Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to think- harry redknapp-true love or co-dependency/needy?

64 replies

cloobydooby · 23/11/2018 17:12

just catching up on I'm a celebrity and seeing everyone so touched about Harry Redknapp loving and needing his wife so much. people often applaud when 2 people cant cope without each other later in life and still seem so in love 50 years on-but when you're younger this level of need gets labelled as needy, co-dependency, etc -not sure what to think (as I've been labelled needy in the past for a lot less than this)

OP posts:

anothernameagain000 · 23/11/2018 17:14

Labelled by who OP? And in what context?

NewbornBaby · 23/11/2018 17:16

It's a generational thing I think.

My dh and I are early 30's and we are the same, only 10 years together so far though.

Original poster

cloobydooby · 23/11/2018 17:16

occasionally by exes in the past , one was extreme-used to go away on business regularly and couldn't understand why I found it hard to not have some contact(text,phone) most days

OP posts:

puzzledlady · 23/11/2018 17:21

No - I think he just really really loves his wife and it’s so nice to see.

WhiteDust · 23/11/2018 17:21

Not being able to cope without partner/husband there 24/7 is a bit weird. 'Wanting' to spend a lot of time and enjoying their company (more than anyone else's) is not.

Ragwort · 23/11/2018 17:22

Personally I thought he came across as a bit needy, I have been married a long time but don’t think my DH and I are at all co-dependent & we would manage very happily without each other . I also think it is bit wet when couples need to be in touch with each other all the time, but then when my DH & I first met he worked overseas a lot, phone calls were very expensive & we used to send letters by air mail (does that even still exist?). Even now with email & text we don’t need to be in touch every day.

Anonymumtum · 23/11/2018 17:22

I thought it was a bit creepy. Talking on the phone 10 times a day????

Rachelover40 · 23/11/2018 17:23

I don't label,it works for him. He is 'old school'. Charming man.
My husband would be like that about me but I've always felt hemmed in by that sort of thing and showed it. Almost wish I hadn't now.

DanglyBangly · 23/11/2018 17:23

I think the two people in the relationship need to be the same. If you are both happy with constant contact, doing everything together or whatever, then it’s perfectly healthy. Equally, if you’re both happy to go three days without speaking. There’s no right or wrong, it’s a matter of compatibility.

MissEliza · 23/11/2018 17:24

I think it's sweet and they're so lucky to have a relationship like that:

InsomniacAnonymous · 23/11/2018 17:25

If he was that dependent on her he wouldn't be in the 'jungle' without her would he? I think it's the fear of bereavement, now that they are both elderly, that has started to play on his mind.

Original poster

cloobydooby · 23/11/2018 17:26

I think they are lucky but maybe in reality I would feel stifled, having seen 2 couples like this over the years where unfortunately both wives died, one moved on very quickly to the same type of relationship, the other didnt

OP posts:

fussychica · 23/11/2018 17:28

Well I once said on MN that I didn't think I'd like to go on holiday without my DH as it would feel strange without him and I was labelled needy AND pathetic so poor Harry probably doesn't stand a chance.

anothernameagain000 · 23/11/2018 17:30

@fussy - lol I remember commenting that my dh is my favourite person to spend time with and was labelled needy.

Timeforabiscuit · 23/11/2018 17:31

In the context of a healthy, mutually consenting relationship - then it's a joy that two people have eachother.

In a narcissistic, controlling or domineering relationship - then hell no!

PattiStanger · 23/11/2018 17:32

Elderly?? He's 71 for heaven's sake, that's barely past retirement age nowadays.

I wonder if Mrs Redknapp feels the same or is enjoying the break from having to cater for his every need?

MandyBanana · 23/11/2018 17:36

C'mon Patti, 71 is hardly a spring chicken, just because age of retirement has changed.

Squirrelblanket · 23/11/2018 17:46

To each their own, although it wouldn't feel comfortable to me.

I have an aunt and uncle who are very much like this. It's very obvious from the things my aunt says that they think it makes their relationship so much more special than anyone else's.

Governoress86 · 23/11/2018 19:35

I think it's really sweet the way he talks about his wife.

I think it's nice to see a man speak so highly and loving of his wife rather than a bloke slagging their missus off to people.

Me and my partner have been together Nealy 10 years and even though we would and can cope on our own, I wouldnt want to be without my partner and I would also feel strange going on holiday without my partner.

I think if it works for the relationship then it's fine.

Patroclus · 23/11/2018 19:37

Nico Krancjar is Harry's true love and soul mate.

InsomniacAnonymous · 23/11/2018 19:40

PattiStanger "Elderly?? He's 71 for heaven's sake, that's barely past retirement age nowadays."

Well, I'm 64, so haven't even reached retirement age yet, but I consider myself elderly. I'm too old to be able to call myself middle-aged, but not quite 'old', so that means elderly as far as I'm concerned.

BlueThesaurusRex · 23/11/2018 19:42

I agree with insomniac- if the relationship was that unhealthy he wouldn’t have been able to go in the jungle without her. I think it’s sweet.

LagunaBubbles · 23/11/2018 19:43

also think it is bit wet when couples need to be in touch with each other all

I find that a really sad way to look at relationships. I don't see the point of being in a relationship with someone if you don't enjoy their company and want them in your life. It doesn't mean you don't have friends and interests outside the relationship either.

AuntieStella · 23/11/2018 19:51

Codependency isn't a synonym for (healthy) interdependence

And I wouid be advising those who appeared to be in an unhealthy relationship that fuelled their codependency, to seek counselling.

Those who are healthily interdependent, even when closely so, don't need interventions

Sallystyle · 23/11/2018 20:00

I like to be in touch with my husband when I am not with him but I am not needy.

When I do a sleep in at work I always call him to say goodnight. If for some reason I couldn't speak to him that would be fine, but I like hearing from him. I have my own interests and friends so I don't think I am co-dependant. I just love him and like speaking to him.

Mind you, I call my mum most days because I enjoy talking to her. It's just how I am.

I don't know Harry Redknapp but if it is true that he calls her 10 times a day that is excessive and would drive me batty, but if it works for them, good for them. It is only unhealthy if one of them isn't happy with the set up I guess.

My husband's grandparents were always joined at the hip. They are both pretty co-dependant. Sadly, DH's nan had to go to a home and they are both so completely lost without one another and is affecting their MH badly. I know that can happen to any couple who have to be separated due to old age and illness, but they never had different friendship groups or interests. Everything they did they did together and it is making things much harder than it would have been. They just don't function well without each other and never have.

Flip

1 2 3