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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner Over Spending

66 replies

FlurSM1988 · 23/11/2018 18:14

Hi all, first time poster so hope it comes across OK. My partner & I earn a reasonable income and I wouldn’t consider us on the breadline but I like the watch the pennies. I’m careful with the bills and household expenses but he likes to splash out. I need to know if I ABU with this one, DSS needed a new coat for school so he took him today after school, he has come back with a £280 coat which I think it was over what is reasonable for a school coat, he’s also come back with £200 boots for myself that I would never spend and I have said I’d rather him return as I wouldn’t enjoy them knowing what else the money could be spent on. For context I went to buy DSD coat for school and we chose a lovely one from M&S for £40. I know his intentions are good but when he’s stretching us unessesarily it’s really getting me down. I feel like I’m always saving/hunting down bargains for him to blow the budget wide open again. If I challenge he just gets really defensive. Opinions please.

OP posts:
howonearthdoyoucopewith3 · 23/11/2018 19:44

You say DSS. So your step son, does he live with you? If DH sees him at the weekends only then maybe DH is keen to over compensate?

How come DH has gone to bed at 7.30 sulking? Bit early!

shakethatass · 23/11/2018 19:50

£280 for a fucking coat??!! Does it come with an inbuilt massage system and does it serve you hot drinks when the temperature drops??

Purpletigers · 23/11/2018 19:50

Who’s he trying to impress ? (Your husband not the child ) Most people will probably think it’s a knock off anyway . Tell him that and maybe he’ll have the wit to return it .
What a plonker!
Is he a BMW driver too?

Purpletigers · 23/11/2018 19:52

If you don’t have thousands in your bank account for an emergency then you can’t afford a 300 quid coat .

Gwenhwyfar · 23/11/2018 19:52

"If you’re not struggling financially what’s the problem?"

It's just wasteful isn't it? Even if I were well off, I hope I wouldn't waste my money like that.

Neapolitanicecream · 23/11/2018 19:52

UABVU Pumpkin why would ur turban spend that much ?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 23/11/2018 19:56

I wouldn’t want to spend that much on a coat for me that would last much longer. Unless you come back to say your household income is over £250k I think that’s silly.

blackteasplease · 23/11/2018 20:01

That is an awful lot! I feel like I'm being extravagant buying m and s coats!

Mummyshark2018 · 23/11/2018 20:04

My DH and I earn well and I would never spend that much on a coat for my dc. I would expect to get a winter wardrobe out of that!. I also would never spend that on a coat for me and I like to spend on clothes!

Petalflowers · 23/11/2018 20:05

I wondered whether he was being the Disney dad buying it as well.

£280! That’s an expensive coat.

SnappedandFartedagain · 23/11/2018 20:06

@Neapolitanicecream 😂

LEDadjacent · 23/11/2018 20:11

Does he have more spare money in his account if all the bills come out of yours? Sounds like you need to rejig things somehow.

howonearthdoyoucopewith3 · 23/11/2018 20:21

That's expensive by any standards. I pay for Geox school shoes and know I could get cheaper, but a school coat would usually cost less than a pair of shoes! I can't think many people would pay over £280 for school shoes!

Original poster
FlurSM1988 · 23/11/2018 20:26

No they live with us full time, so not the case here. I don’t know he’s just having a full on strop now.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 23/11/2018 20:28

I have never even spent £280 on a coat for me. Nothing like it. Ridiculous.

A child may soon outgrow it, drop it in the playground, lose it at school, leave it at school. He's nuts, and I wouldn't have been impressed. I would have said something too.

ReanimatedSGB · 23/11/2018 20:37

So you pay all the bills and he gets to spend all his money on treats?

GreenShadow · 23/11/2018 21:09

I'm afraid that it's very hard to have a successful long-term relationship when your attitudes to finances are so different. I would certainly find it incredibly stressful. My dearest friend is currently going through divorce and money is at the root of it.

Original poster
FlurSM1988 · 23/11/2018 21:24

He will pay for meals out etc and will always give me some cash if I need it but it’s not very even I’ll
admit.

OP posts:
Original poster
FlurSM1988 · 23/11/2018 21:26

Thanks for your input everyone, feel a little less like I’m going mad about this issue and it’s not me.

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 23/11/2018 21:46

If his dc are living with ye why are you paying all the bills. The whole money set up seems strange. Sounds like a good time to start a new plan. One where you are not skint.

PersonaNonGarter · 23/11/2018 21:48

I really don’t think you are going mad. I would be going crazy but it is so hard to speak to people about money when they have a completely different outlook.

I’m not a big saver or a big borrower and I find either approach quite strange to get my head round. So a conversation with those people about money is really hard for me - just coming from a different place.

What is his family like - are they all spenders?

woodhill · 23/11/2018 21:51

Crumbs £280 for a dc's coat, never spend that on a coat for me

GabriellaMontez · 23/11/2018 21:52

Why do you pay all the bills?!

Original poster
FlurSM1988 · 23/11/2018 22:07

I don’t pay them all but I do the majority, it was just when I was setting them up they went in my name.

OP posts:
PersonaNonGarter · 23/11/2018 22:30

You set them up because you are being an adult about this.