Reporting a kind of friend to social services

[alleyesonme]

I’ve never reported anyone before this woman lives by me our sons go to the same school. She befriend me a few years ago I’ve always questioned her parenting skills she comes to the school late everyday to collect the kids and is late every morning.
I sometimes take them to school their always late and look unkempt and I have to get them breakfast at the club in the mornings.
She takes cocaine regularly I think most days as some days she’s flying and talks a lot and some days she won’t talk and pretends she hasn’t seen me like she’s on a comedown.
I know she hits the older one a lot it’s neglect more than abuse she just doesn’t care about them it comes across I don’t think she deserves them I’ve never seen her at a parent evening or play etc I don’t wanna report her and feel bad after but the whole thing has made me uneasy

Is there a Father on the scene?

You dont know whats going on but you are concerned, so report her. If there is nothing to worry about then her case will be closed. All good.

If there is a problem then she will be offered support and the children will be protected. All good.

There is no downside to you voicing your concerns and the professionals assessing the situation (with access to more information than you have).

Please report.

Well the thing is if you report her and you happened to have overreacted (which I really think is a total understatement given the awful things you have mentioned) then the worst that will happen is that Social Services paid a visit and went away happy. But I shudder to think what the worst thing to happen could be if you DONT report her. You have a duty to, now that you know what you do.

I knew she used cocaine on a weekend but she’s using it in the day my sons in seniors so sometimes they walk back together and be goes to play computer there he hasn’t been for a while now. Thank you for all your advice

Absolutely can't believe these responses. What are you idiots banging on about, saying the OP is judgmental when she has a legitimate concern?? Is there a Father on the scene - why on earth is that important information?!

Regardless, OP, please report. It's so much better for the children to be removed from the situation if that unfortunately really is the case, than for you to sit about watching your thread go up in flames.

Oh yes and should mention the cocaine is immediate reason enough, absolutely go report alleyesonme

Please report - or talk to the school. As carpet said, some of these issues are definitely of real concern. It's not meddling - it's trying to help the children get the support they sound like they need!

My child would be allowed nowhere near if ibhad all these concerns about someone. If you feel her children shouldn't be in that environment why would you allow your own child to be?

other than the fact she is sociable day and not the next what are your reasons for cocaine use? social anxiety can cause this.

Report, or phone nspcc. Coke is a horrible drug after the glamour wears off, and may be associated wit other unpleasantness

She’s a single mother I am aswell I’m not judging her or meddling I know her I’m not judgemental of anyone’s life but I do worry about the kids I don’t think they are looked after properly some people on here are telling me to turn a blind eye and not to interfere which has made me question it now.
Thanks again for the good advice I’ve received on here I need to think more

I’m not having. Everyone question my son goes to his friends house to play I’ve asked advice and in turn I’m being shot down and it’s been turned into me nice.
She’s defo on drugs in the day time I can tell this is a recent thing I’ve noticed.

OP I was a safeguarding trainer. My advice always was: if you suspect in your heart of hearts, then report. It’s better to be wrong, than be right, and a child or vulnerable adult continues to be abused, but you chose to withhold that information that could have helped stop it. I’d rather see 100 wrong refurals than the 1 correct one that slipped through.
Pass the information on and let the professionals determine what is happening.

Always report if concerned. Better to overreact than not react when you should.

You can tell she's taking cocaine ? How do you know it's not speed, mdma, ritalin even? What you know is that her behaviour is changeable and you think it might be substance induced. You do know she hits her son as your son has witnessed it and is old enough to know what he's seen, you also know the children are unkempt, allowed to wander the streets and are frequently late for school. That's enough to warrant checks. You should report it and maybe invite the older boy to your house to play computer games rather than the other way around. That way you can keep an eye to make sure he's ok, and you know your DS is safe

Yes you need to report it, cocaine changes your personality. I done lots pre DC and have seen good people do terrible things. Has she family support for the DC to stay with when SS get involved. Even if they help her to get back on things, the DC can't be left to get on with it as things are.
Can you speak to the school to start with.

Do NOT listen to anyone who tells you to turn a blind eye to possible to child abuse amd/or neglect. ALWAYS report it, because if you are wrong then no harm will come of it. If you aren't wrong the children will get the help they need and deserve. If you don't report it and any harm comes to those children it's on everyone who turned a blind eye. Children are innocent and vulnerable and everyone should be looking out for them.

You can call the NSPCC advice line it you are worried about a child and talk it over with one of their trained counsellors. The helpline is open 24 hours a day
[email protected]
0808 800 5000
www.nspcc.org.uk/services-and-resources/nspcc-helpline/

also wondering why pp asked if the fathers around? guess what? single mums manage to not abuse or neglect their kids. whats the relevance of that question?

Fair enough, let your child go round to someone's house who you know is on drugs and hits their child. Ridiculous. Why not invite your sons friend to yours. Report if you genuinely have concerns.

I always think those who say turn a blind eye must be hiding something.
The OP said the neighbour would rip her head off if she suspected her, risking her own safety as she wants to help the DC.
She will probably accuse you anyway and you're willing to take the risk.
OP is in a shit position here, contact the school by email, set up a new random email address concernedparent or whatever, they will question the DC and deal with it. It is your safest option. Good luck

Definitely report. And stop allowing your son to be near a house where you think there are drugs.

Yes report it.

In safeguarding training at school we were told report a situation if you can't get it out of your head and would be uneasy driving away from school without speaking to the safeguarding person there.
I think you know you should report this OP as it's worrying you and you are thinking about it when you are not around the situation.
You could really help the dc and maybe their mum might get the shock needed to be a better parent?