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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partners ex sending him snapchats...

32 replies

Annie3907 · 24/11/2018 18:04

Posting in AIBU for some traffic really...

Long story short, me and DP been together 8 years and 6 month into our relationship we had a “break” for about 6 month after I found out he had still been sleeping with his ex. This ex continued to message over number of years and finally stopped when we had our first child

I know it’s wrong, but I’m just a paranoid person so I looked at his phone. Over the past week she has been sending him snapchats every day. I opened one of them and it was a pic of chocolates saying “this is why I’m fat” with 2 love hearts. As far as I know he doesn’t send any, I only ever see it saying “received” and he hasn’t got her as a friend either however she can still send him snaps?

As much as I know I need to address the situation I have a hell of a lot going on at the moment with poorly family members and work stress and if I can put off confronting him then I will. Should I just keep an eye on it to see how long it continues? He also works away so I checked his phone last week when he got home. Any advice?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 24/11/2018 18:07

Putting it off will help nothing. Confront him immediately and ask what the fuck he's playing at.

SparkleBuns · 24/11/2018 18:09

Are they direct to him, or are they her Snapchat story? I haven't used it in a while but if someone posted something to their "story" so to speak then it goes out to everyone on their list so could be a generic thing.

If still keep an eye on it though if you're worried x

Original poster
Annie3907 · 24/11/2018 18:16

I know putting it off isn’t the best, but if I can avoid it for a couple of month I would.

They are direct to him unfortunately, she may be sending them to a couple of different people I’m not sure. I’ve only ever opened the 1 so don’t know what the other ones are Sad

OP posts:
Lovenel · 24/11/2018 18:19

Do they have children? If not then it's a little strange for them to still be in contact for all these years.

Original poster
Annie3907 · 24/11/2018 18:21

No, no children. They never lived together either as they were young. He was single for about 6 months when we met, and he had been with her about 3.5 years.

OP posts:
Alpacanorange · 24/11/2018 18:40

He wants to know about her imo. There is an invention called “ block “ in order to avoid people, if you want to, or course.

Alpacanorange · 24/11/2018 18:41

I’m sorry for your situation, don’t delay, just talk to him, tell him and see how he responds, that will tell you way more than strangers in the internet.

Original poster
Annie3907 · 24/11/2018 18:49

I remember before our first child was born I asked him to delete her on Facebook cause there was no need for them to be friends... he did, and then I noticed a conversation on his Facebook messages and beside her name it said “you added on such and such a date, i looked back my photos to jog my memories and it was a night he was out drinking, he must have added her then so he obviously thinks about her

I think I’m just scared to bring it up because of what the outcome will be.. with 2 young kids I don’t want to be blowing something up that isn’t necessary a big thing Sad

OP posts:
FleeceDetective · 24/11/2018 18:53

I know of several men who yo yo add women behind their partners backs. They’ll add women then delete them when they think their missus might get to their phone then re-add etc etc.

Original poster
Annie3907 · 24/11/2018 18:55

Hmm I never thought about that, surely he would delete the snaps as well though!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 24/11/2018 18:56

Sounds dodgy

HashtagTeamRaven · 24/11/2018 19:08

He doesnt sound like a good bloke, OP

Original poster
Annie3907 · 25/11/2018 08:24

I’ve just looked back, if u scroll back once u can see how many snaps were sent and by who and he actually started it yesterday by sending 1 and she replied with 5.. I didn’t know he had sent her one before I thought it was just her sending them

OP posts:
yellowsparkles · 25/11/2018 08:44

Is she in a relationship or is she single? You've been together an awful long time so I would like to think it's been on the innocent side but I think you do need to confront him or else it will eat away at you and you'll get more paranoid about everything. X

PurpleFlower1983 · 25/11/2018 08:45

My arsehole ex was a serial yo yo cheater, he could never quite let go, it was an ego thing for him. The best thing I ever did was walk away, there are lots of decent men out there and life is too short to spend it with a dickhead.

Original poster
Annie3907 · 25/11/2018 08:51

She’s single.. as far as I’m aware she has never had a long term relationship since her and my partner split.

We have 2 kids aswell which obviously makes things harder.

If he’s sending her 1 Snapchat and she replies with 4 pictures and 1 video surely they must speak a lot?! U wouldn’t send someone 5 snapchats that u don’t speak to much!

OP posts:
yellowsparkles · 25/11/2018 08:58

@Annie3907

It is an awful lot, like a previous poster said could it be the ego boost, he text knowing he would get a reply and she then went a bit snap chat mad. We can speculate but you need to talk to him.

What I will say is that I was in the same position with a 3 year old and 11 week old. I found messages to other women saying "wish my wife had a body like you" and "wish you were laying next to me at night" blah blah blah...this wasn't to an ex but to random women. He was also very chatty with exes too and didn't see an issue, I never found out (nor want to) if anything happened. Don't let the 2 kids stop you from doing what's best, you'll surprise yourself with how strong you can be. Talk to him it's the only way you'll know for sure and can take things from there x

Original poster
Annie3907 · 25/11/2018 09:52

@yellowsparkles

I suppose, it’s not as if he lacks any attention from home though, I have always given him plenty

Oh god that’s awful! Especially after just giving birth! I’m scared to bring this up because we have had problems in the past and I told him if there’s one more thing then we are done... and this is the one more thing Sad

OP posts:
formerbabe · 25/11/2018 10:02

As far as I know he doesn’t send any

Sorry op...but I think you sound very naive.

Either that or she's incredibly persistent and slightly obsessive to continue to contact a man who ignores her.

notapizzaeater · 25/11/2018 10:25

He's playing both of you. Are you financially independent ?

Original poster
Annie3907 · 25/11/2018 10:42

I wouldn’t say I’m naive as I knew something was going on... I think I’m just secretly hoping he doesn’t send any as it’s just another betrayal

I’m not financially independent, we have had a very hard few years financially with building a big house, having 2 DC. I have only just went back to work part time after having DC2

OP posts:
weeblueberry · 25/11/2018 10:44

Are you married?

Original poster
Annie3907 · 25/11/2018 10:45

Engaged. Our wedding has been booked for a while now, it’s 2020

OP posts:
CandlesBlanketsandTea · 25/11/2018 10:48

I would hold off doing anything until I had my ducks in a row, can you increase your hours at work and save some money?

PivotPivotPIVOTTT · 25/11/2018 10:54

Some people send photos to everyone in their contacts as well as adding it to their story (to get their score up I believe and no not teenagersHmm). I receive them from people I don't know well, I just open them and ignore them. He should delete her though no need to have her as a contact especially given the history.

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