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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ill husband, who IBU?

30 replies

FedUpAndTired2018 · 27/11/2018 17:45

We have 2 ds, 3 and 10 months. 'D' H got a sickness bug on Friday night and is still feeling very unwell, although hasn't vomited since Saturday.

I'm really struggling atm, as baby has never been a great sleeper, but is ill at the moment with tonsillitis. I've genuinely not had more than 90 minutes sleep in a row for the past two weeks (dh been sleeping in spare room).

I've had both kids at home today as eldest was sick yesterday so didn't go to nursery and it's been raining all day. DH has been resting. Except he is appearing at intervals complaining about the noise, kids crying etc. I'm having an absolutely shit time trying to keep them entertained and feeling really miserable (although not ill... Yet). He's really been complaining, ranting and shouting and I'm thoroughly pissed off at him. Gems include, "I just hope you don't get ill, in this house you just need to carry on as normal."

I'm furious! I don't doubt that he's feeling ill, but I never get to 'opt out' and leave someone else to look after the kids. And if I ever was lucky enough to go back to bed and let him take over I wouldn't complain about the noise as I'd be so bloody grateful someone else was dealing with it for a while!

So who IBU?

OP posts:
Strongmummy · 27/11/2018 17:48

If in “this house you need to carry on as normal” why isn’t he out of bed and helping? Or is he usually a lazy prick? I can understand your resentment and why you’re annoyed. I hope you manage to get some rest. Oh and when he’s better make sure you organise an afternoon out with friends

BuffaloCauliflower · 27/11/2018 17:48

If he hasn’t been sick since Saturday he’s putting it on now, sickness bugs don’t last that long, especially once the vomiting ends.

Snowwontbelong · 27/11/2018 17:49

Ywnbu to do a rain dance in hope of getting ill.
Then you can also flounce off for 3 days /nights of peace and quiet.
Is the spare room a regular thing for him?

PrincessConsuelaBananahamm0ck · 27/11/2018 17:52

He hasn't puked since Saturday. He is being extremely pathetic, unreasonable and a total prick. Would he look after everything/everyone for four days straight if you were ill??

BarbarianMum · 27/11/2018 17:57

So why isnt he "carrying on as normal"? Is he running a temp? If not, Im sure it's safe to hand the kids over to him for a few hours.

The early years are so rough when more than 1 of you are sick at a time. But theyre more survivable if you pull together.

Original poster
FedUpAndTired2018 · 27/11/2018 18:01

It's his head that's bad apparently, made worse by the fact that he's exhausted (!) Plus feeling sick, although not vomiting. He's usually pretty good (although extremely prone to moaning). For pp who asked about the spare room, it's a semi regular thing as the baby is in with us due to frequent wake ups and I deal with all of those. Listening to him sighing and huffing pushes me over the edge though, so I prefer it when he's not there tbh.

OP posts:
anniehm · 27/11/2018 18:27

Unfortunately we all know how men get so much "sicker" than women! You have my sympathies, been there.

Evilspiritgin · 27/11/2018 18:44

Last time I was unwell it was over a week until I felt better, my stomach was in bits (I felt dizzy very weak plus I hadn’t even been sick at all

missymayhemsmum · 27/11/2018 18:53

I think you need to 'go down with it' and leave him to cope with the kids for a day, now he's starting to feel better.
Seriously, yanbu. He is feeling crap, the kids are ill and miserable and you haven't had more than 90 minutes sleep in a fortnight. Nobody is winning here
Big bed and cbeebies. Lots of calpol. leave him to it and go to the spare room to sleep.

M4J4 · 27/11/2018 19:22

Gems include, "I just hope you don't get ill, in this house you just need to carry on as normal."

Does he mean that you aren't allowed to switch off due to illness and always have to carry on? Shock

You need to leave the kids with him more and stop being default parent.

DeathyMcDeathStarFace · 27/11/2018 20:16

If he isn't 'carrying on as normal' and just getting on with things pack him off to his dm's or a Premier Inn in the guise of giving him a few days peace, and tell him he can come back when you decide, not him.

Or tell him that once he is feeling better he can have the dc's on his own for the same number of days as you have had them on your own, you can then decamp to the spare room/spa/luxury hotel for a few days relaxing to recuperate from looking after ill people, dh included.

Or tell him to pull himself together and get parenting, he's not the only person in the family, there are children who need looking after. You are not a single parent and shouldn't be looking after the household like you are one, he needs to step up and do his bit. There are many people out there in the big wide world who rally round and look after others when they are ill, it sounds like there is no reason he can't at least do some of the caring.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 27/11/2018 20:55

How do single parents cope!

Picnictime · 27/11/2018 21:25

Yanbu. For goodness sake, what more does he expect? You have to care for your sick child too. Who had the same illness as your DH and is much more irritable and hard to please.
Tell him to take some paracetamol or ibuprofen and pull himself together.
Or put the white noise on and maybe you can drown out his whinging. :)

CheshireChat · 27/11/2018 21:32

I'd say I'm starting to feel nauseous/ sick whatever and he needs to take over for a while.

Ljlsmum · 27/11/2018 21:34

What a lazy twat! Is his sickness so much worse than the Kids? And I bet he’s had more than 90 mins sleep. I’d be giving him hell OP. Tell him he needs to carry on as normal.
Give him some paracetamol and his big boy pants.

PatchworkElmer · 27/11/2018 21:36

He’s being a tosser. Does he usually do his fair share?

M4J4 · 27/11/2018 21:47

How do single parents cope!

It's not a race to the bottom, Walkingdeadfan Hmm

Next you'll be telling OP to be grateful she has a man.

Original poster
FedUpAndTired2018 · 27/11/2018 21:54

Thanks all. I (obviously Wink) thought I was the reasonable one but was just checking as sympathy isn't my strongest point!

In all fairness, he came down shortly after I posted and apologised, and has pulled his weight all evening.

To pp who said how do single parents cope - I often wonder that myself.

OP posts:
CheshireChat · 27/11/2018 21:57

At least he realised he was being a twat!

LizzieBennettDarcy · 27/11/2018 21:57

Get him a pack of Buscopan, tell him to drink lots and shift his arse.

Four days later??! He's having a laugh.

Powerless · 27/11/2018 21:58

Buscopan?! That's for IBS! Grin

CantWaitToRetire · 27/11/2018 22:24

he came down shortly after I posted and apologised, and has pulled his weight all evening

Maybe he has a secret profile on MN and recognised this post about himself and what a twat he was being Grin

KarmaStar · 27/11/2018 22:25

He is being vvvvu!you're amazing to have coped so long .Flowers

Walkingdeadfangirl · 27/11/2018 22:26

M4J4 I was giving the OP a compliment because she was as strong as and coping as if she was a single parent.

Some people just want to see the worst in every comment.

timeisnotaline · 27/11/2018 22:27

He is lucky he apologised! He would have barely finished ‘carry on as normal’ before I pushed a basket of washing and a baby at him and said great you’re carrying on take the baby and hang the washing thanks!