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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have a bottle of wine?

34 replies

purple8pig · 24/11/2018 18:32

OK so having read a few posts in the last couple of days regarding drinking habits, I'm wondering if I am indeed being unreasonable.
I have 4 children (youngest is 4 and oldest is 12) and DH works till 11pm. As you can imagine the teatime/bedtime few hours is rather stressful and usually involves lots of arguing from the kids. I often would love a drink but usually don't. Maybe once a week I will get a bottle of wine. I have a glass with dinner (around 5pm) and a glass while I'm cleaning up/ getting kids sorted for bed. (not if I'm bathing the little ones though).

 They see me have the glass with dinner, and I'm sure there are some effects after majority of a bottle of wine, however I'm still perfectly responsible and can type / send , messages (I've had almost a bottle now for example) I just feel sometimes after a stressful week it is nice to not feel so bogged down with the evening routine.

I don't have a drink if we will be doing homework or school reading. There of course is the chance of an emergency occurring so I obviously wouldn't be able to drive them, but I do feel id be able to respond to an emergency situation and I would always be able to get either family or a taxi here within 10 minutes.

 Is this a problematic drinking situation? from what I've read its highly irresponsible to drink before kids go to bed and also to have a full bottle whilst alone with them. maybe other coping mechanisms would be better.

I'm well prepared to be told I'm BU (but would like to think I'm not so I can continue my weekly bottle of wine haha)

Also I never go out or have more than a bottle of wine so although I'm sure they're aware I'm a bit more 'fun' than usual they've never seen me drunk.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 24/11/2018 18:35

You're fine. Stop overthinking it.

Celebelly · 24/11/2018 18:41

I don't think there's anything wrong with a couple of glasses. I'm not sure I'd drink a whole bottle of wine on my own while being solely responsible for the kids (and I don't think I'd be happy about my DP doing so either, although he doesn't drink), but then again I stopped drinking a few years ago so a bottle of wine would probably have me flat on my back nowadays, so I'm probably thinking about it with that in mind!

My mum often drank a glass of wine after work but I never saw her anything approaching tipsy or drunk (and at the age of 33, still haven't!).

Half six strikes me as a little early to have finished a whole bottle of wine, but as I said before, not having been a drinker for a few years is possibly colouring my perception there (and really I suppose that time of day doesn't matter so much, it just seems like a lot to have drunk in an hour and a half if you started at 5 - drinking that fast always made me a lot more tipsy than drinking a bottle over a good few hours).

I'm am a little bit worried you call it a 'coping mechanism' as I think that can be a dangerous way to look at alcohol and drinking in a more general sense.

Original poster
purple8pig · 24/11/2018 18:51

yes probably right regarding coping mechanism. But then there are plenty of evenings id love to have a drink but don't because id rather not have more than a bottle a week.

6.30 probably is early (not finished the bottle but have had 2 glasses so im 2/3 of the way through it)but we do all go up to bed at 8 (younger ones to sleep, me and the older ones to read)

I didn't think It was that bad and like I say I really honestly think im ok to look after them, or I wouldn't do it. but after reading a few threads on here they make having a glass of wine before the kids go to bed sound like child neglect.

OP posts:
Neverender · 24/11/2018 19:01

I've got a very small crystal wine glass that I drink from (was a set from our wedding presents) so I drink fewer glasses and therefore less. I can't drink from a massive glass as I always drink more than I intended to!

masterandmargarita · 24/11/2018 19:04

I've never understood the not drinking in case of emergency argument. Unless you live in the back of beyond, Just get a taxi.

zeebeedee · 24/11/2018 19:04

Can't you spread the bottle over 2 or 3 nights? I have a bottle of wine most weeks, but I start it on Friday night, and don't usually finish it till Sunday dinner

cardibach · 24/11/2018 19:08

The not drinking because you couldn’t drive in an emergency thing is bonkers. Does this mean if you can’t drive you aren’t allowed children?
It sounds fine to me OP. DD is almost 23 and I did that as a single parent all her childhood. She seems fine.

Magair · 24/11/2018 19:13

i drink plenty - around 2 bottles of wine a week, plus a couple of G and Ts and whatever I want if I go out, maybe once every week or so.

However, I would feel weird about drinking that amount that early in the day whilst I with the kids alone. It implies a sort of loss of control or ability to regulate perhaps? I know that if I had to have contact with the police/SS/hospital and explain to them that yes, it was six thirty and I was two thirds into a bottle of wine and yes, I was alone with my kids who were still up and doing their normal daily activities, I wouldn't feel good about it or able to hold my head high about it. I'm not sure whether that's my issue though.

I drink around the kids if I feel it's appropriate.... glass of wine at the pub when we are having Sunday lunch, beers at a BBQ, mulled wine in winter at an event, but not just when we're all at home alone doing our evening routine. Doesn't sit right.

MissClarke86 · 24/11/2018 19:23

I’ve had 2 glasses and will probably drink the rest of the bottle when my curry arrives. My 22 month old is in bed and I’m home alone. I’ve no problems with it but I can have a bottle without feeling a loss of control and would easily be able to sort taxi etc if there was an emergency.

kindnessisnotaweakness · 24/11/2018 19:38

I think it’s a problem - try and give it up and see how you feel. If you struggle without it, or you can’t limit yourself to half the bottle or one glass, you have issues with alcohol. It doesn’t matter that’s its only once a week.

kindnessisnotaweakness · 24/11/2018 19:39

Also I don’t think you should be normalising drinking a bottle of wine to yourself in front of your kids. You may not feel tipsy / drunk, but they will be seeing the difference in you and it will make them feel uneasy.

dontalltalkatonce · 24/11/2018 19:42

Now, now, OP, you know better than to ask about drinking on MN! You have a thimbleful of sherry at Xmas and then only if you're not alone and your kids are 30.

blueskiesandforests · 24/11/2018 19:45

I'm not sure tbh, on the fence. I actually think the frequently thinking about drinking but restraining yourself is more indicative of a potential/ growing addiction than the time of day.

Regarding alcohol as a coping mechanism almost certainly isnt good.

An adult going to bed at 8pm especially when their spouse works til 11pm is an unusual dynamic though. You clearly can't drink when the kids are in bed because you go with them.

Is there a reason you go to bed at the same time as your 4 year old? Is one of your children a terrible sleeper and it's the only way to get enough sleep yourself?

Something else is going on here isn't it?

Exasperatedcroc · 24/11/2018 19:47

I don't see any problem with this. One bottle of wine a week isn't problematic at all. Who cares when you choose to drink it! I don't drink before my kids are in bed usually but that is just because I don't think I would get the same pleasure from it.

Bloomini · 24/11/2018 19:49

I think it sounds like a problem similar to what PP says why not try going without out. I think if you're not careful it will soon become more than a bottle a week as it's very easy to end up drinking more. You're also starting quite early at 5 with dinner.

Could you try waiting till 8pm after they're in bed and stretching it out to two glasses over a few nights instead that way?

Self medicating and seeing it as a for stress is understandable but I think it's a rocky road to problem drinking which will be harder to shake off. Sorry probably not what you wanted to hear but by asking on here I think you may recognise deep down this could become problematic which is a good start to be aware of it.

costacoffeecup · 24/11/2018 19:52

I have done similar on a Friday night before if dp is out. I would also prefer to have a few glasses earlier and then go to bed early, if I'm in my own with dd I go to bed at the same time as I prefer to read rather than watch tv of an evening and I'd rather do that in bed! I can see how it could become a problem if you were doing it three or four times a week but not if it's infrequent.

Original poster
purple8pig · 24/11/2018 19:56

Thanks all, yes the youngest sleeps awfully and I'm a natural early riser, so (6.30am most days) so I go up when they do and read or watch tv for a couple of hours (or until dh gets home if he's not gong to be too late)
I feel happy that a few of you think it's not a problem but the fact a few of you have raised issues has made me think. I don't rely on it but yes I can see that I could become reliant on it maybe.

I think I do use having 4 kids and a stressful evening with them as an excuse. I think I'm going to have a break from having any, maybe wait and have some at Christmas. Use it for occasions or like pp said, a new I the summer. Not just a random evening because I'm stressed :)

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 24/11/2018 19:58

Fgs that’s fine. Fortunately I live right next to a hospital so blows that argument out of the water

I don’t drink in the week but life’s too short not to have nice wine at the weekend

Original poster
purple8pig · 24/11/2018 19:58

The more I'm reading/ writing the more I'm thinking I actually posted this because I can see that it could easily become a problem, rather than previous threads making me think.

OP posts:
Eliza9917 · 24/11/2018 20:00

Can't you spread the bottle over 2 or 3 nights? I have a bottle of wine most weeks, but I start it on Friday night, and don't usually finish it till Sunday dinner

How many glasses do you get out of a bottle? I get 3.

Butterymuffin · 24/11/2018 20:00

Does your DH work till 11pm every night? So is it always solo drinking?

Hoopaloop · 24/11/2018 20:03

Use a smaller glass is great advice 👍

Caprisunorange · 24/11/2018 20:04

Nah you’re over thinking it probably because of the puritanical posts on MN. You’re having breaks between your glasses so don’t forget that the alcohol metabolises in this time. About a unit an hour

dontalltalkatonce · 24/11/2018 20:12

Oh, yes, on MN you're also never supposed to 'solo drink', so if you're single or your partner is away you're a total alkie if you drink at all.

zeebeedee · 24/11/2018 20:13

Eliza9917 Sat 24-Nov-18 20:00:47
Can't you spread the bottle over 2 or 3 nights? I have a bottle of wine most weeks, but I start it on Friday night, and don't usually finish it till Sunday dinner

How many glasses do you get out of a bottle? I get 3.

4-6 depending on which glass I use/how full I fill it - even with a large glass, you can control how much is in it

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