In laws behaviour

[dietcoke2020]

I feel it may just be me being possessive over my 3 month old baby as a first time mum but I am finding my mother in law very difficult to be around. She is always wanting to be alone with my baby so makes suggestions that I go out. She is also obsessed with wanting to feed my baby - my husband and I are the only ones who have fed her so far and aren't comfortable with anyone else doing it but she just gets sulky and moans she wants to do it. When my baby cries and I comfort her, mil gets in babies face and shushes her but that doesn't help! I know my baby is lucky to have a granny who loves her but I am finding it overwhelming and annoying. What do I do?

When my daughter was 4 months old I was taken seriously ill and admitted to hospital. I was unable to care for my DD for two weeks. I was so glad that I had allowed those close to me to help me in caring for my DD before that point. Just something to think about.

this woman
Really?

I don't think you're being unreasonable. It's important to have a bond with your baby and I think you and your husband being the only ones to feed your baby is important. I breastfeed and love that I'm the only one that can provide that for my baby. Maybe you could try speaking to your partner and seeing how he feels about it and if he could maybe have a word with his mother.

@Dragonbait - I think this is something that people don't really think about. SIL didn't like anyone holding or feeding her DD, totally her choice and no-one in the family thought any less of her for that decision. SIL became ill when DN was 6/7mths and they needed support, DN just wouldn't settle with any of us and it was so sad to see her get in such a state.

My DD is 18 months old and it was actually suggested by midwives and health visitors before she was born that it should be parents only feeding baby for at least the first few months. If I remember correctly they said something about the links to bonding and primary carers? So no, you’re not being unreasonable or controlling.
I had PND so it was actually suggested we continue this for however long we felt comfortable with it and in the end we did it for 6 months until she was weaned onto solids. It got a few raised eyebrows and comments but such is life, not everybody is going to agree with how you do things.

I also got the people being desperate to have her on their own from 4 weeks onwards!! Again, wasn’t ready for that so they were told firmly but politely “we’re not ready for that.”

There are plenty of ways people can bond, cuddles being the main one! ☺️ Encouraging them to get down on the floor with her with a baby gym mat or toys etc.

OP, you MIL is normal. I think she is trying to help you.

You sound a little highly strung and anxious - which is normal with a new baby. But do yourself a favour and let other people join in.

"my baby my baby" your words show that she's yours full stop .... Doesn't have a doting granma that wants to love her and give her the odd feed!
You should encourage a loving relationship for your daughters sake..... You are being possessive, narcissistic and horrible

Yanbu. My MIL was exactly like this. Telling me not to breastfeed as she was wouldn't get to bond with the baby 🤨 I was expressing and breastfeeding but even if I did Express I only wanted my partner and I to feed my baby as that was how we bonded with her it's not necessary for others to feed her and it's your baby so do what you like. I didnt let her or anyone look after my daughter until she was 10 months MIL insisted on looking after her 2 days a week at my house so I don't have to pay for childcare but after 3 weeks I wasnt comfortable with her or fil looking after her so put her in childcare.
In hindsight I probably was a bit OTT about some rules I had, but that was what I wanted to do at the time and I don't regret anything she still loves both her grandparents the same so I'm happy.

I felt exactly the same with my first baby, although didn’t have the feeding issue as was breastfeeding. But every time my baby cried I just wanted her back and my MIL would walk off into another room with her and (unsuccessfully) try to shush her. Drove me mad! Do whatever YOU feel comfortable with, it’s your baby. There’s no rush to go out and leave the baby or let others feed the baby - if you were breastfeeding she wouldn’t be able to feed so I don’t really get what the difference is, if you want to do all the feeds yourself (or your DH) then that’s your choice. In time you will appreciate the offer of babysitting but your baby is still very young, go at your own pace!

Dotty that's a horrible thing to say. It is her baby fgs.

I personally had no problem with other members of family feeding my baby (I combi fed and expressed) as it gave us a break when we were exhausted (had to feed every 2 hours and pump in between due to low milk supply and baby losing a lot of weight) so it worked for us to have the help but if you aren't comfortable yet don't let anyone dictate that you should let others feed your baby.

As for the leaving alone... The first time I did was at 4 weeks because of an emergency, I had no choice but hated it... I knew my baby was safe with my mum but really did not want to leave my baby that soon, your MIL needs to step back and let you both embrace parenthood in your own time.

There is some really nasty replies here... Please ignore them.

Yes agreed there are some nasty replies on here - I don't get why people have to be so rude!

I'm in the same position as you but worse!

Regardless if I was or wasn't in the same position my take on this is it is YOUR baby YOU are the baby's mother, the baby came out of your virgina (sorry to be blunt) YOU held baby for 9months and went through that labour so ultimately whatever you and your partner decide is no one else's flipping business!!

I'm sorry I don't care grandparents of not you are the mother and you and your partner decide what's best also like someone else said these are your special moments and no one should ruin it!

I think if you want to think of a solution I think the fair thing to do is be present and supervise and a nice way..

You do what's best for you in a polite and humble way and stand your ground!

at some of the replies on this thread. Guess who will be overbearing, entitled mother in laws in the future 🤦🏼‍♀️?

OP it is your baby. Trust your instincts. Plenty of time for baby to bond with other family members in the future. YADNBU.