Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think- harry redknapp-true love or co-dependency/needy?

64 replies

cloobydooby · 23/11/2018 17:12

just catching up on I'm a celebrity and seeing everyone so touched about Harry Redknapp loving and needing his wife so much. people often applaud when 2 people cant cope without each other later in life and still seem so in love 50 years on-but when you're younger this level of need gets labelled as needy, co-dependency, etc -not sure what to think (as I've been labelled needy in the past for a lot less than this)

OP posts:
DishranawaywiththeSpoon · 23/11/2018 20:00

I don't think it's needy or co-dependent but they have spent the majority of their life together and he clearly loves her very much. I think it's natural if you've been living with someone for 50 years to feel some form of dependency, definitely a fear of how you'll cope without them. There's nothing wrong with that.

You'd be labelled needy and pathetic I'd they'd been together a year but after 50 odd years I think it's just natural.

It works for them, they are both happy presumably. And will have been happy for 50 years, how can we complain about people being happily in love for over 50 years?

Cuzcothellama · 23/11/2018 20:04

@Patroclus hahahahahaha Grin

DishranawaywiththeSpoon · 23/11/2018 20:04

With my DP I love to talk to him, he is my absolute favourite person in the world obviously otherwise I wouldn't be with him. I like to talk to him everyday, I have plenty of friends and interests outside of him and I am most definitely not co-dependent. I would be fine without him but I am obviously happier with him.

I doubt anyone could be with someone for over 50 years and not have some level of dependence on each other.

DishranawaywiththeSpoon · 23/11/2018 20:06

U2 it's sad they don't function well without each other, and it's sad they aren't coping but they presumably have functioned very well for most of their lives and I think I would rather that.

CassandraCross · 23/11/2018 20:16

When dh and I are apart from one another if possible we phone each other once a day, sometimes more if either of us wants advice, another opinion, a bit of a rant or general chat. If we are somewhere where it isn't easy to make phone contact we cope fine but I like talking to my husband and he likes talking to me, we talk about anything and everything.

greendale17 · 23/11/2018 20:19

Not being able to cope without partner/husband there 24/7 is a bit weird.

^I agree. And yes I consider 71 to be elderly

LizzieSiddal · 23/11/2018 20:24

Dh and I are like this. We run our own business together too, so spend a lot of time together.
DH does spends half the week in London and we both hate it. We only speak twice a day when he's away, but he does sending me soppy emails throughout the day.
We both have plenty of friends and different hobbies, but we love just being with each other.

Thinking about it, dc left home fro uni around 5 years ago and it's since then that we've been like this. It's like that Honeymoon phase when we first met.

LizzieSiddal · 23/11/2018 20:27

I consider 71 to be elderly

Well surely that depends on the person. My mum is 73, she still works 4 days a week out of choice, she is on the committee for 2 charities, goes swimming 3X a week and goes out with friends, in the evening a lot. I wouldn't call that the life of an 'elderly' person.

Grilledaubergines · 23/11/2018 20:27

I think it’s lovely. They’ve grown up together. It obviously works for them so that’s good enough for me. I think he comes across as a real gentleman.

Thankyounext · 23/11/2018 20:29

I’d like to think he is genuine but when he said he wouldn’t know what he would do without her, he meant literally as she does absolutely everything for him, he doesn’t even make a cup of tea. So it is a very traditional relationship like my parents (70s/80s) where my mum did everything in the home and my father worked.

It did make me momentarily wonder if that would be an easier set up than the one I have.

Lottapianos · 23/11/2018 20:34

'Well surely that depends on the person'

I agree. FIL is 81 which is definitely elderly but he's very active and his mind is sharp. MIL is 9 years younger but has seemed ancient for years because she's so set in her ways and pretty uninterested in the world

Talking on the phone 10 times a day??? I feel claustrophobic just thinking about it! Grin

overitalready · 23/11/2018 20:38

I think its bloody lovely

AnnaMagnani · 23/11/2018 20:42

He's been married to her for 40+ years so I would expect there would be a point where he can't imagine her not being around.

I think it's lovely that she isn't just someone who does tasks for him but someone he feels really emotionally connected to.

I meet loads of elderly couples like this at work. And sadly some of the variety where one half won't know what to do, purely because their slave is ill.

FunkyKingston · 23/11/2018 20:42

Given 'arry' s tendency to wheel and deal in the transfer market, I'm quite surprised he's a one woman man and the lovely Sandra hasn't been traded for a tricky Bulgarian a few transfer windows back.

SillyPsychicAcid · 23/11/2018 20:46

My PILs are the same, similar age, Been married nearly 50 years. Barely spent a night apart in all that time (and only then for a hospital stay).

Sadly, PIL has terminal cancer. Luckily MIL has lots of family close by, otherwise it’d be a real worry how she’ll cope emotionally. Practically she will be fine, she’s very resourceful, but she will miss him so much.

Original poster
cloobydooby · 23/11/2018 20:54

I am wondering if its an old fashioned thing- for a woman to do everything for the man, so he would be less likely to leave?

OP posts:
CrookedMe · 23/11/2018 20:54

For decades he's had a job that takes priority in their family life. It dictated where they lived, when they could go on holiday, even if they could have Christmas Day together.

I bet his wife has spent her life facilitating every other element of their lives, in total support of his.

I'm not saying it's wrong, it works for some couples, but I'd imagine he is very dependent on her for a lot of things outside his career.

PowerPantsRule · 23/11/2018 20:58

DH and I are like this. We work together and are with each other for most of the day, every day. He is my best friend, my everything but I can cope perfectly well without him, I am not wholly dependent on him. I just prefer to be with him than anyone else. It works really well for us. Friends ask how we make it work....I think we are just incredibly well suited and the level of love/attraction is the same on both sides.

Hayles88 · 23/11/2018 21:01

It is proper and true love, I say this as someone who grew up with the Redknapps as close family friends.

hilbil21 · 23/11/2018 21:02

My father in law is like this. Says my mother in law is his best friend and he would rather spend time with her than anyone else. He actually said to me today "Harry on I'm A Celeb is like me" we agreed it might just be a generational thing, as I don't know ANYONE from my generation that's like this. He's really needy though, once my mother in law forgot her phone somewhere for 15 minutes and had 45 missed calls from him when she got it back!

LizzieSiddal · 23/11/2018 21:19

It may be an age thing but I don’t think it’s an over seventies thing. Dh and I are early 50s but as I said, dc have left home so we’re on our own again. It’s obviously different when the dc are about, just because there’s someone elde physically there, and there’s always someone else to think about.

Sallystyle · 23/11/2018 21:23

U2 it's sad they don't function well without each other, and it's sad they aren't coping but they presumably have functioned very well for most of their lives and I think I would rather that.

Yes, that is very true. They have had so many years of happiness with each other. Not everyone gets that.

derxa · 23/11/2018 21:25

Given 'arry' s tendency to wheel and deal in the transfer market, I'm quite surprised he's a one woman man and the lovely Sandra hasn't been traded for a tricky Bulgarian a few transfer windows back
That's grim but it made me laugh. We always say ' Harry likes a bung' in our house. I do love him though. he's football through and through.

Flowerpot2005 · 23/11/2018 21:28

I'm not even sure why you're posting tbh.

They've been together for 50+ years. Very clearly, the two work together. What business is it for anyone else to question...

derxa · 23/11/2018 21:34

They've been together for 50+ years. Very clearly, the two work together. What business is it for anyone else to question...
I agree.

Swipe left for the next trending thread