To not want to feed DSS GF?

[loopy42]

My DSS 17 has recently started a relationship, she visits him a few times a week and vice versa. She stayed over for the first time this past weekend.

Last week she turned up just before I started cooking dinner so offered to plate her some up with the rest of the family which she accepted and thanked me for.

Since then out of the last 7 days she has eaten with us for 4 of those days, 3 of them being consecutive. Our grocery bill is huge as it is

AIBU to say to DSS that she is welcome to come over but that she can't eat with us every time and that he will have to sort his own dinner once she has gone home?

Is there any way he could contribute towards the shopping instead?

How often is he eating at hers?

I'm not certain that he is eating at hers, and definitely hasn't this week at all.

He is at college full time looking for part time work to fit around it so no he cannot contribute at the minute

I think it's a little U to expect her not to eat at yours - if the DCs friends are here when I'm cooking I automatically factor them in the numbers (and at least 4 nights a week there's someone here).

Why not ask them to prep a meal once a week instead of resenting the fact they're both eating there?

Usually when he gets home from hers the first thing he does is eat anything he can get his hands on

Are you financially struggling?

Yanbu to not want to. But y probably abu to expect this to go any other way. Get them to cook or wash up on a rota; you're not the maid. And as soon as he earns money, he should contribute. Can you plan cheaper meals - veggie pasta, etc - for nights she's over?

It depends on how much they eat a few more slices of meat and a few more spuds are not too expensive, I've fed many extra children like this. But if they ate like my son expecting a few extra chops or a whole family pie I'd struggle

I liked having teen DCs friends for dinner. Better to know who they are than not know.

I actually remember this from being a teen....

generally thought to be fairest to eat dinner in your own home, then go to boyfriend or girlfriend home after. it's too easy for occasional to become a real burden on someone's bills. My teen boyfriend could have eaten the entire contents of the fridge tbh.

'twas a long time ago though....

Some nights you know she’s coming make a chilli or bolognese. So easy to make them go further without losing nutrition or taste. I love cooking for my son’s gf and friends and if you plan it’s easy to do without breaking the budget. Get him to say in advance which nights she’ll be over.

I wouldn't say we are struggling financially but we do live from pay day to pay day. With a strict budget for groceries.

I'm not saying that I don't ever want to feed her but when she's eating here more than at her own home I feel it's too much.

I would be happy once or twice a week providing dinner for her.

I have just asked DSS about eating at her house and he has said he doesn't unless he buys a takeaway out of his pocket money.

What's the actual cost of a portion for the sorts of meals you're cooking? Could the rule be that he has to ask you first (which he should be doing anyway!), has to give your a certain amount of notice so you can meal plan, and covers the few quid extra for the portion out of his pocket money?

Well you can but be prepared to loose her good opinion.

I feed my son’s gf and his friends far more than their parents feed mine. Take it as a compliment, no need to push the boat out for them

Does his gf eat while he’s there or do the family not do meals?

How much is it actually costing to feed her? It's a bit cheeky of them but if it's costing a pound per meal to provide enough for her for example, is it worth making a big deal over?

If you know she's coming can you make something cheap? Like spaghetti Bolognese doesn't cost much to make. Casseroles, that sort of thing?

I'd be worried about pushing my DD away - could you make what you have stretch further my increased mash potato/rice or veg?

Give her set days to come for dinner and do cheap filling meals those days

My rule with DS was that if I knew in advance GF was coming, I would cook for everyone. If she turned up unexpectedly, he would have to cook for her, and for himself, and clear up afterwards.

I'm a bit on the fence with this one as I lived on my own from 17 and my then BF didn't have a job. I saw eating when staying at his house a way of his parents repaying me as I fed/clothed their son most of the time. If her parents are feeding your son then I say it's only fair. I'll happily include my DC's partners in meals but if they were eating loads of food from my fridge all the time then I would get a bit annoyed

So if I'm reading that right your DSS Gf doesn't feed her boyfriend (your DSS) when they're over at hers unless your DSS pays for it and she eats at yours (which you pay for) and she still doesn't do anything about that? Is it your DSS job to feed her? I'd say her parents are wondering why their grocery bills have dropped in price! She's a bit cheeky imo

It probably doesn’t cost that much more, does it?

I guess it would if you were having something like steak or a ready meal but an extra portion of pasta, risotto or a casserole should not cost that much more.

You should be very proud - that your DSS feels so comfortable at yours he treats it as a proper home. Hopefully the ideas above will let the food stretch a bit further and if they help cook and clear away as well they win win.

I should qualify my earlier post by saying that I don't begrudge giving someone who is hungry a meal. It reads though that she's basically eating at yours more than 50% of the time so between that and your DSS not having a job yet paying for takeaway, that's the bit I find cheeky.