black hair

[iamstill]

I live in a predominantly white village and 2 year old who just started nursery is the only black child there. i went to pick my son up and key worker through conversation told me how other kids have been touching his hair which she finds humorous. He hair is cut low. ( like Charles on strictly ). She then asks me what i call what's on his head?? I'm like hair just like yours. im really upset because my son is not a spectacle and should not be treated as such and it should be explained to kids its rude. Would they allow that to be done to a child that looks different (ab amputee for e.g) My son doesnt go about touching Caucasian hair or rubbing their skin when he plays with our friends. What do you think?

Theyre 2 years old and curious

I really wouldnt care

i can.understand they are curious but i think it should not be encouraged. we wouldn't let our curious kids touch another child who looks.different. for example had a disability just to satisfy their curiosity.

Maybe not to touch but discuss and make aware of perhaps. The fact is, he is different. Not better, not worse but different and perhaps it is a good opportunity for nursery to celebrate differences as in we may look different but we are the same underneath. I can understand you wouldn't want him to be highlighted as some sort of curiosity to be played with though.

Jesus. That’s awful. Children might be curious (although frankly I don’t think that’s quite normal in my experience of 2 year olds) but the nursery staff should be nipping this in the bud and explaining that some people have different colour skin.

I think it’s quite humiliating for your son and the nursery staff you spoke to sound very arrogant. Maybe you could put in a complaint, saying you want them to deal with this differently. What do you think about changing nurseries OP?

Sorry the nursery staff sound ignorant, not arrogant

Really? You're equating your son's dark hair to having a disability/(ab amputee for e.g)???

My white child came home from nursery wanting to look like his black friend.
Wtf they're innocent kids that are enthralled with each other

They should definitely redirect the kids when they go to do that and the nursery worker/teacher needs some common sense training. What sort of person is confused about what to call a black person's hair. Yes the children are curious but they should not be allowed to touch your son's hair without his say so and taught that that is not appropriate otherwise they won't know in future. I've always had long blonde hair and the kids in my nursery would attempt to play with or brush it and I hated it but it was 'ok' according to the teacher as they didn't mean any harm. I'm autistic and cannot tolerate people touching my hair or head and not having the right to say no or stop them was horrible. Your son deserves better and I'd report the issue to whoever is in charge of the nursery and bring it up with the teacher herself.

She sounds a bit thick. I’d bring it up with the nursery manager first thing and treat it as a training issue. Yes, the children are curious but her attitude is terrible. As your ds has just started nursery it probably stop will naturally as the children were in reality just exploring. However you need reassurance that it will be stamped out.

The kids should start to be taught to respect others' bodies.

The key worker sounds incredibly ignorant.

I'd request a meeting and tell them that they need to tackle it. The white kids' curiousity doesn't trump your sons right not to be poked and prodded. He's not an animal at a petting zoo. And the key worker sounds like a complete idiot with her 'what do you call what's on his head' comment.

Hmmm I am white. My hair is black. I have always had loads of comments growing up. Especially because I am quite fair skinned. I was also born with so much hair, my. Used to have to clip it away from my eyes as a new born. It's always been long and kids always wanted to play with it.

The kids touching it would not bother me. But the nursery staff should be distracting them away. The question about what you call it, would bother me. That's not ok.

Why is it a problem? It's young children in admiration of their peers. You should be proud

I think what is likely to have happened is one kid might have been curious (most 2 yo aren’t) and the nursery worker knew it was wrong (I bet they have policies about kids touching each other / commenting on each others looks) but is also racist. Bring it up with the nursery manager.

Monty
Why is it a problem???

A pp explained how they felt having their hair stroked as a small child. I’ve read many posts on here about black people hating having their hair or their children’s hair touched.

I assume you are white. I remember as a child some friends parents recounting hoe their blonde child’s hair was touched a lot when holidaying in an African country. As a parent I’d hate that. Wouldn’t you? This is exactly the same sort of thing.

The comment on what you call his hair is unacceptable. The teacher should be discouraging touching of another child - it’s just pure bad manners after all.

...oh and I don’t buy that the kids were all curious and touching it - I don’t think 2 year olds notice who has what type of hair.

@BDN I'm referring to how different we all are and how our differences should be celebrated and not made a spectacle of.
@nottonight josepheen She did inadvertently give me this information and thank goodness she did.
I dont mind kids being curious because it is their nature and this is a perfect opportunity to explain things.
There is something funny about the girl and there were more cringeworthy words to follow from her but i wont go into details.
My son wont even say hello or bye to her in particular but does to other key workers and he seems withdrawn whenever he comes back from nursery.
Sadly other nursery has no spaces.

From your update I think you need to put your ds on a waiting list for another nursery then. Or find a childminder if you can.

Op I can understand why this irks you but just to switch things up a little!
I have a DN who is white but has hair that is very similar to your DS. Lots of people also touch and also make comments about it. It's just curiosity!

I can only speak for myself when I say that children of that age don't see skin colour, my DS age 2 only last night saw a little girl who was black on the tv and repeatedly exclaimed that it was my DN, It must of been because they have similar hair. The difference in skin tone meant nothing in his eyes, they are so innocent at that age it's actually quite endearing.

If you have the emotional energy then explain to the teachers at school how you feel about this and educate them. I'm sure once you make them aware of how this upsets you they will become more mindful in future.

i keep thinking maybe he is just adjusting but deep down i feel there's more. i will have a conversation with them and then go on from there. i have his name on waiting list. Thanks for understanding.

I understand the curiosity from the children but the nursery should be discouraging it gently and teaching the other kids that your son isn’t to be patted like some kind of exotic pet.

Have you watched BBC doc on babies? Children do see differences. Colour being one of our differences. But we as adults also need to explain and be open about our differences to them. I certainly wouldn't encourage my son to go around touching people's body parts to fulfill his curiousity. Eyes, noses, lips the whole lot. lol. it's not good manners as well.

I get the children are curious but the nursery should take the opportunity to explain about differences and not encourage them to keep touching your DS.

I know this isnt the same but my DS wears glasses and when he first started at nursery je was the only one wearing them. so children kept touching them and DS got upset as they were also trying to take them of him, we told the nursery how he didnt like it, and they spoke to the children and it stopped.