To not care about achievements anymore. I just want a family.

[Newnyham]

I have been at university for so long. I'm training to be an architect and this is my final year of formal education and I have ran out of shits to give.

In the meantime life has carried on. I'm married and will be TTC as soon as I've been in a grad job for a few months. I already have a number of projects on the go on a self employed basis and this is my long term career goal.

I have so many deadlines for writing papers that are 8,000 words + in early January that Christmas will be almost non-existent. In the past I was very type A, always wanted to do the best bla bla bla. Now I just want to scrape through and be done with it forever.

I want a family, and go for walks and have cuddles, and spend time with my DH outside of our study and not have to work on weekends! But I also feel shit for wasting the education available to me, to becomes a qualified architect I don't have to do well, I just have to pass the course and get a job. I'm just finding it really hard to motivate myself through the final 6 months. The work in university is so detached from the real world.

My Parents asked how things were going recently and I got an utter bollocking for telling them how I felt.

Am I actually being that unreasonable? Do most people reach a time in their life where they're just aching for a family and don't really care about much else?

You've put in so much time and work it would be a shame to blow it now, it's another six months, head down crack on, it'll all be over soon. Make sure you're making time to relax and do nice things with DH each week.

How old are you?

The whole aching for a family thing, no not experienced it, I'm 34 and eight months pregnant so I'm guessing that ship has sailed. However I have fertility issues and maybe never focussed on that too much as I knew it might not be possible for us. I am pining a bit for the life we'd talked about if we couldn't have DCs, travel, holiday home, maybe a boat (we live by the coast).

I get it op. Just get through it. I studied for 5 yrs and its shitty watching family life pass you by. But itll be worth it

I'm 25 (I know I'm quite young)

Depends a lot on how old you are. If you're only 25, there's plenty of time to think about having a family. If you're 35, you'd better crack on

Either way, I would say grit your teeth and finish the last little bit of studying. You wouldn't honestly want to waste all your hard work over the last few years, surely?

The grass isn't always greener, six months and you'll be a qualified architect and be able to command a decent wage, when the time for family arrives you'll be comfortable and have had a fulfilling career. I dropped out of uni and then had a baby, returning to study and doing it alongside a family is bloody hard. I wish I'd finished my degree and had some job security before having DD, but my life didn't work out like that. Look at the positives of your situation and be patient.

I can imagine after such a long course you are looking forward to it ending and real life beginning. You are nearly there and will still be lovely and young to start planning a family. Hang on in there!

I feel exactly the same I'm 25 and a trainee solicitor, I won't be qualified until another 18 months. Would love to start a family but can't as it would be stupid to put my career in jeopardy. Just stick it out for the final 6 months it will fly by.

Oh lovely, you’re still young
Get your head down, get it done and tucked under your belt
Then you do what you really want to do

( word of warning...babies aren’t all cuddles, smiles and giggles)

I understand exactly how you feel, I felt the same qualifying as a solicitor. It will be worth it when you achieve your qualifications, can get a better salary etc - it will make that family life much more affordable/accessible and you will be glad you waited!
Put your head down and crack on and it will be finished in no time.

At 25 i was a year way from qualifying in my profession (undergrad degree then 3 years of professional exams) and i failes my final exam by 2 marks. I was so fed up i nearly didn't bother retaking it. However my friends and family convinced me to see sense and i retook and aced it, qualified and have had a fantastic career ever since.

I lived abroad for 2 years age 28 thanksnto my qualifications and skills being needed, i have been promoted to the point where i have a comfortable life and i was lucky enough to have children after establishing myself in my profession which meant i could enjoy a decent maternity pay package. I'm now nearing 40 and very glad I stuck it out

Sorry for typos! Trying to juggle baby and phone

I wish my son had that to fall back on.
He was a single dad at 21
Now 37 with three kids, being bullied out of his ( very moderately paid) job
He’s got nothing to fall back on...it looks so bleak
He’s got two nvqs in computers..that’s it

I wish he was an architect or something of that ilk.

Breakit down into bite sized chunks and build a treat into the time
It will soon pass

It may feel like a desire for a particular life/lifestyle, but it's surely just down to your totally normal biological drive to reproduce! When you're up to your eyes in nappies, and too knackered to go for lovely long walks with your dh, or when your dc are teenagers and you're stuck in a boring low-paid job for pin money, you will kick yourself very hard for quitting.

He would love to be a vet.. bless him there’s no way ☹️

I empathise with you so much. I'm 27 and in my last formal year of uni (I started in 2008).
I'm pregnant at the moment and I work full time with two under 5s but I'm so desperate to finish so I can enjoy my family instead of stressing over deadlines and having no time.
You are 100% not being unreasonable for wanting some quality of life op

You've studied so long it's no wonder you're fed up. TTC can become an all consuming obsession, if I were you I'd put all thoughts of a family on the back burner and stay off the TTC boards, then when you've finished go wild with the 50 packs of piss sticks from eBay! Tbh I have a child and after giving birth I gave zero fucks about anything for a long time. I suppose nature intended it to be so.

I’m in my late 30s with three very young kids.

I spent my 20s and early 30s studying and training to get into my profession.

Having kids has proven harder, and more time consuming, than the years of study and work. It’s great, but it’s not what you’re picturing. Being a parent is unending work and sacrifice, in addition to the cuddles and sweetness.

Take your time. Get the qualification. Then have a few years of “me time” before committing yourself to parenthood.

Just my opinion.

I think it's totally normal to feel that way when the end is in sight. I remember complaining to my university professor about final exams and saying I couldn't bare to do another set (we'd had exams the previous 3 years of the course too). He said no matter how long or short the course students always find the last hurdle unbearable. I think it was true. When I did my PhD just as I was reaching the end I just could not be bothered to fix all the little things that needed sorting and do all the final corrections to my thesis.

Just keep swimming just keep swimming!

Honestly, looking after a baby is probably the hardest work I've ever done. There's parts of it that are absolute drudgery. But I'm so glad I managed to do it after I'd qualified for my chosen career (involved 7 years at uni). This way, I have a decent independent income AND the kids. Now my older ds is 17, he'll be leaving home next year, and I have an interesting and varied career still. I feel very lucky as I know how hard it can be to get back to work for women who have had to leave due to financial/other reasons to look after kids. 25 is still very young. Be sensible and work hard for your degree; it will allow you so many more choices in the future.

Try to focus on the end goal. If you don’t qualify you’ll be very limited to jobs you can do in the sector. If you qualify and do a bit of work while you TTC then you’ll have work experience and qualifications and a baby. Think of the nicer life you can give your child if your career prospects are better.

I understand how you feel. That's a long time to study hard- and the academic life can be demanding and quite isolating. But you just need to hold your nerve, grit your teeth, stick in, show yourself what you're made of ( all the clichés but so true....).
It really IS worth it. Soon, very soon, you will be able to start prioritising your family dreams- with the benefit of an impressive, hard-won qualification under your belt. Which will help set you and your family up for life. Reframe finishing your course as part of your family plans, not something that's obstructing them.

I totally get where you are coming from as I was once exactly like you...couldn’t get married and have babies fast enough!!I am 34 now and married with 2 children (who I love very much of course) my husband is a great man, very supportive and kind. We are stable etc so nothing to complain about. But I feel very unfulfilled and somehow think that I maybe should have waited a little longer. I did travel,I do work so all of those boxes are ticked. But those Sunday walks and cuddles become the norm and I suppose it’s human condition but I feel it’s not the warm and rosy picture you have created in your head. We have great family days don’t get me wrong and I know I am blessed but there are equally days the kids drive me nuts and all I want is to pee in peace, or finish my tea, or announce that I’m having a lie in the next morning etc. so enjoy where you are right now you’ll soon long to be back there in a sense 🤣

Also to add one of the things I missed about academic life was that when I put effort into my studies I almost always got the results back out.The harder I studied the better I did, the more effort I put into a conference talk the better it came off. Having children is so different. Of course you make a difference to your child but you can't just set yourself a deadline, work hard and get the results out. ("Right I've decided little Jonny will be speaking in full sentences/eating a varied diet/walking/reading in 6 months time, just need to provide the perfect environment and it will happen")