To feel like I'm back in school.

[inatwist]

Literally feel like I’m back in school and it’s horrible.
My LO has just started reception and 6 of us parents ended up gravitating towards each other. Our kids played together and we formed a fb chat where we’d just check up re non school uniform days etc. We speak a few times a week on there and most days on the school run.
Found out today that the 5 of them all went out last night for dinner and drinks but didn’t invite me.
There’s photos of them plastered all over fb.
There’s no background, none of us knew each other before and only met through our children.
Been to a school fair today and we all sat together and no one mentioned a thing. Well actually, one said they were hung over as had been out with friends the night before.
Why are women so bloody horrible.
I just want to keep myself to myself from now on.
I branch out and try and make friends with other mums for my daughters sake and then just get treated like shit.
All of these women have been invited to my child’s birthday party and a girls night round mine in the past 12 weeks, which they happily came to and ate my food and drank my drink. But when the shoe is on the other foot...
Found out it was the one mum that organised it, but if I knew that one person was specifically left out then I would definitely say something.
Just feel hurt.

All I'm going to say is don't let this get the better of you and make you petty, remain dignified through it all otherwise you will come across as bad as her.

Whether she's actually obsessed with you or not, just distance yourself... You obviously haven't been too keen on her yourself so no love lost there. Just make excuses as to why your daughter won't be attending hers and avoid the ridiculous games of holding back books etc The whole thing does seem rather childish.

You're not being unreasonable- this has also happened to me. Like their photos, and ask where your invite was, then move on and find a better group of friends xx

Not inviting you and then making sure photos were in Facebook was a total power play, especially after the info in your last post OP. She's jealous and wants to feel better about herself. I'd start to distance yourself from her and not bother with these silly games.

Over the 15 years and four kids I have only had one ‘friend’ that’s has turned out to be more than just a friendship of convience via my kids. The last friend I made when my son was a baby gousted me when he went to a different nursery. Polite chit chat, meeting up, coffee and all that jazz I still will do but never again will I think it’s a friendship unless it continues on after the kids go their separate ways. I’m 95% sure that other mums are only after a convenient friendship with a limited shelf life. That’s fine of course but some people are very good at covering up that’s all they are after and you can invest a lot of wasted energy into that.

Only one of my long term friends is via my kids.

She is competing with you - in a competition you didn't know was happening.
There is something about you that she aspires to, and excluding you from the night out meant that was a challenge she "won".
If you are going to join in the game playing, faffing about with books etc. then you have to do it 100%. Honestly, it is probably easier not to get involved and leave her to her one-sided contest (and stop telling her stuff about your life, even if it does seem like a minor detail like a gift or an etsy shop).

Don't stress, there are sometimes people like that, it's them not you. They will provide do the same thing to another next week and invite you.
Just stay friendly, but don't think of them as very close friends. You will meet lots of other people and you might find a few that you click with.
If you focus on the cliques then you are bound to feel like rubbish.

Don't encourage friendships with kids if the parents are awful. Don't do play dates with them.

Ah come on op. They've treated you badly. Not just the organiser, they were all in on it. Pull your socks up and stick up for yourself. Your daughter doesn't have to be friends with this woman's child, and you don't need to be mates with them.
I have learnt as I age that the less I give a fuck about people like this the better, and the advice I give to my son is to be friends with the nice kids. Personally I would delete them off Facebook so I didn't feel pissed off whenever I saw them pop up, stop doing any of them favours and say no to the play date. You're not in school anymore and you're allowed to say 'I don't like this situation so I'm removing myself from it'.

Please don't send your child to this nasty woman's house.

You've reminded me why I sit in my car until the last possible minute when I pick DD up from school and then get the heck out of there as quick as I can. Can't be doing with all of that.

Shitty behaviour from shitty people.

She sounds like one to avoid to be fair

I’m definitely not sending her on the play date this week. Decided when I was having a long hard think last night.
Why would I want a small child around behaviour like that?
In fact I had a friend who’s mum was similar and on play dates she would grill me about what grades I got in tests and where we were going on holiday that year.
I wouldn’t dream of grilling my dd’s friends!
I just think as long as kids are happy, kind and try their best then I can’t ask for anything more.
Sod this competitiveness!
Avoided her on the school run this morning anyway. Spoke to another mum with a son who seems nice.
Not out for making friends anymore. Just want to be civil, drop and go!
How there are all these games when they’ve only been at school 10 weeks or so is ridiculous. Can’t stand another 6 years of this!

Also I think she’s obviously not a very confident person if she needs to play games like this. What normal 30+ woman would plan different events and exclude people to get a power trip?
I’m happy in my own skin, my child is happy in her own skin. She’s bright, kind, loving, not a spot of bother at school, and I know I do my best for her. She’s clean, I’m meticulous about her clothes and hair being clean and tidy (probably too meticulous!), she absolutely loves singing, dancing, learning and school and is very happy go lucky.
Literally too old for the drama!
Don’t know why I feature on her radar so much to be honest!

People have mentioned she's obsessed with you. Sounds like the other way round.

Yep I’m definitely obsessed.
I’m not the one asking about her child’s educational attainment.
I’m not the one asking what she’s getting her child for Xmas so I can get the same.
I’m not the one copying her child’s clothes.
I’m not the one copying her child’s hair.
I’m not the one asking about what reading level her child is on or what “group” she is in at school.
I’m the one who thought I was part of a group of friends, has been nothing but friendly and helped her and her child out with pick ups/drop offs, lent her money for non school uniform days when she’s forgotten and I’m the one that was excluded from a night out organised by her for no reason whatsoever.

But you are the one who's spent the last twenty hours slagging her off with strangers, who don't know either of you, and have only heard your side of the story.

She doesn't like you. You don't like her. That's all fine. Not everyone's compatible.

Just let it go.

Last 20 hours? I finished the conversation at 10.30pm last night and since then have had numerous emails from MNHQ saying that more people are replying to my thread.
I find it rude to ignore people if I know that they have commented so I have come back on while I have a lunch break to reply to those people. Thought it was basic courtesy.
But yes, clearly we don’t like each other. I definitely don’t appreciate the game playing from a fully grown adult with 3 kids of her own and yes the majority of people have agreed with my thoughts that she’s not the type of person you’d want as a friend.
But thanks for your opinions and response 👌🏻

Do you have any friends with a child in the year above? Put one of their reading books in the book bag

Sorry op this is shitty and totally inexcusable but I would try to not let them see your bothered. Trying to look for reasons behind this;

1. are you sure you haven’t let slip about the early nights and your lack of interest in alcohol and they maybe just wanted to let hair down without possibly feeling judged?
2. have you or your D.C. done anything to offend the organiser however small or inadvertently or might she be jealous of you for some reason?

This once happened to me when I started a new job and everyone had a christmas meal out and I wasn’t invited. I started the job November so it could have been planned before I started but I don’t think it was. It was hurtful and I guessed they maybe didn’t like me, didn’t really know me and still felt threatened by my appointment. I was hurt but carried on regardless I somehow even asked one of them if they’d had a good night or what was the food like at x without being sarcastic etc. I managed not to fall out with anyone and was invited to regular nights out after this.

Are you closer to one of the other "nicer" women? Could you reach out to them in confidence to ask why you were excluded?

Personally, I wouldn't attempt this unless I was VERY certain I was firm friends with the woman I was asking. I've been where you are in the past. It was hideous. The ringleader had such a hold over the other (normally very, very nice) members of our group of 6 that when I asked a couple of them what was going on they turned surprisingly unpleasant. Spiteful in fact. And the loveliest one of the group claimed she'd noticed nothing at all. It was obvious, so no way could she not have noticed. They're all afraid they'll be next unless they do what the ringleader wants.
This all came to a head 12 years ago, it was nasty, and it's STILL affecting my ability to make friends now. I just avoid as a rule.
Funnily, a couple of years after I was forced out of the group, I heard that the ringleader had fallen out with her bestie from the remaining women, causing all kinds of problems with their tight-knit group. Who sees who, etc Ha.

Also, currently one of the 'nicer' women in the group is going through a humiliating, painful relationship break up. She's always saying that she's so nice to everyone and doesn't deserve how horribly her ex-partner broke up with her. I can't help thinking "Er, helloooooooo! Remember what a bitch you were when i came to you for support?!". Ah well.
Just take care of yourself OP

Sounds like a combination of things.

She'd weird
You clash
They know that you don't really drink

I wouldn't bother with the group chats and forced friendships, be polite when you see them and that's it.

I was so glad when my youngest finished primary, was sick of seeing the same people day in day out!

Just got ready to say no way would I be sending my child to this woman's house, but I see you've decided that already. Good for you, steer clear of her.