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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it okay to touch peoples pregnancy bump?

89 replies

Baconbaconbacon · 28/11/2018 08:15

So I have no bump to speak of so far (well I do if you count bloatyness and fat!). A good friend of mine keeps saying how she's so excited to 'feel bump' etc and asking if I have one yet (we work together and wear very baggy uniform so not easy to see). At the weekend I saw my SIL who I don't see very often and she ran forward and started touching my stomach? I said baby is tiny and there is nothing to feel yet and she just laughed!

I mentioned all this to my sister and she said ah it's acceptable when you're pregnant everyone does it!

Aibu? I think I'm quite self conscious anyway so fully ready to be told to suck it up and it's just another joy of pregnancy!

OP posts:
onthenaughtystepagain · 28/11/2018 08:42

When did this trend to groping start? I had two babies in the '70s and don't recall it happening at all, they wouldn't have done it twice that's for sure!

Sparklesocks · 28/11/2018 08:43

Some women are comfortable with it and others very much aren’t, so it’s only ever ok if they ask first.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 28/11/2018 08:44

It's a huge no no! I'd never do it and I'd hate to just be touched. I'd say no if I was asked though, too. It's not a toy.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 28/11/2018 08:44

Grin at them stroking your bowels

Actually that would be a good tactic. All innocent, wide eyed.... I think that's actually my bowels you're touching.

They would so back the fuck off.

MsHopey · 28/11/2018 08:46

Nope.
I hate it. I'm overweight and insecure.
18 weeks pregnant and I'm in that "getting a bump but I just look fatter" stage.
DH told a work colleague (who I don't even know) we was expecting a baby, and she touched my (honestly) overhang of fat and said congratulations.
Cringe. Awkward. I hated it.
I kind of don't have a backbone, so I just kind of stood there and let it happen. 😫😫😫

ChocolateTearDrops · 28/11/2018 08:48

I don't like hugs so any bump botherers I backed away really quickly or grabbed the hand and squeezed it in a not quite a handshake way. People should ask if they can touch and respect your decision. It's your body! And as pp have said, most people are touching in the wrong place. Hmm

tsonlyme · 28/11/2018 08:48

Verbena 🤣

I love the idea of touching their tummy back, possibly with a stony glare directly into their eyes.

Eminybob · 28/11/2018 08:49

I just don’t understand why anyone feels the need to? What are they expecting to feel? It’s just a belly! Very unlikely they are going to feel any movement unless you are really far along, if that’s what they are hoping for. And in the beginning mine was mainly just fat. I used to hate hate hate people touching me.
Although now the baby is out and people feel it’s acceptable to try and touch him instead. People are weird and have no boundaries.

Redgreencoverplant · 28/11/2018 08:50

Not acceptable!

The worst one I had was when I interviewed someone and instead of shaking my outstretched hand they without asking rubbed my bump instead!

Mulberry72 · 28/11/2018 08:52

It’s a long time since I had a bump (DS is now 12), and I hated anyone touching my bump apart from DH feeling kicks Smile

It’s definitely not ok just to touch you.

Willow2017 · 28/11/2018 08:56

No its not.

People would never dream of rubbing your belly if you werent pregnant so why is it ok when you are?

When i was pregnant we were a close team at work but people always asked if they could feel baby kicking once i was big enough to do that. I didnt mind at all but i would have been pissed if someone just ran up to me and did it. Never mind random strangers.
Its not ok any other time so why is it ok then?

Tell them that you have never had the urge to grope thier lower pelvis so why do they want to touch yours? Ask them They do know that baby wont be high enough up to feel for months? Why do they want to feel your intestines? All wide eyed innocence😉

Runningishard · 28/11/2018 08:57

I hated people touching mine and have zero desire to touch anyone else’s even if invited too!

OutPinked · 28/11/2018 08:57

It’s a really weird thing to do imo. It’s similar when people stroke someone’s hair because it’s curly or fuzzy or whatever- always found that weird too. Basically unless a person gives you permission, don’t touch them. Don’t feel obliged to let people touch you if you don’t want them to either.

Willow2017 · 28/11/2018 09:00

The worst one I had was when I interviewed someone and instead of shaking my outstretched hand they without asking rubbed my bump instead!

Bloody hell i hope you slapped thier hand away, thats nuts! Hope you didnt have to hire such an entitled loon who had no clue about social/physical boundaries, what a fab first impression they made!

Alfie190 · 28/11/2018 09:08

I have never been pregnant myself but no I cannot imagine that it would be ok to touch somebody else's bump!

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 28/11/2018 09:11

I don't mind people I know touching mine, but that's my personal preference. Not so keen on strangers touching me. But it's ok for you to not be happy about it, you just have to say something, though people might think you are being a bit off (you're not!).

Redgreencoverplant · 28/11/2018 09:13

Thankfully they did not do well at the interview questions Willow!

BuggerandBalls · 28/11/2018 09:15

No, no, no. Unless they’ve asked and you’ve said yes - good friends were allowed to feel baby kicking once I got to that stage, but randoms definitely weren’t!

(A friend’s girlfriend, after talking about how I should wear black “because it’s slimming” and going into details about how pregnant bodies freak her out, made a move to touch the bump. I honestly don’t think the voice I summoned to tell her “do not touch me” could have been more sinister).

Maelstrop · 28/11/2018 09:37

Not a pregnancy bump, but a new colleague and I were sitting eating lunch together and she started stroking my arm! I was not happy! I don't like being touched except by my DH. I'm aware this may make me sound weird, but I can't bear space invaders. Someone was sitting next to me in a meeting yesterday and kept knocking my leg: I ended up half on the (fortunately empty) seat to the other side.

I wouldn't dream of touching a pregnancy bump or anything else for that matter!

elliejjtiny · 28/11/2018 09:43

Definitely not ok, although lots of people do it. I didn't mind dh or the dc doing it, and when dh's 8 year old cousin asked me nicely if she could feel ds1 kicking that was fine too but I hated it when anyone else did it.

Nolagerformethanks · 28/11/2018 09:59

Currently 34 weeks pregnant and yes this happens a lot! 5 separate people have done it to me, 4 asked and I said yes as they are close friends and it didn't bother me too much, 5th is partner's uncle who lunges for my bump everyone he sees me, if I have a coat on or something he 'says oh move the coat lets see bump' etc. Bit weird but he never asks and just touches! I would never dream of doing that, I never quite understand people wanting too either it's not like baby is going to give you a high 5 or anything!

thinkIwillexplode · 28/11/2018 10:11

No, stop it

Louise856 · 28/11/2018 10:15

It is a bit weird really but I genuinely think most people who do it are just excited for you and about the life growing inside you - they don’t mean any malice, it’s a loving thing. But I know I did find it a bit funny when people did it to me when pregnant although it didn’t bother me hugely. If you don’t like it then feel free to tell people you don’t like it - you shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable but I wouldn’t get offended by it. Just remember the intentions are usually from a good place!

Bibijayne · 28/11/2018 10:23

Unacceptable without permission.

SummerStrong · 28/11/2018 10:24

No it is not ok.