DH taking the puss out of my drugs

[WeirdHandDryers]

I have bipolar (recently diagnosed, this year). I was on 50mg of quetiapine and after a meltdown last week, I’m signed off work and meds have been doubled to 100mg.

Today, the washing machine started making a funny noise. DH mentioned it and I said “yes I think it’s broken, it was doing the same thing a few days ago”. He replied “yes I know, I’m not on drugs” ??? I asked what he was on about and he said “I’m concerned because I’m not on drugs”. Still confused (as any fucker would be) I asked again what he was talking about. He said “too many drugs for you, that’s why you don’t care”. So basically, long stupid story short he’s making a reference to the amount of medication I’m on, saying the doctor was wrong to increase it, I’m now a zombie and it won’t be helping. He’s now not talking to me??! Wtf

Ask him if this is his little way of expressing concern about your health.

Ask him if he would like to talk to your doctor about his concerns.

Remind him that you are there for him no matter what [grit your teeth if necessary while saying this] even though you are ill, and that you hope he will relax about you being off work while you recover.

@Augusta, what do you mean by he's 'stuck by her'? He's her husband. He's supposed to 'stick by her' or in other words support the OP. Does the phrase 'In sickness and in health' mean anything to you?*

I suggest you have a quick nip over to the relationships board and see how women with partners with problems far less difficult than Bipolar are regularly told to LTB.

My partner has bipolar. I am a member of a support group for people whose partners are bipolar. It is an illness which isn’t asked for and I have nothing but sympathy for people who have it. But to pretend, as people on this thread are, that people with bipolar are in relationships where they are able to demand perfect behaviour from their partners right down to being pissed off about a little comment is delusional.

Bipolar disorder is an awful, awful illness for those who suffer from it and their loved ones. Coming home and finding your bank account drained, somebody else in your bed, drugs in the house and people banging at your door is not uncommon. Begging the local mental health services to please come and section your partner who is trashing the place is not unfamiliar territory for most partners of people with bipolar disorder.

But, yeah, most of you who don’t even know what bipolar disorder is carry on telling the op that her objecting to a comment about a washing machine means that she has the bad deal in this relationship.

Shepherdspieisminging sorry, wasn't trying to cause offence. Of course low doses can make you feel rubbish. When I started olanzapine I went to sleep that night and woke up two days later and thought it was the next morning. Apparently I'd woken up at some point and gone to the nurses office to ask for amphetamines to wake me up! The point I was making was more that the doctor was perfectly reasonable to increase to a more therapeutic dose, and also that there are likely to be more increases on the cards. I wasn't suggesting that op shouldn't experience side effects. Psych meds are horrible for that (I've just posted on not wanting to take them myself)

And the only other person on this thread whose actually taken Quietapine agrees with me.

Well, well done all of you. Somewhere out there somebody is coping with their partner having a breakdown and you’re all encouraging her to tell him he’s a bastard because he made a comment about her medication. Wonderful.

Just as a little light reading, here’s what some (female) Mumsnetters say about relationships with someone bipolar:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2678181-Thoughts-on-relationships-where-one-partner-is-bipolar

@Augusta, if you'd read my post properly you'd have seen that I am well aware of what bipolar disorder is as I have seen what my SIL has gone through after being diagnosed.
Just because YOUR relationship isn't working the way you want doesn't mean you should take it out on the OP purely because she has been diagnosed with bipolar too. Just because she has doesn't mean she's going to be the same as your husband.

I hope you're never in a situation where your health is letting you down and you badly need support but don't get any.

So shepherd, you are talking about yourself when your bipolar disorder is under controlled and managed. You don’t get diagnosed with bipolar disorder for feeling a bit down or having an off day. What happened for you to be diagnosed with bipolar disorder in the first place must have been pretty major.

The OP is not in a place where here bipolar disorder is managed. She is still in the thick of having meltdowns.

Not everything I mentioned is my partners behaviour, some of it is stuff I have heard from a support group. We are lucky enough to be in a position where his illness is well managed and we have a settled and productive life.

Not to mention that not one of you is considering that if the OP has children with this man and she starts berating him, he will walk out and she will probably end up with an hours supervised visitation a week.

OP, ask your partner how he thinks the drugs have affected you. Write it down, take it to your next appointment. There are various combinations of drugs they can supply and some will suit you better than others.

But please don’t tell your main support he’s a cunt because a few arseholes on here love splitting up relationships and causing drama.

Remember nobody on here gives a shit about you. Someone who shares his life with you probably cares more than a few randoms on the internet who like a good drama.

I have a lot of sympathy with your pov Augusta.

Best case scenario, someone with bipolar is compliant with medical advice, values their relationships, and their illness is well controlled by medication. Many scenarios fall short of 'best case' however, for a number of reasons.

However, any concerns on the part of family members about medication levels or any other aspects of the illness should be addressed to the doctor, and maybe the patient can waive confidentiality so that minds can be set at ease. It would be nice if family members, partners, etc could just accept a diagnosis or a prescription, but being the partner of someone with a MH issue can be incredibly exhausting or even scary, and contrary to what is being claimed here, the illness can cause a partner to become very difficult to live with. Talking to the doctor can sometimes make a huge difference. But sometimes feelings are too hurt to recover easily.

"There are too many examples for me to go into but yes, he has form."

Some Men deliberately choose Women with pasts, disabilities, or health/MH conditions, so they have a stick to beat them with.

A Councillor (for my health) had told me that if anyone uses your illness against you, cut them out of your life. They are no good for your MH.

OP do you have anyone who you can trust in RL that you could talk things over with? It sounds as though you could do with that.

mathanxiety put it better than I did.

shepherd, but you’re cheerleading some bloke being called a complete bastard for making a relatively innocuous comment about his partners medication.

The replies on her were generally encouraging the OP to tell him he was an arsehole. This is a man that we know has spent recent days dealing with a partner having a complete mental breakdown.

And you’re encouraging the OP to call him selfish and berate him?

I wonder what the OPs ‘meltdown’ involved? The likelihood is, if it’s bipolar disorder, it was something pretty fucking extreme.

Half the people on this thread probably don’t even know what bipolar disorder is, let alone are qualified to give advice.

Augusta, I took it for a good few years and managed to work outside the house. So no, not everybody agrees with you.

Do yourself a favour, stop projecting and go and sort your own house out.

It’s nasty to use a persons vulnerability against them, there’s no excuse for it.
Most people when pushed to the limit will perhaps call someone a name and/or go out for a walk, not pick on someone’s health issue.

spiteful, you went to work in the week after starting Quietapine. Rightio.

If a doctor prescribed Quietapine to somebody who was functioning well and going to work they should be struck off.

And now apparently he’s some sort of predator who hunts down women with mental illnesses to abuse?

Do you want me to post a few more accounts of being the partner of someone with bipolar disorder from here shepherd. I will.

Augusta. I assume you are semi-intelligent. So please tell me how you have read "I took it for a good few years and managed to work outside the house" as "went to work in the week after starting Quietapine".

He sounds jealous of your mental health diagnosis.

Shepherds (and yes, it IS bloody minging!) Isn't it shocking how these irresponsible shrinks support people who want to return to work eh?

The OP started Quietapine last week. She has a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and had a breakdown last week.

You keep on telling her there’s nothing wrong. How responsible of you. You must care so much.