To think speaking in another language to exclude people is rude?

[restfultartan]

First off, I was brought up bilingually so have some insight to this.

My friend was holding a small drinks get together at her flat the other night, to celebrate a big birthday.

She invited an old friend who is Finnish, who asked if her partner of 6 months could come (Finnish), my friend said sure no problem. She got a message asking if her old flatmate who is incidentally Finnish could come.

There were 2 others who were from all over Europe, including my friend's husband. So, there were 4 of us sat at one part of the room, and the three Fins sat as a trio on the other side of the room. Not once, all evening did they engage with anyone else and spent the whole night speaking Finnish. I tried speaking to them as I know one of them, and received a rather curt "Yes" and then they proceeded to talk amongst themselves again.

The Finnish couple brought food to cook in the flat as they hadn't had time to eat beforehand (drinks were from 9pm..), they did not clean up their plates or pans.

My friend was given a bottle of Dom Perignon for her birthday by her parents, and kindly shared it in small amounts between all. There was a bit left, as I had poured the champagne. The Finnish couple then returned from the dining room and I'm pretty certain she had filled her champagne flute all the way up.

After a few drinks we decided to leave for a bar as my friends husband wasn't feeling well, so left so he could sleep. The Fins then proceeded to say "oh we'll stay here", but I'm not sure if this was said in jest.

It really pissed me off that they had basically ruined my friends birthday drinks and so I tipsily told them they had been "Incredibly rude". To which they tipsily retorted that they didn't like the area that my friend lived in! (For context, it's in a nice area of North London think £1m+, but the Fins live in a council tower block)

Do you think speaking in another language to exclude people is rude? Especially when at a small gathering at someone else's house?

Finns tend to get excited when they meet other Finns abroad as there's so few of them so they probably just got caught up in a chance to speak their language, plus generally Finns being not that great with social situations with people they don't know really well unless they're drunk (then they're too friendly...) but apart from that they sound very rude.

It does sound like a crap party to be fair

But I definitely speak English when I find someone else that speaks it even when I'm around people who don't speak it because it is fucking exhausting speaking another language if you're not a true bilingual (from very early childhood)

Exactly Natsku a lot of people seem unable to understand that not everyone who speaks 2 + languages is equally able to express themself in both/ all of them. If you grew up with the languages and genuinely think in both, the level of mental effort is much lower than people functioning in a language they've learnt in adulthood. Also although a small percentage of people pick up languages as easily as breathing, for others it's an effort all of the time.

I live my life in German - work, study, neighbors, kids school, friends - but I feel impaired all if the time. I'll never be able to express myself as well as in English.

For that reason I utterly empathise with anyone grabbing a chance to speak their native language when they have to use a non native community language most of the time.

I work in an environment mainly employed with French and Germanic dialect speakers. Many times I'm the only English speaker in a meeting and the official language of the company is English, however is never expect everyone to switch to English in a meeting where it's me versus 8 other non English participants.

I tell them to speak on and that I'll stop them and ask for translation if I get stuck. If they want to continue in English and they get tongue tied I ask them to say it in German as I might understand, and usually it unblocks the mental wall by saying it in the native language.

It's really stressful speaking in another language to a native speaker, and it's like a holiday when you meet someone of your own language and can just relax and have a babble.

Oh and I'm Welsh too, and yes this "just because I'm English they switch" crap is so tiresome. It's our language. The Swiss manage 4 languages equally and respectfully, the anti Welsh vibe is bloody arrogant.

Just because Welsh people speak perfect English it doesn't mean they always think in it.

I used to work as with people from all over the world but there was a strict rules of English only in guest areas. The reason being, it tends to make English people uncomfortable if staff/crew are discussing something the guest can't understand. Oddly enough though other nationalities didn't really seem to care! But there was a complaint nearly every time from English people.

Good bloody grief. Bilingual and I wouldn't dream of making a complaint just because someone was speaking a language I didn't understand.