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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to let my daughter dance today when my husband doesn't think she should

37 replies

lifestooshortandsoami · 24/11/2018 08:31

12 year old dd hurt her back last week in pe- bruised at the top between shoulder blades and had pain all across. Was checked by doctors and referred to a and e to be on the safe side. A and e doctor saw her for few mins and said was fine and to rest for 10 days... no dance or pe etc.
For the 6/7 days following this she was still in pain and had to take painkillers. The last 3 days she's had no painkillers and said no pain. Today would be day 10 from seeing he a and e doctor.
The issue I have is she is part of a dance club who are performing at the local Christmas lights switch on today. She is desperate to do it and it's less than 5 minutes on stage. However I'm worried she could hurt herself and my dh is adament she shouldn't do it in case she hurts herself and should give herself another week off.

So..., do I let my heart win and let her do it because she's going to be heartbroken if not and she will probably be ok. Or do I do the sensible thing and say she can't and give her a few more days rest?

I was brought up with the 'it'll be reyt' mentality so situations like this appear harder than they should to decide what to do!!

OP posts:
PeonyTruffle · 24/11/2018 08:35

I would let her do it I think, it's now day 10, she hasn't needed any painkillers and like you said, it's only 5 minutes

LoudestRoar · 24/11/2018 08:35

I'd let her do it, if she wants to. She can spend rest of day and tomorrow resting if needs be. It's not like it's day 1, but the end of the drs advice period.

GrandmaSharksDentures · 24/11/2018 08:35

For soft tissue injuries (which this sounds like), the usual advice about returning to activities is to be guided by pain ie if it hurts don't do it.
That she hasn't needed painkillers is a good sign.
How likely is she to injure herself again? If it's "just" dance (rather than gymnastics with tumbles & somersaults) she may be ok.

TheProvincialLady · 24/11/2018 08:37

I am sure she will be fine to go but heartbroken is a very strong word for a 5 minute dance show! Disappointed and a bit upset yes, but it’s not the end of the world. There will be other dance shows. On balance I think I would stand with your husband, who is after all only following medical advice. There’s a small risk that a sudden return to energetic dancing following an injury and rest will hurt your daughter and she needs to know that dancing on an injury against medical advice is a bad idea.

HighwayDragon1 · 24/11/2018 08:37

10 days rest plus pain free for 3 days? I'd let her do it.

At 12 I'd ask her what she thought and make her think that she was having to make a sensible and grown up decision, kids that age love being made to think they're adults eventhough if it is a lie

Original poster
lifestooshortandsoami · 24/11/2018 08:40

Thank you for the replies already!!

The stage is small and from what she's shown me there's nothing on the floor or jumping about as there's not enough room (plus I think they have to be careful for health and safety with it being outside etc). There are some twisting actions but nothing more than what she will prob be doing when she's dancing around in her bedroom (which she had stopped doing when in pain but is now doing all the time unless dh sees her and tells her to rest haha).

Dh is a worrier so will always work on worse case scenario and is worried she'll be off school etc if she hurts herself.

Should have said we also have a karate presentation evening to go to tonight so will be sat around this evening (altho again if she's feeling ok she'll want to dance!!)

OP posts:
Original poster
lifestooshortandsoami · 24/11/2018 08:45

TheProvincialLady- Heartbroken is a strong word but she's 12 and there's a lot of hormones going on!! On a serious note yeah it's prob too strong a word but all she wants to do is dance, wants to go and study it at college, has been given a position at the front of the stage this year etc..... so yeah in my head it's just a dance show in hers it's a major thing. However you're right she could hurt herself which is why I just don't know what to do (and am annoying myself as I'm not usually this indecisive!!)

OP posts:
Pinkyponker · 24/11/2018 08:45

I'd let her do it. Doctor said rest for ten days, it's day ten now and she's been pain free for 3 days. I'm sure it'll be fine.

CherryPavlova · 24/11/2018 08:48

Yes definitely. Then again I wouldn’t have necessarily listened to an ED junior doctor without understanding rationale for rest.
My daughter dances and would have gone on stage with a leg hanging off - but luckily never needed to. She’s certainly danced on feet pouring blood from blisters and minor sprains.
Let her do it.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 24/11/2018 08:50

I’d let her. He’s being overly cautious.

toastymarshmallowss · 24/11/2018 08:52

I imagine to the doctor over estimated the time anyway, I'd let her dance.

Original poster
lifestooshortandsoami · 24/11/2018 08:52

The a and e doctor wasn't a junior doctor... seemed to know what she was on about but also dismissive (as in she felt we shouldn't have been referred to a and e from the go and nothing to worry about). With hindsight i agree I should have questioned the rationale but at the time just trusted what she said

OP posts:
Original poster
lifestooshortandsoami · 24/11/2018 08:53

toastymarshmallowss- Yeah I would have thought the doctor prob added extra days to be on the safe side?

OP posts:
Upsy1981 · 24/11/2018 08:53

Advised to rest for 10 days. Its now 10 days. I can't see an issue. The doctor probably picked 10 days as an average figure. Its not like something magic is going to happen at midnight on the 10th day! If she feels ok to do it, she'll be ok. It might be a bit sore again afterwards because she hasn't used it much for a couple of weeks but that's to be expected and doesn't mean she shouldn't do it.

MumW · 24/11/2018 08:54

My DC dance and I think that I'd let her do it on the strict condition that she does plenty of stretching to warm up first.
If you go through a warm up routine with her earlier in the day, then you'll also get an indication as to whether she's ok.

MumW · 24/11/2018 08:56

You could also get her to walk through the routine at home this morning.

Good Luck to DD for her show.

Original poster
lifestooshortandsoami · 24/11/2018 08:56

Oh and my dh has interpreted what the doctor said as 10 days rest... but he thinks they gave this time thinking the pain would stop sooner.., because it stopped around 7 days he wants to give her another 7 days off from today and so miss pe/ dance etc for another week from today. So 17 days in total..... which I don't agree with Grin

OP posts:
OffToBedhampton · 24/11/2018 09:01

Let her do it.
It's been 10 days rest as ED recommended. She's been pain free 3 days and practising her moves showing she's ready. Backs can go randomly & recover differently, so there isn't a foolproof right answer, but over protecting back on minor injury can harm too as how long do you protect it for when no pain? DD can walk off stage if her back starts to hurt

Quartz2208 · 24/11/2018 09:03

In this instance I think you need to let your daughter trust her own body. I would ask her if it really does feel better and no pain (and explain if it doesnt and she dances it could be serious) then she can dance

montenuit · 24/11/2018 09:05

It's 5 minutes
She's not in pain anymore, not needing pain killers.
Let her do it.

GabriellaMontez · 24/11/2018 09:07

Let her do it.

There's no reason not to other than irrational fear.

idonthaveaclue123 · 24/11/2018 09:08

I’m a dance and drama teacher and would be quite annoyed if a parent sent a child in to a class before the recommended time frame even if it was the last day, as if your child hurt them self again my insurance would not cover me. If you do send her you need to inform the teacher of the injury and what the doctor said.

Sisterlove · 24/11/2018 09:10

You know if she does it and ends up on pain, you'll be blamed by your DH.

brizzledrizzle · 24/11/2018 09:12

I'd let her do it

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/11/2018 09:14

idonthaveaclue
Tbh that wouldn’t have occurred to me as it sounds like a recommendation.

When you discussed the 10 days with the doctor, was that in relation to the dance show? We are talking about soft tissue damage. Anything else would be far longer so I imagine it was mentioned as it’s a relatively arbitrary number.

In any case your dh is being ridiculous to suggest no pe for another week. Your dd should be governed by her pain. It’s soft tissue damage.