Am i interfering unreasonably

[Amai]

A friend has left her husband to go to another country, and left the kids too. She left while the dad was away at work in another town and the kids 10 and 4 were in the house for a couple of days. A cleaner came in during the day and the land lord was close at hand but uninformed of the mothers decision to leave. The kids had to stay alone in the house at night for at least three nights which is how long the dad took to find out his wife had left. So as friends me and some others offered to take the kids when he went to work, today i found his kids had been sleeping alone again for two nights. I told him i would have them over and he agreed and I took them. Has he got his head screwed on right?

Have you called anyone yet? I am really frightened for these little kiddies and the way it's going. It's going to end up another story in a newspaper that nobody did anything about un til something terrible happened. Do you even know if they have food in that house? I mean food that they can eat without needing to use a tin opener or turning the oven on?? It's such a shame that nobody is doing anything. Yes they may be scared at first if they get taken away but surely they would get sent to a nice home and be a lot safer and get looked after or if you are willing then put your name forward to foster them until there parents sort themselves out. It is really irresponsible if you just sit and watch. You need to do something drastic before it's to late

@woodpigeons Thanks for the support

You are very welcome @Amai and please pm me if there is anything I can help with, even just as someone to talk to.
I worked as an aid worker in Africa for many years but unfortunately I don’t know anyone in Zambia, or nearby countries, or really in Africa at all now. My experience has been that governments change, wars happen and aid workers, although they are usually the last to go, are pulled out.

@Smiler126 in African countries children are invariably fostered within the family on an informal basis. Adoption and fostering, as we know it, does not happen there.
I have been in orphanages. Children are in crowded rooms with too few people to care for them.

No toys or anything else to stimulate them, they are lucky if they get to share a bed or cot. If not they sleep on the hard, cold floor.
Food usually consists of a thin porridge of cornmeal and water.
Sanitation is poor and children very quickly become unwell in such crowded conditions. They are then sent to severely underfunded hospitals where some, especially babies, die.

The dad has organised food which just needs to be microwaved. The house was clean asthe maid had been in in the morning. Everything is normal except he for got to ask an adult to look after them when the maid knocked off!

He is back in Lusaka now and will pick up the kids soon. I have asked my husband to speak with him but it will have to be a phone call as he is out of town (seems to be a trend with dads in these parts!). I cant trust myself to keep my cool you see. I also expect him to block me and be defensive. Not good in front of the kids. I will tell the land lady to be firm with him and tell him not to leave the kids unattended on her property. Whether she will or not is another thing, she relies on his rent! Will keep an eye on the situation and see if there is a change in his behavior next time he leaves town.

@smiler0206 sorry forgot to tag you regarding the food situation read above please.

Even microwave meals are dangerous for children so young. What if they don't put them in for long enough? This is an awful situation and so sad and I do realise how awkward it must be for you especially with your husband working with there dad. But if the children's own parents aren't going to put them first then somebody else needs to. I'd like to think that if I was in this position that I would ring the authorities, even if they were my best friends or my sister's kids. Them kids need putting first. Can you imagine having a childhood like that? They must feel so scared and unloved. I've read really sad biographies of people who have had childhoods similar and most of them turn to drugs or end up in jail by the time they are teenagers. And it only takes for the wrong person to realise they are home alone and who would be there to protect them from an intruder?

@smiler0206 well this we are all agreed on but it seem s left up to me because no one else is prepared to take any action. Small community, the dad acts like it is normal, he came back to get them and was all cheerful and friendly like its normal to abandon kids for days at a time. So spoke to a friend and she says I should go to the Teacher and tell him. I think this is a good place to start, the daughter is in my daughters class at school. I would never leave my 10 yr old to fend for herself in the house alone at night looking after a 4yr old.

It's just a good job that they have you in there lives. Poor kids, breaks my heart. Yes talking to the teacher is a good idea. Even if he can't do anything about it, he may have some ideas on your next step and who to call ECT. Please keep us updated as I'm not going to be able to stop thinking about them. How do the children seem in themselves when you see Them? Have they said anything about how they feel about the situation?

OP bless you for stepping in. I know nothing about the authorities in Zambia but if you say they are corrupt, well, you would know better than most of us! But I think you're right, a better arrangement needs to be found. The idea of speaking to the teacher or doctor is good, perhaps someone with some authority could tell him he mustn't leave them and needs to contact friends to look after them when he works away, it sounds like you and others are willing if only he would tell you! Another place to look for help might be the local church/mosque (I'm not sure what religion is predominant where you are) if they are involved in a community like that perhaps people could make sure they are at least being fed without having to use the cooking equipment themselves? Good luck!

OP i wanted to take the time to say well done. You are in a difficult situation and could have turned a blind eye. It is more difficult to manage these situations as expats and the support you would have in the UK is just not there.
I would suggest not putting dad's back up. Make like you are his bff, you recognise how much he is going through blah blah and that you are there to support him and have the kids as much as possible.
I know this is putting a lot on you. You will be having such a positive effect on the kid's lives. Possibly saving them.

Thank you mums, @smiler0206 , @UAEMum , @TigerMummy1, will see what the teacher says tomorrow, they are usually very helpful.

The kids seem unaffected by their mum's sudden departure and she is on whatsapp with the DD regularly. The boy can't talk and gets stressed sometimes but is generally really well behaved. I worry more about the safety aspect than the trauma, I guess they are happy at home on their devices. But the thought of any accident like choking, drowning or slipping in the bath and them having to deal with it on their own is crazy.

Did you get to speak to the teacher about the situation?

Any updates?? Keep thinking about these kiddies ☹

@smiler0206 I told the dad how i felt by text after he picked up the kids and I was genial to him. He said he had been waiting to see if the maid was to be trusted!!to stay at his house with the kids, at first he thought not but now he and his wife are fine with it!! ( the same wife who left him) So then i thought he is just an a$$ and has to be watched like a hawk and I told the teacher and head at school. The landlady said she would also have a word not to leave them unattended again.

This HAS to be reported. If no easy route to police or social services, an embassy or consulate? His employer? The kids must be classed as Dutch nationals?
It's great you're involved and looking out for these kids. But they've been abandoned by one parent and the other is, by any measure, unfit to care for them. Please don't delay.

What did the teachers say?