Aibu- to be annoyed with imidiaye family member posting on facebook

[HANGRYRABBITT]

Sorry for the long post

Day ds was born we asked for no photos on social media untill we were ready.

Dp has posted a few to keep friends and family informed of ds groth and progress
I posted a couple but then deleted them as I thought I can't expect others to follow my wishes if in going against what I asked

Now with that said EVERY picture and video I have sent my dm she has sent them via msg to people including my dp (he works all week so I send him any pics I have taken and I send family pics and videos) put straight onto fb and insta even though repeatedly I have said that I don't want ds to be plaster all over the Internet, she Is the only person to do this every other member of our family on both sides have respected our wishes and enjoy the pictures ml prints them off and has made a photo album for him ( yes she shows people and I'm aware it is kind of the same thing but I dint ask not to show photos I asked not to post on social media)

Dp has stopped posting pictures since he has seen them I have deleted my social media accounts thinking what I don't see can't annoy me but it does

I love that she is proud and she loves ds more than anything and I don't want her to feel like I'm keeping him from her but I'm getting to the point where I don't want to send her pictures anymore I just want her to be able to enjoy her grandson and the time she shares with him without having to post every moment of it

Aibu to feel like this

Unless you are actually really famous I think you’re being a bit precious

People are happy for you and your DP, I think you should be pleased your son is already so doted on. Once he starts looking like an individual (I will be flamed but honestly think all babies look the same) I can see your point about not wanting his picture on social media

I wouldn’t personally be bothered by someone posting pics, but I would be annoyed if they did it knowing it bothered me and I’d repeatedly asked them not to.

You are not being unreasonable. You are his mum you have the right to make decisions about your child.

I don't post pictures of my baby on social media. Everyone respects my wishes. He can decide for himself if he wants to be on it when he is old enough. Showing people photos in an album is different from putting them on Facebook as it is a public arena. Even if you delete your Facebook account it is never really gone as they keep it all.

YANBU and you need to stop sending pictures and videos to your DM and when she asks why then you just tell her it's because she doesn't respect your wishes. Done.

I think you're being precious

YANBU, but posting them yourself may have weakened your argument. My friend and I both have this rule with our DC, but there are no photos online. I would cease to let her take photos and refuse to send her any. I think as the parent of a child in the photo you have the right to request its removal from the sites it is posted on, but check that one on the sites themselves.

you have no control over any photo once you’ve sent it. If you don’t want them anywhere on the internet then don’t send them to anyone. You husband excepted.

I really don't get this, people say it's a safeguarding issue and what if a sex offender sees a picture of my baby? Etc. I don't mean to be blunt but if you've worked with sex offenders they are not interested in pictures of little Johnny on the sofa/swings, the dark web and places on the normal web are full of things that would horrify even the most hardened of professionals and are very accessible.
The other argument 'it's the baby's choice when he's older if he wants to be on the internet' why? You don't leave everything else up to the baby/child to choose? What harm is ever going to come from a parent/grandparent posting some baby snaps, unless you're dressing him up as controversial historical figures, or making offensive memes with his face on them, but even then that's says something about you not the child.

YANBU but only because baby/child photos annoy the life out of me on facebook. I know the grandmother probably enjoys the photos but most people seeing her facebook posts probably don't give a s* . The vast majority of people don't care about other peoples kids

ACH don't send her videos or photos then. If you've asked her not to FB post and she does against your wishes, then she's shooting herself in foot. Tell her 'not sending you anymore as you don't respect our wishes regarding not posting on social media'.

You could set up a closed group to do FB photos (but she might still copy and repost without parameters you set up)

I don't have issue with posting FB photos when my DC were younger (except no half nakey shots!) but respect your right to for your own children. All my wider family know that both my middle DD (age 14) & another cousin, and equally I know same of my goddaughter age 20, do not like FB photos posted of them - so any photos that are taken, or FB posted are pre-sanctioned by them or sent via WhatsApp to them to share as they please. Tbh I check before I post anyway ("anyone object if this lovely photo gorder on my FB?") Not everybody likes social media.

*gorder = goes on

Just tell her not to post them?

I have extended family who do not post pics of their kids and have asked us all not to since birth. Cant see the issue. They still send them to us im whatsapp so we can see them grow and see them in costumes/plays etc

Everyone should be able to share pics of their children with trusted members of family without them ending up on the internet!

Sorry meant to say tell her AGAIN not to post them lol

YANBU. You've asked her not to, and she's ignoring you. You have the right to make the decisions. This would seriously annoy me too.

YANBU. I didn't post any photos of my children online until they were old enough to make the decision for themselves. Now they are all old enough to, one does, the other two don't want anything to do with social media.

If you don't want pictures posted and she is not respecting that and it bothers you so much then you have to stop sending her stuff..

It gets increasingly complex now I have 2 teenage DC (& younger one) and have to show any photo I take to all DC's friends in it and sometimes retake it ("Jo's unhappy as their expression wasn't cool!! ") before I'm allowed to post. Tbh it is often days aftrr whatsapp to DC then it goes via them to friends in pic for sanctioning then comes back with a no or a yes as 'everyone said ok to FB mum, and xyz have put it on IG '!!

I confess I like being popular amongst her mates as the only mum (so far) that asks first. And also I often have dorritos & zero cola ready for teenage visitors, so I'm onto a winner! (All part of my cunning plan to be visited in nursing home & brought Gin when I'm older 😆)

@mrsstrowman the issue can depend on other info you've put out there and how stringent the privacy settings of you and your friends are. Also if there's anyone in your friends list you aren't all that close to who may be a threat. If there's a picture of your eight year old in his school uniform, for instance, potential criminals know where to find him. They probably can also work out from your profile his name, maybe even his date of birth, who his friends are etc. They may know your name, his dad's name, aunts and uncles etc. So they know enough to convince your dc, either in person or online, that they know you. Makes grooming a whole lot easier, can make abduction easier too. I don't know why anyone would risk it, given that anyone who actually cares about your dc, you can message privately, but that's just me. Lots of adults overshare about their own lives too, and that's their call to make, but their kids deserve the chance of privacy imo.

But each to their own, of course, and there are worse things for parents to do.

Why do you care? it's an 'image'. You want to control who sees it as though it were a precious resource or something.

I think your identity could be too wrapped up in being his mother and you could try and think about why it's important for you to control who sees his photo and why.

Unless you're famous as a pp said.

Good luck

There was an almost identical post to this recently. Was that you OP? Most responses were that the OP was being precious and controlling. She never explained the reason behind why she didn't want her mum posting them. Although she and her partner had already posted photos.
Assuming this is new, what are your reasons OP? Presumably your mum's friends on FB are mainly friends and family? A fairly close group. Or has she got thousands of followers on social media and your child will be in the spotlight?

Some people just don't want people plastering pictures of their kids all over the internet. The MIL knows this but does it anyway.

As PP said, stop sending her photos and when she asks why, tell her it's because she keeps posting them online despite you repeatedly asking her not to.

She'll soon get the message.

@MemoryOfSleep I work with 'criminals' this is not how they get your information stop believing FB pass this on messages. It's far too time intensive you're not that interesting to them, personal data is sold in huge batches for fraudulent purposes by people who've hacked it directly from companies.
Do you know how minimal the risks are of stranger abduction? Your friend and family already know your DC and have plenty of info to groom them if they do choose. It's hysteria

Also you say they can be groomed online, so you won't post pictures of your child but they can have their own online access below the age stated by the company (FB, WhatsApp etc are all over 16 now) and you wouldn't restrict or monitor that in any way? Think about the logic (or lack of it) of your arguments

My brother is hugely private and requested that family didn't share pictures of his kids on the internet, so we haven't, it's not hard to do, OP stop sending pictures to your mum, that way she can't share what she hasn't got.

MrsStrowman

A picture of DD was copied from a FB page and turned into something nasty - she's fully clothed nice smile etc with a group of friends

Some Knob violated that picture and it's out there ans there's nothing I can do to get it back.

He was warned by the police, family involved etc - she want the first.

He has since had to leave the area.

You may not think this will happen to your children but it does. And there isn't a lot you can do to stop it - apart from stop sending pictures