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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to ask where I can get some practical help

33 replies

AllesAusLiebe · 23/11/2018 01:02

Sorry folks, parenting question really but posting here for traffic.

DS is 8 weeks old and I’m really struggling. I simply cannot get him to sleep. I’ve been trying since 9pm tonight and I’m at breaking point.

He has never slept in his Moses basket/cot and has always slept on DH or I which has been tough enough, but recently he’s simply refusing to sleep at all. I’ve tried it all:

-pram
-sling
-rocking to sleep
-white noise
-bouncy chair
-rocking chair
-dummy
-car
-gripe water
-colief
-Infacol

I’m currently sitting in a heap on the kitchen floor in tears. Health visitor just keeps telling me to ‘keep putting him down’ which is absolutely no help at all.

Anyone know of anywhere I can go for some practical help?

GP has prescribed me antidepressants but I honestly don’t know how much longer I can go on like this... thanks for reading. x

OP posts:
Original poster
AllesAusLiebe · 23/11/2018 01:03

....also add swaddling to that list of things I’ve tried. Sad

OP posts:
Shriek · 23/11/2018 01:07

What normally works?
What is he doing, as in, you have given him infacol...is he screaming, crying, pulling up, or what?
So sorry, you are feeling so overwhelmed right now.
I don't think that ads are really gonna help much with baby sleeping!

How's his feeding, has he had jabs or anything odd today?

Shriek · 23/11/2018 01:08

What sleep and feeds has he had today?

Aquamarine1029 · 23/11/2018 01:09

Antidepressants you take will not help your baby sleep. Newborns are going through a tremendous period of growth and self-regulation. Daytime and nighttime don't mean a thing to them. All they instinctively want is nourishment and comfort through close parental contact. This period of getting to know each other can be hell, but you WILL get through it. Do you have any family or friends who can help out?

Original poster
AllesAusLiebe · 23/11/2018 01:13

Thanks for replying. x

I’ve put him in his moses basket in the kitchen- he’s safe. Just intermittently crying at the moment. DH has just changed him and he lay there completely silently so it’s definitely not a wind / colic issue tonight, although he does often suffer with bad wind.

Sling is normally my last resort, but even that’s not working tonight.

This is ridiculous-I’m 34 years old and can’t cope with a crying baby.

OP posts:
Isittimeforbed · 23/11/2018 01:14

My middle one was like this, it got better at 12 weeks but it was hideous. Which area do you live in.... if you have a Homestart team they have amazing volunteers who can come and give you support and help you get a break.

MadeForThis · 23/11/2018 01:15

Babies have day and night times mixed up. Does he sleep better during the day?

Will he only sleep in your arms?

What's his total sleep over 24 hours like?

Original poster
AllesAusLiebe · 23/11/2018 01:15

He’s maybe had 2 hours this morning and 3 in total this afternoon. He’s ridiculously tired but nothing I do seems to make any difference.

Aquamarine I’ve got lots of help from mother in law during the day but I got the impression today that even she’s devoid of ideas and getting fed up of him.

OP posts:
Original poster
AllesAusLiebe · 23/11/2018 01:18

isittimeforbed thanks, I’m near Durham, north east. I’ll look them up.

My mother would tell me to leave him to cry it out of his system, but I can’t bear it.

OP posts:
MiniMum97 · 23/11/2018 01:22

Does he sleep on you for longer lengths of time? Or you can't get him to sleep at all more than a few hours every 24hrs?

Shriek · 23/11/2018 01:24

No, its not good to leave baby to 'cry it out'. Hes a little one and needs comfort. Are you ebf? Maybe let him just suckle if so?

MiniMum97 · 23/11/2018 01:27

Have you seen this thread....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/928767-baby-won-39-t-sleep-for-more-than-1-hour

Knittinglikemad · 23/11/2018 01:28

Hi @AllesAusLiebe when he feeds is he being sick at all & how is his nappies etc?

nokidshere · 23/11/2018 01:29

Sit in a chair in a darkened room, hold his head in the crook of your left arm and turn his body towards yours, put your right arm on his left with your thumb on the arm and the fingers on his back. Hold him firmly but not tightly. Close your eyes and regulate your breathing and very lightly tap his back with your fingers in time to a heartbeat. It's important that you Don't rock, jiggle, speak or move. Just sit, quietly. He should start to calm as will you. As he calms down, very gently rub your thumb from the bridge of his nose towards his forehead rythmically. And with patience and luck he will fall asleep.

Good luck

Original poster
AllesAusLiebe · 23/11/2018 01:33

MiniMum - he has only ever slept on me since he was born. I generally get him to sleep for a couple of hours at a time, but tonight I’ve had no success with this at all. It’s breaking me.

Yeah Shriek I couldn’t stand the thought of having him cry. I just put him down because I had to cool off and cry for a while myself. Sad I’m mixed feeding. He sometimes falls asleep when I’m feeding him, but I’ve had a rough time breastfeeding and have to use nipple shields to get him to latch and I think that makes his wind worse because he sucks quite a lot of air through them.

Does it really get better after 12 weeks?

OP posts:
Thingybob · 23/11/2018 01:33

Sorry you are having a hard time AllesAusLiebe. The obvious reasons for a baby not sleeping are hunger or being unwell. If neither of those apply I'd say it's just that your baby boy just doesn't like being apart from you. It sounds like you are doing everything right and it won't last forever but do chat to someone if you are struggling. Enjoy your sleep when he eventually drops off x

MadeForThis · 23/11/2018 01:39

Have you tried co sleeping?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 23/11/2018 01:47

Honestly? I'd put him on the bottle OP. And I say that as someone who breastfed until my kids were over a year old. But DS1 was a nightmare of sore nipples and poor sleeping and I think my resentment of it all coloured our relationship for years.

If I could go back, I'd tell myself to put him on the bottle. Seriously, consider it.

Original poster
AllesAusLiebe · 23/11/2018 04:32

MiniMum97 thanks, I’ve had a read through the thread-lots of good advice. x

knittinglikemad he’s not sick during or after feeds and all the other stuff is usually normal although he has just impressively completely filled his nappy, which could’ve been the issue tonight... x

nokidshere thanks, I’m going to give this a go now. x

Thanks thingybob x

Madeforthis I’d be happy to give it a go. I’ve tried putting his sleepyhead next to me in the bed, but he just kicks about in it for a while, then won’t go to sleep. Do you mean to have him actually lying next to me on the bed? x

TinklyLittleLaugh appreciate your honesty - this is the point I’m at now, to be honest - I’m starting to become a little resentful and worry about the impact this could have. He’s been gradually getting more formula as MIL has been feeding him during the day so I think that’s the way it’ll continue. x

Managed to get him to sleep in the sling for a couple of hours, but he’s awake now I’m bracing myself for round 2...

OP posts:
MrsCatE · 23/11/2018 04:41

Have you tried warming the bedding in the moses basket before putting him in? Obviously remove the hot water bottle / gel / wheat pack and take great care not too hot. Just take the edge off and make more comfy.

Shampoop · 23/11/2018 04:43

Does DH drive? I always found DS nodded off with the movement of the car, we could then gently bring him insidenand he would stay asleep for a good few hours.

moredoll · 23/11/2018 04:50

Try one of these for his Moses basket. DD still has hers - she's two and a half. They're not magic. She still has her moments, but I think it helps a bit.
lambskin fleece

The other good thing about it is you can take it with you when you go on holiday so it makes strange surroundings more comfortable.

FrumpyTrumpy · 23/11/2018 05:11

TinklyLittleLaugh appreciate your honesty - this is the point I’m at now, to be honest - I’m starting to become a little resentful and worry about the impact this could have. He’s been gradually getting more formula as MIL has been feeding him during the day so I think that’s the way it’ll continue.

I mixed fed, so don't think for a second I am pushing an agenda. My concern would be that some babies get very bad wind pain from bottles/formula. If you're going to go to the bottle, don't feel any guilt but definitely look into different bottles, and trying to express if you can.

Also it's not great to leave a newborn to cry, but it won't kill them and if you ever feel at your wits end just swaddle him and walk out of the room. Give yourself 5 minutes, then go back.

There is a program near me where the young women doing their NVQs I think for child care needed to spend a few months with a baby under the age of 1. They'd come round one day a week and spend time with the baby. I'd ask around for info on that, maybe call the HV to ask or the local schools?

I also found homestart helpful. www.home-start.org.uk/

Depending on money, if you can afford help, just do it. Get someone round for a couple hours a day to hold the baby while you sleep.

FrumpyTrumpy · 23/11/2018 05:13

Also a friend of mine had one of these babies, it was hard but at 4 months now just a shiny happy baby. It does end. Eventually.

Merryoldgoat · 23/11/2018 05:18

OP - I’m currently up with my 9 month old who has had times of utter horror like you describe.

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