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AIBU?

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Original poster

Asking for leave 3 days into new job

52 replies

TiredAndaBitBored · 23/11/2018 15:26

An old friend passed away a couple of weeks ago in a truly tragic road accident.

I haven't seen this person for quite a few years now but we went through school together and were pretty good friends for quite some time.

Although I'm not close to this person anymore I feel rather shocked by it all and very saddened by the news. I would like to go to his funeral if possible.

I am due to start a new job on Tuesday. The funeral is on Thursday. Do you think I can ask my new employer for leave so soon? (To take as part of my annual leave of course). If it were a close friend or family member I wouldn't think twice but considering I've not seen this person for quite some time I'm not sure whether this will look badly to a new boss.

I feel awful considering work when my old friend has lost his life, a son has lost his Dad, but I'm just not sure whether it would be best to pay my respects privately afterwards.

OP posts:
ThunderInMyHeart · 23/11/2018 16:44

I wouldn't ask for the time off. I don't think it's worth the suspicion and 'off to a bad start; vibe your boss might get.

I would set aside time at the weekend to pay my respects.

Original poster
TiredAndaBitBored · 23/11/2018 16:45

It's a Solicitors. Funeral is close-ish. Probably around a 20/30 min drive.

I think I will go with my friend after work.

OP posts:
jcsp · 23/11/2018 16:46

Big up the relationship with your deceased friend.

Some employees are ok with some funerals, less so with others.

I’m sure one school I was at had a list of those you could go to and which you couldn’t. Might not have been a paper list but one in he Head’s mind. (And how he felt that day)

It caused lots of upset and sickies being pulled.

ThunderInMyHeart · 23/11/2018 16:47

Please don't 'big up' - it's disrespectful to the deceased and your employer.

ADastardlyThing · 23/11/2018 16:50

Agree Thunder. Awful advice that would come back and bite op on the bum. As well as distasteful. Hmm

Tippexy · 23/11/2018 16:50

@CrispbuttyNo1 It doesn’t really work like that in most modern businesses.

CrispbuttyNo1 · 23/11/2018 16:54

I’ve worked in payroll for the last twenty years (alongside being a chef) and it always has in every sector I have done payroll for. Why would any company pay an employee for holiday when none has been accrued.

Original poster
TiredAndaBitBored · 23/11/2018 16:56

No, I won't be bigging up anything. If I did ask I would have been perfectly honest.

We may not be close these days but I am very saddened and shocked by what has happened to a person I spent a lot of my younger years with. My intentions were simply to say farewell to an old friend for the times we had, but I can do that privately after work if needs be.

OP posts:
ADastardlyThing · 23/11/2018 16:59

Gosh crisp, that's really old fashioned, last time I heard of that was back in '98!

mamansnet · 23/11/2018 17:16

If it makes you feel better, ask if you can defer your start date to the following week and explain why. That way you don't have to ask for time off.

CrispbuttyNo1 · 23/11/2018 17:17

really? So if a mid month new starter took time off, you would pay them holiday pay?

I worked until 3 years ago for a huge multi national payroll bureau and the payroll process would never pay holiday at this point as it would not have been accrued and if the starter were to quit after getting their pay then they would owe money as technically they would have been overpaid.

PattiStanger · 23/11/2018 17:23

Not taking holidays until you've accrued them is old fashioned? Not in any place I've ever worked

Madein1995 · 23/11/2018 17:27

It depends on your employer. When working for Tesco (bare minimum rights they could possibly get away with) they made you accrue holiday

Work for civil service and they treat staff much better. You're allowed to take Al from the outset, in fact most of us did. If you quit or are sacked and not accrued the hols you've taken, the cash simply gets decucted from your last pay. Much more civilized

CrispbuttyNo1 · 23/11/2018 17:31

“. If you quit or are sacked and not accrued the hols you've taken, the cash simply gets decucted from your last pay”

Yes I agree, but in the case of a new starter and depending on the payroll dates then if they leave after receiving holiday pay there would be no last pay to deduct it from. So the company would need to chase the former employee to reclaim the overpayment.

ADastardlyThing · 23/11/2018 17:46

It's a risk many, many, many, many (most, ime) are willing to take in the spirit of good employee relations.

It's seriously old fashioned. Temps/agency's might have different rules.

CrispbuttyNo1 · 23/11/2018 17:57

I wouldn’t agree. Certainly not in the sectors I have worked in where employee turnover is high (many of whom outsource their payrolls to the company I worked for) Major companies such as the big coffee chains, several of the largest supermarkets and other chains, they have strict procedures as it can be costly to attempt to recoup the overpayments. Few companies would happily pay a new starter a weeks holiday pay in their first month.

I know the OP is only asking for one day so the employer is likely to be more flexible. I’m just explaining how the process works in big companies.

BackforGood · 23/11/2018 18:08

Of course you should ask.
Start with an apology, accept it is circumstances out of your control, and offer to take it unpaid leave or out of your AL or whatever is easier for them.
Worse case scenario is that they say no.
Most decent humans understand there is nothing you could do about the date and that - whatever the relationship 'on paper' - you don't go to a funeral unless you feel you need to.
I suspect that 2 days into a new job, you are unlikely to be doing anything so crucial that the whole company depends on you being there, so, a good manager is going to say 'of course'.

Original poster
TiredAndaBitBored · 23/11/2018 18:21

Not speaking for the rest of the working world seen as I've only ever worked in law firms but in every job I've had I've simply had a set amount of days given to me when I start for use when I desire (dependant on other staff leave and providing appropriate notice of course). I've never had to accrue anything prior to being entitled to those days though I do appreciate three days in isn't great hence the thread.

OP posts:
DroningOn · 23/11/2018 18:23

I'm a manager and I'd have no problem with this, if I found out afterwards that you'd missed it I'd feel really bad that you didn't ask.

I'm sure they won't bother, and if they do I'd look for a new job.

ADastardlyThing · 23/11/2018 18:43

I guess that's the difference, good relations = lower turnover

Considering there aren't many large companies and more SMEs, my experience and opinion is more than likely accurate.

ADastardlyThing · 23/11/2018 18:45

(didn't mean that to sound as snippy as it might have come across, I thought the kids were arguing and I needed to referee)

LakieLady · 23/11/2018 18:47

Where I work, they would almost certainly allow you the time off, but it would have to be without pay.

thecatsthecats · 23/11/2018 19:21

To be honest, as a manager inducting a new member of staff, I'd be pleased to be relieved of the responsibility for a day!

Even the best of us need a fair amount of hand holding in the first week of a new role, so a day off early on relieves that.

MarshaBradyo · 23/11/2018 19:26

I did this with a new job and a very sad funeral, work were great. It was obvious when I asked that I cared about it being so early and felt it was untimely but they were so good about it.

CoughLaughFart · 23/11/2018 19:30

I’m just explaining how the process works in big companies.

That’s quite the blanket assumption. There are lots of big companies out there.