and for the past few weeks I’ve had a phone all from the sick bay saying she’s said been sick and I have to collect her and keep her off for 48 hours.

I know she’s probably not been sick. The school know she’s probably not been sick, but because of this policy she’s getting away with it, and she had 8 days off this last month. Luckily authorised absence but that’s not the point.

Has anyone got any suggestions of how best to handle this? Any way I can challenge the school when they ring? I’m at the end of my tether and don’t know where to turn.

would telling her “I’m worried about how often your being sick so we are going to the GP” make her see sense?

We’ve been to the GP, I suffered from stomach migraines as a teen so thought it could be something like that, and have also asked for a referral to cahms to see if there’s an underlying issue but there’s nothing physically wrong except she hates school

As soon as I’ve collected her from school she’s fine. I’ve not actually seen/heard her be sick at all

Can you talk to the school and tell them that you don’t believe she is being sick and ask what they think and what they can do to support her staying in school?

YANBU to feel frustrated. I would definitely look into the reasons why she's so desperate to avoid school - I know you've said there's no bullying but is there any other issue? Anxiety about work? Does she have friends?

Home schooling . Then look in college for 16 to 18 bit so she can get the basics .

A sixth form college or equivalent, with vocational courses, might suit her better from next year. Get her to go in for minimal while she is still at school, tell her you might get in real trouble if she doesn't and she'll probably make the effort.

Hard, isn't it? However a lot can change in a short time and things may improve in the near future.

I've been there!

for you.

Surely a discussion with school could clear this up?

My DS did this several times in primary school and I went in and spoke to school. We came up with a plan that when he started complaint of sickness there would be an intervention/distraction. If they still insisted and came to the medical room the staff there would try to stall and work out what was wrong. If I got the call it was agreed that I could take DS back to school next day provided they were not actually sick. Because the sickness rule works, but we also need to be a little bit more flexible and understand that a child who is saying sick to get out of school can absolutely return next day

What is she doing once home? Make it zero fun. No screens, no anything, just sleep. Because, after all, she's sick.

She can leave when she is 16 as long as she then goes into an apprenticeship or a traineeship. Perhaps if she is totally against staying at school, you could talk to her about what she'd do if she left. She might be happier once she is doing something she enjoys.

When you get her home, what happens? If she is sick then bed, boring plain food, no socilaising out of house, no WiFi (maybe for short periods of time)etc as she needs to "rest" for the 48hrs. That might stop it if it is being put on.

It’s a pity that between you and the school you couldn’t actually break this rule in a way. Instead she must come back in but will be kept in isolation ( to prevent any germ passing on). Also not allowed out in the playground for the same reason

Homeschooling not an option - I have to work!

She goes to her room and gets in bed. I take her phone and laptop (we have the housephone for emergencies) so god knows what she does. I can’t have time off work so I literally collect, drop at home then leave again.

School have been helpful in trying to get to the bottom of the issues - they let her drop Welsh gcse as she was struggling, but they have to follow this stupid policy just in case.

She turns 16 next September at the start of year 11 and although I really want her to carry on and her her GCSEs I know if she thinks she can leave she will (were in Wales to they don’t have to stay on til 18)

OP I really feel for you. I was a bit of a nightmare with skiving when I was that age. There was nothing up at school, I just couldn't be bothered going.

I eventually left when I was 16 and got an Apprenticeship - where I soon learned that skiving was not an option!

Is there anything bothering her at school? Or has she just had enough?

Does anyone know what would happen if I refused to collect her?

Aside from speaking to school I would be wary of taking everything from her when she is home. She sounds as if she is quite down and leaving her isolated in her bed without even her phone is a sure fired way to send her further down.

Is she really “skiving” or does she hate school that much? What alternatives have you looked into? Forcing someone into a situation that causes them anxiety or unhappiness is not going to help her future - it’s just storing up problems.

Does anyone know what would happen if I refused to collect her?

You will end up in a ridiculous battle with school. Can you not go in and discuss a way forward?

saj90 nothing that anyone has found so far. She’s quite popular, has a good group of friends and is actually quite bright - predicted A and B in all subjects despite missing lessons. She just doesn’t like being told what to do

If you refuse to collect her then I suspect she will just stay in the sick bay until the end of the school day - that's what happens at our school anyway.

The bigger issue though surely is what the hell she is going to do when she leaves school if she had no qualifications. At 15 it's all very well refusing to go, but does she expect to just sit around at home once she's 16 and that you'll continue to support her? Life is tough for kids without any qualifications. Does she understand the ramifications of just bunking off and not doing her exams? Do you expect her to to get a job if she's not at school? Does she intend to do that? Does she realise that as a 16-year-old with no GCSEs her entire life is going to be one of low-wage work and probable poverty? If you've never had that conversation, it might be worth having it with her right now before she completely stuffs up her future.

It's not a stupid policy, it prevents sickness bugs being passed around. The problem is your daughter's issues which need addressing and the school needs to be involved but it's not the fault of this policy per se.

Something doesn't sound quite right. She hates school that much that she would rather lay in her bed doing nothing? Is this a recent thing? Could there be cyber bullying or something else going on?

She just hates it.

GP doesn’t suspect depression or anxiety but he referred to cahms to be on the safe side.

Since September ive had 12 meetings with the school about her. She was going to her tutor room, getting her mark then leaving which she got away with until the police Psco caught her, so they’ve given her this card that has to be signed by each teacher at the end of lessons.

whilst I have every sympathy with her not wanting to go to school seeing as our education system is a nightmare - whole other thread - have you asked her about her plans? The sad fact is that these days you do need at least a maths and English GCSE to get anywhere, even as a mature student.

If she had a goal, would that help?

It is a shame you are not in a position to home school.

Have you or the school considered CAMHs to get to the route of why she is doing this? School isn't suited to everyone but it could be something else is going on. This would come under school refusal in their eyes I would think