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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Asking for leave 3 days into new job

52 replies

TiredAndaBitBored · 23/11/2018 15:26

An old friend passed away a couple of weeks ago in a truly tragic road accident.

I haven't seen this person for quite a few years now but we went through school together and were pretty good friends for quite some time.

Although I'm not close to this person anymore I feel rather shocked by it all and very saddened by the news. I would like to go to his funeral if possible.

I am due to start a new job on Tuesday. The funeral is on Thursday. Do you think I can ask my new employer for leave so soon? (To take as part of my annual leave of course). If it were a close friend or family member I wouldn't think twice but considering I've not seen this person for quite some time I'm not sure whether this will look badly to a new boss.

I feel awful considering work when my old friend has lost his life, a son has lost his Dad, but I'm just not sure whether it would be best to pay my respects privately afterwards.

OP posts:

peachypetite · 23/11/2018 15:35

Yes but I would email them now, not wait until you start.

Alfie190 · 23/11/2018 15:40

If you want to go then I think you should ask, I would maybe try to ask before you arrive on Tuesday.

MeredithGrey1 · 23/11/2018 15:45

I’d definitely speak to them before Tuesday if possible. And also, really there is no need for them to know you’ve not seen this person in a while (I wouldn’t lie about it but they’re not likely to quiz you on how close you are, just say a close friend from school).

loveandstuffing · 23/11/2018 15:47

You don’t need to tell them whose funeral it is. You don’t even need to tell them why you want the day off so long as it’s your own AL. Just say you have a prior engagement which can’t be changed, if they push it.

Frenchfancy · 23/11/2018 15:52

I wouldn't. Send your best regards to the family but you can't take time off work so soon. You can't take it as annual leave as you haven't accrued any yet.

I had a temping contract once and took the afternoon off to attend my boyfriend 's father's funeral. They rang me whilst I was pouring tea to the bereaved family to tell me not to bother coming in the next day.

CoughLaughFart · 23/11/2018 16:01

I would contact them now and ask for the leave. Just say a good friend’s funeral - they won’t need any more details as you’re not asking for it as compassionate leave. I had to have time off for a funeral (admittedly a family one) a week into a job and there was nothing but sympathy.

Frenchfancy’s temping example is extreme and, bluntly, temps are exactly that. Recruiting full-time staff is expensive and time-consuming - no sensible hiring manager would change their mind over this.

ADastardlyThing · 23/11/2018 16:06

Email them today and be honest. I've never known a company make employees actually accrue leave before they can take it.

All they can say is no.

ADastardlyThing · 23/11/2018 16:07

All they can say? That makes no sense, the worst they can say is no.

MartyMcFly1984 · 23/11/2018 16:09

I had to email my new manager to request to attend a funeral a couple of days after my start date. She was lovely and gave me the afternoon off. Definately get in touch now though

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 23/11/2018 16:11

I'm a manager. I would be fine with this. Just as much notice as possible so email asap. Sorry about your friend

Satsumaeater · 23/11/2018 16:12

If a company were so mean-spirited as to quibble over funeral attendance I'd tell them to stick their job! I had to go to a funeral a couple of weeks after I had started a new job earlier this year. It was for a relative but I don't think it matters who it's for, if they are important to you.

WorraLiberty · 23/11/2018 16:17

I would pay my respects privately but everyone is different.

Sorry for your loss

WorraLiberty · 23/11/2018 16:18

Satsumaeater perhaps the OP isn't in a position to be able to tell them to stick their job.

PattiStanger · 23/11/2018 16:21

You can't just take annual leave 2 days into a new job.

I'd certainly ask if you can go, no need to go into any detail other than the funeral of a friend who died in a tragic accident

ADastardlyThing · 23/11/2018 16:23

A company saying no to leave 2 days into a new job aren't necessarily being mean spirited. There might be inductions to sort, training, others might have been asked to arrange their work around helping a new starter settling in and so on.

AdamNichol · 23/11/2018 16:24

As the employer, I'd be inclined to delay start date unless that's unfeesible then no one 'loses'

But this stuff happens. 1 week into a summer job in a warehouse, my grandfather died - funeral 250 miles away. They were cool about it.

happypoobum · 23/11/2018 16:25

I wouldn't to be honest. Not for someone you used to go to school with but were no longer close with and you haven't seen in years.

Rudgie47 · 23/11/2018 16:25

I wouldn't, you weren't even a close friend.
Where I've worked they would have just said no unless it was a close family member.

KitKat1985 · 23/11/2018 16:26

Personally I'd probably pay my respects afterwards since it's someone you haven't seen for some time.

Original poster

TiredAndaBitBored · 23/11/2018 16:27

Regarding the annual leave, I don't need to accrue it I'm given a set amount at the start of the year and will have around 3 when I start I believe. It's more just a case of they may have a certain notice period for annual leave booking.

I'm talking to another friend who can't make it either so we may just go up together afterwards to lay some flowers.

OP posts:

CrispbuttyNo1 · 23/11/2018 16:31

You should offer to take it as unpaid leave. If you are paid monthly and will be getting a few days pay for November then you won’t have accrued anything. If you were to leave after a week you would owe them money.

XXcstatic · 23/11/2018 16:37

If a company were so mean-spirited as to quibble over funeral attendance I'd tell them to stick their job

Not everyone is in the position to tell employers to 'stick their job'. Some of us have mortgages and dependents to consider.

It's fine though OP, but I definitely would explain it's for a funeral, so that the employer doesn't get a false impression of you as a flakey person who takes leave at the last minute without a good reason (as in this case).

Ngaio2 · 23/11/2018 16:38

It’s not being unreasonable to ask f you can have the leave and if you don’t ask you won’t know what their attitude is.
If they require more notice you just say, “ok”

californiascreaming · 23/11/2018 16:38

Agree with majority - get in touch with them now and ask. They may say no but then again they may be ok about it. I had a holiday booked and was job hunting. Ended up being offered a job with a start date the week before. I explained and they were ok - but I was upfront and told them about it as soon as they offered the job and start date.

popcornwizard · 23/11/2018 16:41

It completely depends upon the type of work doesn't it? If you're on a production line it's a major thing to take a couple of hours, if you work in your own office you are much more flexible.

Is the funeral close by? Could you take it as a long lunch break and make up the hours the next day/week?

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