AIBU to hate work secret santa?

[KitKat1985]

So yesterday the subject of secret santa came up at work. I actually love Christmas but work secret santa just does my head in, probably not helped by the fact that we're a large team so the organisational logistics are tricky (although am happy to do it with friends and family). My reasons are thus:

1. We're a big team (30+) and inevitably I don't know quite a few of the staff that well, and if you get picked to buy for someone you hardly know it's really difficult.

2. Whilst you can get some lovely gifts for a tenner, most times usually in secret santa, I end up being bought a generic gift of toiletries or something else with zero thought gone into it (probably because the person buying also doesn't know me very well), that ends up sat in the bathroom for months before being re-gifted.

3. Every work secret santa I've ever done someone ends up getting upset or offended by an ill-judged joke present (you know the type - a mug with 'office gossip' or something printed on it), or even worse, buys a passive aggressive present or something that they blatantly bought from the pound shop or the like because they don't like the recipient.

4. Someone will inevitably forget to bring in their gift on the day or forget about the work secret santa completely, meaning one person in the team gets left without a present during the present opening session and either gets miffed, or worse, worried that no-one in the team likes them.

5. The discussions for days afterwards about trying to work out who bought what.

So Mumsnet jury, I've laid out my reasons. AIBU to dislike work secret santas (or at least just a giant grinch)?

A lucky dip variant offsets the need to think about the recipient.

Either opt out or dump whatever you get into some local raffle.

It's a bit late to be starting to organise a secret Santa

Have they moved Christmas this year? It’s usually on 25 December.

Have they moved Christmas this year? It’s usually on 25 December.

Of course Christmas is the same day, but for secret Santas most workplaces open gifts prior to Christmas, and many jobs break up for the holidays earlier than the 25th. It just doesn't seem like a lot of time to organise and buy gifts if they are only just thinking about doing one now.

Big Offices are generally awful when it comes to secret santa for all the reason in OP. Loved it at the last place I worked when we only did it between our immediate team of 5 because we worked so closely together and all got on really well so everyone actually got a thoughtful gift.

The only way I have seen it work in a big office is to a 'lucky dip' secret santa where by everyone buys a gift for less than £5/£10 and the themed 'something to live on your desk' works well. The gift you buy isn't specifically for anyone, and each gift needs to be brought in wrapped and handed into the 'Office Elf' - this year there is someone who is already going to be on annual leave on the date for the exchange so doesn't want to take part as such has volunteered to help organise. Each gift is numbered and then on exchange everyone who is taking part picks a number out the Santa hat and that's the number you get is the gift you have. (obviously making sure that you don't get the number of the gift you brought) Taking part is optional with not pressure at all as you only take a gift IF you brought a gift which also means anyone who actually wants to be involved isn't left out or 'forgotten' Feedback form those involved said that having a theme helps focus people with what to buy even though there isn't a specific recipient - obviously you can't account for someone deciding to get something really inappropriate but I've suggested doing it this way at a few places I've worked and it has never gone horribly wrong yet

Agree someone gets a shit present. But even small office group ones are awful.

I hate it too. I always put a lot of thought in and choose carefully to ensure it's something the recipient will use.

I always get a cheap bottle of wine (budget is £10, why not buy a decent bottle?!), or toiletries I can't use due to eczema.

They year I pulled my own name out and kept quiet was a good year though!

Definitely not unreasonable. I think its the thing i hate most about my job. Its so pointless, stressful and very bad for the environment as people just buy pointless tat that none wants. A friend of mine had a lovely idea that in her office they swap second hand books.

Never mind the gentle hinting, give her a firm (but ever so polite) "not for me thanks". It's easier to say up front that you do not wish to take part than to start arguing once the pairs have been allocated, causing the organiser an unnecessary headache. Or worse, feel you have to go along with it because it's too late to pull out.

I'm pleased to say I have never yet been forced to take part in a SS in over 40 years in the workplace. If you put it nicely nobody should be offended.

Agree they are a complete pain.

Only way forward is if all presents are chocolate, biscuits or sweets.

They are a passive aggressive person's dream come true!

Can you suggest everyone donates £10 to charity instead? Much more worthwhile. Or put your £10 donations in a kitty and send someone shopping for gloves, socks for homeless shelter or food bank?

it just doesn't seem like a lot of time to organise and buy gifts if they are only just thinking about doing one now

Eh? Unless you live very very remotely and work the exact hours that all the shops are open, most people could have bought something suitable by the end of the day, or the end of the week if pushed, or are shopping online. Given that most workplaces will be open until at least the 21st I hardly think it's a difficult ask.

But I still think SS is a total pointless waste of time, unless you are very specific about what people want, are all happy about a budget and don't buy wasteful novelty crap that's akin to single use plastics that we need to cut down on massively.

If everyone involved drinks alcohol, you could exchange bottles of booze or maybe nice soft drinks for non drinkers - some of those are pretty pricey, so a couple of nice cordials would cost about the same as a bottle of wine, but still, most people are quite capable of buying their own wine when they do their grocery shopping and it's a bit of a stretch to equate swapping bottles of booze to 'Christmas Fun' that enhance the Christmas experience.

I hate them too, but after years of stressing out over it i now just this its a secret so no-one knows it was you that bought it so don't overthink it.

Little box of nice chocolates (or bottle of wine) and a scratch card to make up any difference, job done! - nearly every one loves a nice choc and a wee gamble!

Only way forward is if all presents are chocolate, biscuits or sweets.

Not for diabetic colleagues!

buys a passive aggressive present or something that they blatantly bought from the pound shop or the like because they don't like the recipient.

I was the recipient of this kind of gift last year..wasnt even from.the poundshop it was homemade taking the piss out of the fact i had stayed in contact with a former colleague who had left. It was funny but no where near costing 2pounds let alone the 10 pound limit and even a box of choccies with it would have softened the blow a bit. I had also been the one to organise the SS (by way of default) and this was the thanks i got.
Anyway, as a result i vowed to never take part in a secret santa again. Youre right.. someone always gets offended and has to cover up the fact theyre offended/upset during the present opening. Also, lots of people feel presure because they cant afford it. Cliques come out. People are constantly trying to figure out who's got who. Ugh YANBU. Thankfully, im on MAT leave this year so dont have to think about it!

Google Elfster - people opt in and you can write things that you like so people get ideas

Yanbu. I hate it too! For the last few years my team have even made a list of personal 'wants' and 'don't wants'!? Last year I bought someone a lovely bottle of white wine that I'had before so knew it was a decent one (not expensive BTW, an Aldi bargain). In return I got a bottle of Blossom hill. No offence but literally no thought in that for someone who loves wine. This year I decided already after the years of thoughtless gifts that I was going to opt out. Actually what happened was I suggested in a team meeting that we do Mr X instead - a Welsh charity that asks for gifts for children who may not get many. I've really enjoyed buying the presents for my allocated child, feels much more in the Christmas spirit!!

This year I shall be regifting the secret Santa present I was given last year

This year we're buying a present for a child in care instead of the team secret Santa. Luckily it is organised through work so it's easy to manage.
Much better than the usual crap presents people end up with

Only way forward is if all presents are chocolate, biscuits or sweets.

Not for diabetic colleagues!

In every tiny group of people there will always be those who need gluten-free, egg-free, vegan, dairy-free, no-alcohol (so, no vanilla extract), nut-free, sugar-free or any permutation.

I don't do Secret Santa - same reasons as so many PPs.

If I was going to organise a secret santa, I'd say that it would be done as a bran tub - everyone who wants to take part brings in a gift to the nominated value, and they are put in a sack, then everyone who has brought a gift in gets to pick one at random.

That way no-one can be upset by the gift, or use it as a way to make a passive aggressive point.

I've enjoyed the teams I've worked with in the past so it's not been so much of a problem doing secret santa. But your situation doesn't sound like a good SS set up!

I wouldn't be impressed with choclates or biscuits as i really dont havr a sweet tooth and would prefer the generic toilitries or cheap wine but i tjink it kind of prove s how pointless these things are

At my last workplace a friend i worked with was involved with a homeless charity, so instead of secret santa she organised for a donation box in the tea room where people could donate non perishable items which was then collected by the charity. No pressure on anybody to contribute, but most people did. I'd much rather spend money on things I know will be of use than crap which will be regifted or in a landfill.

YANBU

We do Secret Santa with the whole bloody company (about 40 of us with three different departments ) so often you get someone who you vaguely no. This year I have the CEO again

There are chocolates/biscuits etc for diabetics, those with allergies etc.