to not bite my tongue this time

[inlectorecumbit]

DH and l were going to go out tonight for a meal and catch up. My lovely SIL offered to host as she has youngish DC's. Fair enough.
Other SIL and l offered to bring along a main and desert each- all good.
Now DFIL and his DP are coming along. I love DFIL but his partner is just not a nice woman at all, she constantly makes cutting and sarcastic remarks but we tolerate her for FIL sake.
However l am a veggie and have made two meat free dishes (DH and the rest are happy with this) but l know l am going to be subjected to multiple comments ranging from being inconsiderate to others and being ridiculous in my eating and drinking habits.( i am the driver and tend just to drink tap water)
So WIBU to bite back this time and can anyone give me a clue on how to shut her down.. it will go on all night.
Please ..DH says just laughat her but l am not good at that.

I have never said this to anyone before but I genuinely think the old Mumsnet mantra 'Did you mean to be so rude?' Would go down a treat!

If you are not happy with the food you can bring your own next time/ order a takeaway I'm sure you know how to operate a phone/ there's a tesco express 'insert location' why don't you make use of this?

My lifestyle choices does not concern you so please be mindful instead of disrespecting me.

Are they bringing anything? I bet not.

In which case I'd say something along the lines of 'if you are so particular about what you eat maybe you could contribute next time' with a big grin (and stick your fingers up behind her back)

I'd be inclined to be quite blunt & tell her if she doesn't like the vegetarian options she doesn't have to eat them. Or as a pp says just ask her if she means to be so rude.

It depends if you want to handle the situation or shut her up.
Handle it will just be keeping your shield up and deflecting, “well you can do something different when we come to yours”, “hmm it is beginning to feel Christmassy isn’t it” smile and nod.
Shut her up “are you worried you’ll get an accidental vitamin?” “Do you want to eat at the kids table?” “Is there a reason you want me to be drunk”

Challenge every comment, so she has to explain herself and look stupid.

Tell your DH beforehand that you are prepared for this to turn into you telling her straight.

Don't make a nasty comment, keep it factual and challenging.

You are in someone else's house, who is a closer relation and you want to keep people onside.

"Well if you don't like the food on offer next time FIL can come on his own and enjoy himself and you can stay at home"

Said with a sickly sweet smile.

Agree - don't bite your tongue! Starting tonight.
Ask her what her contribution to the meal is - if she doesn't like veggie food, bring/eat her own.
Is she suggesting that you drink alcohol, and then drive a car?
Join forces with your SIL(s).

I like - are you worried you might eat an accidental vitamin?
Assuming they haven’t brought anything, say if it doesn’t work for you you can always eat what you brought.
Did you plan on being unpleasant tonight or is that just how it turned out?
You seem very bitter, I can’t understand why. Did you get dumped by a vegetarian once? Your lost true love?

What’s the point in asking if someone means to be so rude? 9.9/10 the answer is yes.....

OP you could try pointing out how incredibly boring her whinging on is every time. That’s what we do with my tween- which is apparently her mental age.

“Oh dear mil. I didn’t know you don’t like roast potatoes/carrots/peas/insert food here. Are you going to be just ok eating the turkey on it’s own”

“Oh no mil, I didn’t know you couldn’t drink anything non alcoholic. It’s must be awful”

Bet she shuts up pretty quick

I'd go for a combination of:

• "do you mean to be so rude?"
• if she's accuses you of being inconsiderate I would challenge it directly and make her explain herself to the point where you bottom out that only she is insistent on meat and actually it's inconsiderate of her to you especially since you have brought the food AND she's contributed sweet FA to the meal (THAT is inconsiderate)
• laughing in her face and exclaiming "do you know how ridiculous you sound?"
• "we are having a nice evening, please stop being unpleasant and spoiling it"

I would be inclined to just completely blank any rude comments. If they are just left hanging there with no response they will likely dry up.

Tell her that she isn’t obliged to eat it.

she constantly makes cutting and sarcastic remarks but we tolerate her for FIL sake.

TBH I would be tempted to say this. Maybe rearrange it “you know, we all tolerate you for FILs sake but your cutting and sarcastic remarks do not go unnoticed”. And I’d make sure everyone heard it.

Ask her what she brought to the party.

"I try to eat healthily. I've heard that if you don't get enough nutrients daily you can get grumpy and behave like a real bitch."

How about
Why are you always so interested in my eating and drinking? I'm vegetarian so eat vege first I'd and I'm driving so I'm not drinking alcohol ... why does thst need inspection every time we see you? Nobody else is so bothered

'Yes. You said that last time. And the time before. It's getting a bit tiresome now. Nothing's changed here. I'll make a deal with you, I won't ask you to eat vegetarian food if you don't ask me to drink alcohol. OK?'

"It must be so tiring to worry about my eating habits constantly"

"I'm not sure what your morals are like but I don't drink and drive"

Insert sweet unassuming smile

totally agree with you saucy 'did you mean to be so rude ? it really is a silly thing to say if you think about 'yes i did actually so what ?' how many people would and say sorry bluster it out, people who are rude are just rude and often have no filter or are so entitled they think that social niceties don't apply to them.

Every time she makes a negative comment, pretend you couldn’t hear it properly and ask her to repeat what she said. It will sound so foolish and mean the second time as everyone waits to hear it. I’ve seen this tactic used very effectively indeed.

Nobody in real life says 'did you mean to be so rude'... If they did, chances are the answer would be yes.

OP, decide you are not going to let her get to you. If she passes a smart remark, pretend you only half heard it. Ask her to repeat it. Look bemused but don't engage further. Focus on the other, nicer people there.
Don't let the night be spoiled by one person.

Just say “zzzz” and yawn when she has her digs. Then change the subject and talk to someone else so she doesn’t get the attention she’s after.

FGS please don’t say “did you mean to be so rude?”. It is not a witty comment in any way shape or form and just invites her to continue the dramatics.

I'd just look at her and then look away - if she continues she'll look a mug if you don't respond