DH taking the puss out of my drugs

[WeirdHandDryers]

I have bipolar (recently diagnosed, this year). I was on 50mg of quetiapine and after a meltdown last week, I’m signed off work and meds have been doubled to 100mg.

Today, the washing machine started making a funny noise. DH mentioned it and I said “yes I think it’s broken, it was doing the same thing a few days ago”. He replied “yes I know, I’m not on drugs” ??? I asked what he was on about and he said “I’m concerned because I’m not on drugs”. Still confused (as any fucker would be) I asked again what he was talking about. He said “too many drugs for you, that’s why you don’t care”. So basically, long stupid story short he’s making a reference to the amount of medication I’m on, saying the doctor was wrong to increase it, I’m now a zombie and it won’t be helping. He’s now not talking to me??! Wtf

Your "D"P is a literal twat. As someone else who lives with bipolar, yes he is taking the piss. What you want to do with that is up to you: my own DH was an utter arse about my diagnosis for a year or so (his diagnosis is EUPD- I think he had a "thing" about how mine is "seen as a proper diagnosis" while his wasn't). Now he's genuinely the most supportive person I could think of. So, ltb or ride it out.

He sounds very unsupportive, and yes it sucks going to work but you're not off for the fun of it, he shouldn't be taking his frustrations out on you when you're going through a rough time and need his support, not just financially but emotionally.

If he's really concerned he should talk to you about it respectively rather than sulk like a baby.

I'd rather be a "zombie" than a twat like he's being.

*respectfully - damn auto correct

Augusta, with all due respect, not eceryobe’s Bipolar manifests in the same way. I have never smashed up the house, emptied the bank account or slept with a randomer. There are varying levels of bipolar too, not everyone is so extreme.
I started quetiapine in April and was back to work two weeks later. I thought I was managing ok, I even increased my hours to full time, was at the gym 3 times a week and feeling ‘ok’ ... and then all of a sudden I found I couldn’t get up in a morning, I would drag myself to work and sit worrying about all the mistakes I was making, I started cutting corners in an attempt to cope and then started shutting myself that I was going to get fired. The meltdown was verbal and to everyone else, seemed sudden. I saw it coming but I masked it well. But when I cracked, I cracked.

thank you weird for updating and straightening a few things out, some posts have become a bit me,me,me, when it's actually about weird, weird, weird .
as a fellow bipolar sufferer, who have my full empathy.

• you

100 is a low dose. Yes zombie can be side effect however his best bet is sitting and chatting to you about concerns in a kind manner

Wow Augusta. Telling someone with a mental illness that their version of events can't be relied on. OP's husband doesn't even need to gaslight her with you to do it for him does he?

OP it sounds like he was frustrated and acting out. And yes it does sound like he's "jealous" in some way of your illness and that you have time off for it. Mental health problems are the only illness where this would be the case - if you had a broken leg he wouldn't be this way (unless he really fucking hates his job!).

Quite a lot of important questions and context needed to properly assess the severity of this though.

Did he know about your mental health problems before you married/got together? It's possible he is anxious that they are escalating and that your lives will collapse and isn't reacting well to his feelings of fear and powerlessness (cf. most men). Maybe in a calmer moment try and draw him out on this a bit?

Is he often unkind about this or indeed other things? If so, why have you put up with it until now? What are his good points?

What is the rest of your support network like? And does he have people he can talk to/offload on/sub in when he's exhausted?

Basically while Augusta's manner towards you (and other posters) is totally unacceptable and obviously influenced by what she has suffered with her own partner, the point overall is a fair one - supporting someone with mental illness is incredibly hard in lots of ways. If this bad attitude is not his normal response to you, it could be the canary in the coal mine that he is struggling. Which is no excuse and not your fault, but it would definitely be worth taking a deep breath and discussing it calmly with him, explain how much it hurt you to be spoken to like that but say it has concerned you and you want him to tell you how he's feeling and what he needs to cope better - bearing in mind you stopping the medication that is prescribed for you helping you, or going back to work before you're ready, are not on the table.

Just start the conversation and see where it goes. If you think it is likely to get heated and be unproductive, maybe try and have a disinterested mediator - a mutual friend, or your GP/mental health nurse in the room to help guide things productively.

Wishing you much better soon

I can understand where Augusta is coming from. It is hard work being a carer or supporting someone with mental health difficulties.

I think the key is realising no one is perfect, cut each other some slack and communication.

I don't know why everyone is jumping on Augusta = she has some good points. Presumably if you have Bipolar and have a partner it must be a tremendous strain. Both are just getting used to a big change - it is understandable the partner is stressed and worried and they are snapping at each other. The OP will be worse off alone.

If this was the other way round the advice would be wholly different.

OP has said he has form for this. I suspect he's using her illness as a stick to beat her with. There are plenty of dickheads out there, just because OP has a mental health illness, it doesn't mean that her husband isn't a dickhead.

I don't think it's deliberate. He has to work and look after the OP, and now run the house. The OP is in no fit state to fix the machine and he probably just lost his temper with the replies. The trouble with MH is you appear OK, and once you find the right drugs you are.

Don't have a go at him, he's just as bewildered as you. You are better off with him so find a good moment to talk and sort things out.

Do you have children?

You don't know OP's husband. You cannot categorically say that she's better off with him. She might be, but equally, if he's emotionally abusive, she might not be.

On being 'jealous' about diagnoses, I have Major Depression - straight ordinary depression, and I've heard a saying before that
'Bipolars have more fun'.

At least they (or some) have moments of being happy, with ordinary depression it is simply a flat line most of the time, at best. Sometimes I wish I had Bipolar, at least then I would experience both extremes.

Your post was hard to read.

Was this an accurate reflection of your conversation?

Don't let him take the puss!