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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Expensive Secret Santa

36 replies

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 26/11/2018 08:26

So, I have been in my current position for 4 years now. We are an all-female office, and one of the ladies organises a Secret Santa yearly. The way it works is that obviously there is a budget, but she also organises a spreadsheet on the shared drive where people can put what sort of stuff they are into. It's not meant to be a prescriptive wishlist as in- please get me product A, but a general thing like- I'm into running, I don't need shower gels please, and usually people are quite reasonable. So last year I got someone a nice running armband etc. The problem with it is that some people go over the spending limit yearly, and buy relatively pricey stuff, while some stick to the budget and then you have the "Oh, your present looks so much nicer than me" chatter.

Person I'm buying for has put big fat nothing on the spreadsheet until last week. The problem is, seeing how there was nothing, I already got a few bits and bobs I think she may like, and knowing we exchange gift next week, didn't want to wait last minute.

She now put some really expensive face cream as the only item, over the spending limit, and I heard her moan how she usually spends a lot of time and money on gifts but always gets something sh!t in return and how disappointing it is (she is one of the people going over the budget). She is also one of the people when we go out for work meals (which we usually share the bill for) to want an expensive restaurant or to order a few bottles of expensive wine that then everyone has to pay for.

Well anyway, I'm not getting an expensive cream, and can't exactly afford to get anything else as my budget it tight this year, but not really looking forward to seeing her face when she opens her gift...

OP posts:
crochetmonkey74 · 26/11/2018 09:39

This is so far removed from the spirit of Christmas I would have to excuse myself from it- sounds horrible!

Celebelly · 26/11/2018 09:44

Get her some Pond's Cold Cream Grin Cheeky mare.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/11/2018 09:44

She'll get the gifts you've already bought and like it. The cheeky fucker.
As if her precious cream is the only thing you've got to spend your money on.

Lost5stone · 26/11/2018 09:46

I wouldn't want to be part of it either! Not much can be done now, just avoid eye contact and let her get on with it, ungrateful woman!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/11/2018 09:46

She'd be getting a box of chocolates from pound land off me

Mammyloveswine · 26/11/2018 09:48

I'd pop to the make up department and ask for a sample of said face cream.... give her the stuff you've bought and when she's got a face like a cats bum say "oh I forgot your face cream... Here you go!" And present it to her in a massive gift box. Cheeky mare!

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 26/11/2018 09:49

If she wasn't such a turd, I'd happily give you some tips. I'm in a "swap box" group, which is a little like ss, but runs all year round...

For those who'd like it, and are not buying for turds...

Nosey through their Facebook. You can usually get a general idea of what someone's into by what they're wearing in photos, etc (so, for example, if someone is a fan of big fluffy hats and scarves, a pair of fluffy socks and a hot water bottle cover may be up their street).

Look at photos of them in their house: can you see a lot of tat/candles?

Have you heard of an app called Elfster? It pairs "swaps" up randomly, and let's the buyer ask the recipient anonymous questions.

Bluelady · 26/11/2018 09:53

How expensive is the face cream?

Milliepede · 26/11/2018 09:56

Get her some face cream from Aldi, fabulous stuff for under a tenner and it's really well rated.

Notnowok · 26/11/2018 09:59

Pleased you aren't caving in but a sample is a good idea. Show the sales girl a snap of the request as proof a nice sales rep might then give you a couple.
She will be snarky but think of it as karma for the rude restaurant behaviour. ( smug smile it away )

Bluerussian · 26/11/2018 10:00

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eggncress · 26/11/2018 10:02

I usually opt out of secret Santa for this reason. More hassle than it’s worth.

Just get something within budget and if she pulls a face it just demonstrates her own lack of manners.

LagunaBubbles · 26/11/2018 10:06

You sound horrible and SANTA DOES NOT EXIST! Get over it

Eh? Have you put this on the right thread? Confused

rosablue · 26/11/2018 10:07

Any chance you could get the organiser to send out a reminder that the secret Santa has a ££ limit on it for a reason and will people please stick to it for both their suggestions and their purchases - not least because it has been noted there are people putting suggestions that are obviously out of the price limit.

Can’t be any harm in asking - bet others are feeling the same as you.

It’s one thing to deliberately spend more if the person you have drawn is a good mate but rotten if you are doing it in the expectation that a different random person should then spend more on you!

Travis1 · 26/11/2018 10:13

Fuckssake @bluerussian who pissed on your cornflakes this morning? And eh, Santa is real, you just wouldn't know because you are quite clearly a naughty list resider who only gets coal.

pinkcarpet · 26/11/2018 10:14

OP i feel for you. I always opt out of office secret santa if possible. If not i buy a charity gift (like a goat from Oxfam or something similar) for the exact budget set and then the recipient has to pretend they like it even if they don't

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 26/11/2018 10:15

As Rosa said you should ask the organiser to send a reminder. I can't stand SS myself but certainly the purpose of a work SS is to buy token or joke gifts, yours has got out of hand. I bet you're not the only one who's starting to think it's more hassle then it's worth!

I wouldn't have any qualms about telling her on the day that you'd already bought hers by the time she filled in the spreadsheet plus her ask was over budget. Quite frankly I'd opt out of it after this year and I'd probably say so in January.

rosablue · 26/11/2018 10:16

And if she complains then loudly point out that if she had bothered to suggest something at the normal time Luke everyone else she might have stood half a chance of getting it but only bothering to fill the spreadsheet in well after her gift had already been bought meant there was no way she would ever have stood a chance because secret Santa’s are not mind readers and Need to get their shopping done when they are doing it, not leave until the last minute.

That way she’ll be kicking herself because although you know that you would never have bought the cream, dangle enough hints that make her think you might have bought it and it’s all her fault that you didn’t... [sgrin]

Lalliella · 26/11/2018 10:18

It’s a secret! She’s not gonna know it’s you. Do not under any circumstances buy that face cream!

ladycarlotta · 26/11/2018 10:19

I think getting her a little freebie sample as a PP suggested is a good idea. And pop a note in the present saying 'sorry! you updated the spread sheet too late!' with a passive aggressive smiley face emoji and a strongly implied tinkly laugh and head tilt.

She doesn't get to dictate her present and she should know that.

bridgetreilly · 26/11/2018 10:26

If she chooses to spend more than the limit that's on her. She does not get to tell anyone else to spend more than the limit. Just give her what you've got and ignore her looks.

oohyoudevilyou · 26/11/2018 10:27

Secret Santa is meant to be secret, so just give her what you've bought and don't tell anyone who you bought for. If everybody else divulges their secret, just go with "well I'm not saying who I bought for, as someone else has already said that name" Grin. That'll get everyone doubting everyone else!

Secret Santa doesn't make or break anyone's Christmas IME, it's just a tenner (luckily only a fiver at my workplace) on something that may not be what the recipient wants - how under-stocked would the summer fayre tombolas be without the unwanted secret santa donations?!

ChocolateWombat · 26/11/2018 10:41

What a crap system for secret Santa. SS is meant to be a but if King hearted fun, not the method by which you get your top choice of Christmas present. The minute people can start saying what they might like or not like or are into, the whole thing has lost its SS nature and become an exercise in gift lists.......why bother.....it's bad enough having to do that for family without having to do it for colleagues too.

How anyone can be upset at their SS is beyond me and why anyone goes to great lengths to put huge effort into it is beyond me too.....massively over-invested comes to mind. Small price limit, gifts purchased with quick effort and received with good grace and a smile....end of. I think lots of SSs have been dropped now.....and it's clear to see why.

ChocolateWombat · 26/11/2018 10:43

Give the woman what you have already bought and don't give it another moments thought. And if anyone says anything or even if they don't, I'd keep loudly saying 'next year, I really think we should return to not asking for specific things and just having this as a light hearted bit of fun - work colleagues aren't the people to be making specific requests of at Christmas, or to be hoping to get a favourite gift from'.

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 26/11/2018 11:23

Thank you for all the advice ladies. I was kind of bummed by the whole thing initially, as I wanted to get my SS something they would enjoy, and now I am kind of sure she will not be pleased, but hey...

The problem with the sample (as I looked it up) is that they only sell this thing in big department stores, and I live in the middle of nowhere. I would therefore have to go really out of my way and spend half a day and £10/15 on transport to get somewhere where they sell it and hope they will give me a sample of the cream, and I wasn't planning hitting the town anytime soon. I can draw a picture of the cream though... :P

@AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley - we used Elfster in the past, but some people were unhappy to open yet another account on another website, and some had issued with finding stuff on there, so we took an idea of letting people know what we wanted (more or less) and opted for the spreadsheet which everyone can access. I actually thought about what I want to get her, so now just wondering if she will end up liking it, or hating it :)

@ChocolateWombat It actually is not as un-fun, usually. People usually put very general stuff and there is really no pressure to get a specific item, and the idea behind was to avoid wasting money on lets say buying someone who has a pile of shower gel yet another one, or someone who doesn't drink a bottle of wine, etc. I prefer the spontaneous SS myself, but most people opted for it so we went along with the idea.

OP posts:
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