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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it okay to touch peoples pregnancy bump?

89 replies

Baconbaconbacon · 28/11/2018 08:15

So I have no bump to speak of so far (well I do if you count bloatyness and fat!). A good friend of mine keeps saying how she's so excited to 'feel bump' etc and asking if I have one yet (we work together and wear very baggy uniform so not easy to see). At the weekend I saw my SIL who I don't see very often and she ran forward and started touching my stomach? I said baby is tiny and there is nothing to feel yet and she just laughed!

I mentioned all this to my sister and she said ah it's acceptable when you're pregnant everyone does it!

Aibu? I think I'm quite self conscious anyway so fully ready to be told to suck it up and it's just another joy of pregnancy!

OP posts:
Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 28/11/2018 10:25

I only let my husband and our daughter touch mine and only let DH when pregnant with DD.

I hate it! You wouldn't touch my belly and any other time so why people think they can now just confuses me!

Minimincepies · 28/11/2018 10:28

I went out for a meal with my sports team when I was about 8 months pregnant, at one point the baby was visibly kicking and I was surrounded by 6 excited women ALL trying to feel my bump at the same time. It was a bit much. Definitely okay to ask people not to do it in my opinion.

NewLevelsOfTiredness · 28/11/2018 10:29

Think that's bad?

My girlfriend is 22 weeks pregnant. We have just come back from visiting my parents and were at passport control at the airport. Whilst on holiday I felt the first faint kick.

The passport controller asked my 8yr old SD if she was getting a little brother or sister. She answered "Yes" then very quickly lifted up my girlfriend's top and said "do you want to feel her kick?" Blush

There was a conversation about boundaries when we got home.

SunnyG0507 · 28/11/2018 10:30

I really didn't like people to touch or even
pat, rub, my bump when I was pregnant, especially those who didn't ask first and especially when I felt a bit worried/unwell that day. I suppose no one will do the same thing to any other people without the bump, so why it's just ok to the pregnant woman???

overagain · 28/11/2018 10:37

I treat it the same as any other touch - is it ok for the person touching me to do so without asking? A hand squeeze of gran, yep, that's ok (so a bump rub would also be ok for me), a bum squeeze from pervy uncle rob, not ok. So no, uncle rob couldn't rub my bump. Randomer in the street? Nope. etc...

ladycarlotta · 28/11/2018 10:39

Oh, I hate it. I don't even like it when my mum does it unsolicited. I get that people are excited, but why does that override all other social norms?

I don't mind when people ask first, and if the baby starts moving when I'm with friends/family I will ask them if they want to feel - I really do WANT them to have that moment with the baby, but right now they can't have it without going through me. Baby-vehicle or not, I'm still a person and I should still get to choose who touches me and when.

thinkIwillexplode · 28/11/2018 10:41

I don't get it, before you touch a newborn you ask if it's okay and wash your hands first and understand if the baby is asleep you just leave them be

But in a belly people feel entitled

You would get done for assault if you randomly went around touching non pregnant women without consent

Stop it everyone!

LilLido · 28/11/2018 10:42

Friends/family whatever no different than hugging or touching my arm but strangers? NOPE.

LittleScottieDog · 28/11/2018 10:52

I was 17 weeks when my cousin's husband congratulated me and patted my bump. She instantly told him off for it but I didn't mind because we're close.

No-one else has tried since. I like to think if a stranger tried I'd shove their hand away and say it's not appropriate but knowing me, I'd smile uncomfortably and just let them get on with it.

0lgaDaPolga · 28/11/2018 11:07

No it’s not ok. My mil who I don’t get on with came inappropriately close, rubbed my belly and said ‘you look after MY granchild’ It made me feel horrible, like a surrogate carrying a baby for her. I don’t like being touched by anyone really apart from my husband so it really felt horrible. Not ok.

Avasmum17 · 28/11/2018 13:01

Think I’m the only one here after reading the comments that is struggling to understand the outrage- I do get that it’s a bit weird a stranger doing it when you’ve literally just met, for me especially if it’s a man, think they should ask first but if it’s family or friends I think it’s a really caring, affectionate gesture and I was more miffed if people didn’t show any interest in my bump! I like hugs etc anyway so maybe it depends on how touchy-feely you are but the way I see it it’s a well intentioned gesture meant to show care -just like you’d pat someone on the shoulder or back to show support or encouragement.
(The story about the man at the airport lifting someone’s top up it’s too far though! 🤦‍♀️)

harrypotterfan1604 · 28/11/2018 13:11

I don’t mind close friends and family touching my bump but hate it when strangers try it.
I was in a restaurant over the weekend and a waitress came over to me looking overly happy and said awww you’ve got a tiny little bun in the oven that’s so cute, she had her arms outstretched as if she was going to touch me. I thought it was really weird. I sit said yes I have I’ll have a Diet Coke please and say down before she could touch me 🙈

Member984815 · 28/11/2018 15:39

No , never unless you are invited to touch someone it's unacceptable.

Bigonesmallone3 · 28/11/2018 15:46

I'm 11 weeks pregnant and last week my FIL touched my bump/bloated tummy.. felt awkward 🤮

Original poster
Baconbaconbacon · 28/11/2018 18:08

Wow thanks for all the replies :-)

I don't have a great relationship with sil and I guess I'm worried about making it worse! Ditto mil who I'm seeing next week for the first time in a few weeks. I know there will be a lot of touching and I just don't like it but also dont want to make it awkward!

On a separate note I do think once you're pregnant people seem to think you're a free for all! As a previous poster said I've had people saying ooo let's see how big you get etc and asking personal questions! It's so rude! If one more person asks if baby was planned I might start making up an elaborate story 😂

OP posts:
Grumblepants · 28/11/2018 18:12

I don't much like being touched anyway, but when I was pregnant a friend used to come up to me and RUB my stomach!! I hated it, it drove me to tears. Don't bloody RUB me!

toastfiend · 28/11/2018 18:14

I'm 26 weeks now and I hate it when people do this! Very close friends or my Mum I'm OK with (in small doses!) but they know me well enough to know I'm not particularly comfortable with it so keep it to a minimum. People I don't know very well, just no, but they're always the ones that do it the most! I cannot fathom why anyone thinks it's OK.

verite · 28/11/2018 18:15

It happened to me on occasions. I hated it.

tor8181 · 28/11/2018 18:53

i used to get it constantly

i go massive when pregnant and showed early on the last baby(well ive only the 2)

from 6-7 months onwards i went up to a size 30,i was a size 18 to start

i had that big of a baby belly i couldn't really walk properly

i live in a small welsh village in the valleys that hasnt really moved on (its literally like what people think wales was in the olden days films)
majority are a older generation and everyone knows your business

most people knew it took 4 years for me to conceive and that i was on fertility treatment so when i started to show early around 3-4 months i used to get people come up to me all the time touch it and say wow look how big you are how manys in there?10x worse when i got to 6-7 months,by full term i was a 34

baby come out at nearly 9 pounds but 26 inches then you get the i want to touch the newborn people

Lozzy25 · 28/11/2018 18:58

I wouldn't touch someone's bump unless they offered me to or asked me to feel it 😊 I like my personal space and I wouldn't like people always touching my (hopefully soon to be) bump!

Satsumaeater · 28/11/2018 19:08

Definitely not acceptable. It didn't happen to me except one time when my next door neighbour touched my bump near the end. I let it go because she was generally nice and was obviously not being horrible, but I wasn't that happy about it.

PunkrockerGirl59 · 28/11/2018 19:12

No I don't think its ok it used to really piss me off. I haven't been pregnant since 1995 and I can still remember how angry it used to make me Grin

masterandmargarita · 28/11/2018 19:14

I didn't mind in the least. It's just a baby bump!

Eilaianne · 28/11/2018 19:26

I don't get the fascination nor why people suddenly forget about acceptable touching boundaries!

I'm a bit Shock at the interviewee though, that one's even weirder

OP you have a duty to call it out - if you're not comfortable with it (and I wouldn't be, I'm not a hugger and would probably step back automatically in that situation) other pregnant women may be like you in future ... But no one will have pointed out that it's considered normal to ask before touching someone intimately!