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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Expensive Secret Santa

36 replies

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 26/11/2018 08:26

So, I have been in my current position for 4 years now. We are an all-female office, and one of the ladies organises a Secret Santa yearly. The way it works is that obviously there is a budget, but she also organises a spreadsheet on the shared drive where people can put what sort of stuff they are into. It's not meant to be a prescriptive wishlist as in- please get me product A, but a general thing like- I'm into running, I don't need shower gels please, and usually people are quite reasonable. So last year I got someone a nice running armband etc. The problem with it is that some people go over the spending limit yearly, and buy relatively pricey stuff, while some stick to the budget and then you have the "Oh, your present looks so much nicer than me" chatter.

Person I'm buying for has put big fat nothing on the spreadsheet until last week. The problem is, seeing how there was nothing, I already got a few bits and bobs I think she may like, and knowing we exchange gift next week, didn't want to wait last minute.

She now put some really expensive face cream as the only item, over the spending limit, and I heard her moan how she usually spends a lot of time and money on gifts but always gets something sh!t in return and how disappointing it is (she is one of the people going over the budget). She is also one of the people when we go out for work meals (which we usually share the bill for) to want an expensive restaurant or to order a few bottles of expensive wine that then everyone has to pay for.

Well anyway, I'm not getting an expensive cream, and can't exactly afford to get anything else as my budget it tight this year, but not really looking forward to seeing her face when she opens her gift...

OP posts:
Clothrabbit · 26/11/2018 12:10

It sounds like this SS thing has got out of hand in your office. Anywhere I've worked it's always been a casual, jokey affair. People giving 'ideas' for the type of present they'd like, spending way beyond the agreed limit, and bitching that they don't get the same spent on them is really not in the spirit of the whole thing. It's meant to just be a bit of fun.

I agree the organiser should send around an email reminding people to stick to the spending limit. I would also suggest that in future people are encouraged to buy cheap fun gifts, and do away with the spreadsheet. It's enough hassle trying to buy thoughtful presents for family and close friends, without having to factor colleagues 'wants' into the whole thing.

Allthewaves · 26/11/2018 12:10

Sounds like a pain. Any chance of getting a sample size of face cream?

Ellisandra · 26/11/2018 12:43

Go into the shared spreadsheet and add an anonymous note “ooooh, this is lovely even though it is £££ - I like it too. If you’re buying for X, I also love Aldi which I find almost as good”

Barbeito · 26/11/2018 12:49

Tell us what the cream is and I guarantee we will be able to find a really cheap one for you

Pimpernell · 26/11/2018 12:58

What a stressful palaver. We decided to stop doing Secret Santa and instead we each buy a gift for a child who might not otherwise get one. Doesn't help you this year but maybe something to suggest in future.

thepoorestoftherichteabiscuits · 26/11/2018 13:08

This raises two issues I have a problem with. The first being the restaurant. I don’t drink so I’m used to overpaying my share because others have been drinking which is more expensive. Generally I don’t mind but I do have a problem when it’s obviously unfair, like when someone has been drinking copious amounts and expects others to subsidise it.

The second being the sense of entitlement and commercialism around Christmas. She should be happy with whatever she gets, especially as you’ve put effort into thinking what she might like when she couldn’t be bothered to give any inkling, and it’s her fault for overspending. There’s no point having a spending limit and going over it and then expecting others to as well. I’d happily overspend for someone I knew well or if it was something I know they’d really like, but wouldn’t then expect the same back.

Just give her whatever you planned to and think of it as karma and cashback for the restaurant scenario.

Foslady · 26/11/2018 13:35

Does the company have a webpage that maybe does samples? Long shot I know but.....

Quipsandquotes · 26/11/2018 15:46

The whole thing sounds very complicated. Spreadsheets for a Secret Santa? People being encouraged to list suggestions? Normally it's just a funny, pot luck kind of thing. It seems as if it has got a bit out of hand and needs to be stopped. People shouldn't be feeling pressurised to buy expensive presents for random colleagues or worry about whether they've bought something the colleague will really like.

Fluffyears · 26/11/2018 16:52

Hate SS, one year our senior who had Beene played for about 3 months decided no spending limit! She went out and bought her recipient a £40 gift!!!! i’m not Spending that on someone i work with, we reduced it back to a £10 the following year.

bitmynailbrokemytooth · 26/11/2018 17:12

No she does not get the expensive face cream , that would be more suitable from a family member, husband or very close friend, surely ?

The bits you have bought will be fine and perfectly acceptable. Develop a thick skin in time for the exchange, after all you wanted to surprise her didn't you.

I hate Secret Santa it makes me feel really Grinchy and one year I opted out. That prompted 3 others to opt out also but the next year it was compulsory. Luckily it's a £ 10 limit and everyone sticks to it.

Returnofthesmileybar · 26/11/2018 17:31

Just write beside her comment "Too late in the day to put up a request now, do it early next year (very early since you are asking for something over budget 😂)". She's a cf, I wouldn't worry about her

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