To believe that people don't know about "sleep issues" past 12 months

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I'm not looking for suggestions of techniques here (I have probably tried it anyway) but just some solidarity or discussion.

My daughter is 21 months. Before 19 months she had never slept through the night. Recently she has slept through a few times but then woken at 5am for the day. I realise this is much better than some parents deal with, but worse than many. It's 1am now and she's been awake for 2 hours.

When DD was small I found people were very sympathetic if I said she was sleeping badly. But after she turned 1, it was almost assumed that she was sleeping. I stopped working because (among other things) I wasn't safe or effective functioning on disrupted sleep. But it was like people didnt believe me, thought I was exaggerating or looking for sympathy. Friends of ours (whose baby slept through 7-7 from 6 weeks) went away on holiday with us and remarked afterwards, "I didn't realise she actually does wake up every night", although I had told them plenty of times.

Alternatively people assume it must be something we have done or not done. "Have you tried ...". I think maybe some babies/toddlers just don't sleep through.

AIBU to think this can't be that unusual and people need to be more aware that it's not just parents of newborns who are exhausted.

I definitely relate. People were sympathetic when DD was tiny, now they're more, 'She still doesn't sleep?' and look at me like it's my fault. DD is 14mo and from birth has been terrible at sleeping and napping. Co-sleeping is no longer helpful cos she moves about so much and won't settle. Last night she was awake from 1am til 5am. Luckily I don't have to work, hats off to those who manage that. Like a PP poster said I'd love to have another but can't imagine coping with the lack of sleep.

DS didn't sleep through the night till nearly 3.5. He was regularly having night terrors at 10pm which could last up to an hour and then would be awake from 1-3am - chatting, singing etc.never distressed or crying, just loud so we couldn't sleep.

He's nearly 9 now and he really doesn't need the amount of sleep his friends have, which I think was the issue when he was younger. He generally has a max of 9 hrs and is fine on 7- 8 for a couple of nights. He hasn't slept more than 10 hrs a night since he was 6.

abbsisspartacus
Mine is five nearly six YEARS OLD and still wakes up im 43 and awake because my sleep pattern is fucked up and im expecting him to wake up

I feel your pain! My 7 yr old has very few undisturbed nights. With this much sleep deprivation under your belt it feels impossible to muster the energy to attempt to do anything new about it!

Well this has had a huge impact on all aspects of my life.

My career has suffered. My relationships have suffered. I go to bed at 9pm every night so don’t socialise any more.

My confidence has been effected and my mood is low.

Have had two non sleepers - 19 month old gets up very early and very occasionally only wakes once. My 3 yo old wakes probably once/twice a week but it has a huge impact on me.

The only reason I’m not having a third is the sleep. It has made such a huge impact on my ‘parenting experience’ to date :(

I have friends who had sleepers and I know that if either of mine had slept better I would have been a happier parent.

It’s a huge issue but I didn’t really talk about it cuz no one really cares lol!

I've a 15yr old with severe adhd who has "slept through" about 5 times since he was born. Because of his impulses I can't sleep when he's awake in case he sets something on fire or leaves the house.
Love it when people say "tell him to stay in his room or he's grounded"...

But my 13yr old has slept since he was 6wks old and still loves his bed more than life itself.... when he's not getting woken up by his brother running around the house at 4am looking for a top he bought 6yrs ago!

Just do what you can to cope OP.

DS didn't start sleeping through until he was 7. No exaggeration. I don't even mean he was up once a night, I mean two or three times a night. DD is the perfect sleeper and has been sleeping 12 hrs every night since she was 6 weeks old! Luck of the draw I guess

Oh some of these are making me shudder, with DD nearly 3 who still wakes often in the night...this could go on until she is 7?

I agree that people who haven’t experienced such a level of sleep deprivation don’t have a clue what it is like.

DD2 8 weeks is showing potential to be a better sleeper but some nights it would be almost funny, the timing of both their wake ups being staggered throughout the night, if it wasn’t making me feel suicidal with fatigue... not envy!

It's horrendous. My DS2 didn't sleep through reliably until he was nearly six and my DS3 was waking up six times a night at 15 months old (turned out to be due to undiagnosed dairy intolerance) then finally started sleeping through when he was 4.5. A year and a half on from that and I'm still tired - I reckon it will take years to catch up on my sleep.

Op I was a nightmare sleeper as baby/child it got so bad that they gave me sleep meds very young(1980s) 3 months on 3 off my poor mum was dead on her feet.
Roll on 30+ years and I still only sleep 3-4 hours a night DS is the same. Some people just need less sleep

i have disabled children 14y old and 8 y old(but not mentally as they are years behind)

oldest goes 3-4 days straight without sleep then just crashes

8 y old sleeps but not at night,he goes off 6-8 am every night and we get up when ever then,usually 3-5 pm

both need 24 hour supervison

no routine works because of disabilities and no medication works either

its just some thing we have had to put up with as we get no professional help at all

we home educate because of disabilities(many other reason as well) so we sleep when ever and get up when ever

the annoying thing is both boys slept all night from birth -5 all the sleeping kicked in at 5 and half for oldest 6 for youngest

i havent slept properly for 9 years

I very clearly remember a paediatrician saying to me that they themselves had put a mattress down in their room and let their child sleep on it. He said that they needed to function and that from then on everyone had slept like a dream. It was life-changing as I went home and did the same thing as by this time I didn't care what anyone would think, we just all needed to sleep. It may not be the long term solution but for those few weeks/months/whatever of sleep that you all need, it does work!

MostlyHungry - we did that! DD hated her cot with a passion and used to scream until she was sick if we put her in it. I don't think she ever got more than an hour's sleep in it. One day we tried putting her mattress on the floor and it made a big difference. It didn't solve all the problems but it did start to get better. We baby proofed her room and put a gate on the door.

Glad it helped for you Imogen! I think my post wasn't clear that the mattress we put down was actually in our room! From the first night onwards we all had a good night's sleep.

It still means problems ahead when you want to try to resolve but in the short term, catch up on sleep and start functioning again, then work it out later!