...to ask where I can get some practical help

[AllesAusLiebe]

Sorry folks, parenting question really but posting here for traffic.

DS is 8 weeks old and I’m really struggling. I simply cannot get him to sleep. I’ve been trying since 9pm tonight and I’m at breaking point.

He has never slept in his Moses basket/cot and has always slept on DH or I which has been tough enough, but recently he’s simply refusing to sleep at all. I’ve tried it all:

-pram
-sling
-rocking to sleep
-white noise
-bouncy chair
-rocking chair
-dummy
-car
-gripe water
-colief
-Infacol

I’m currently sitting in a heap on the kitchen floor in tears. Health visitor just keeps telling me to ‘keep putting him down’ which is absolutely no help at all.

Anyone know of anywhere I can go for some practical help?

GP has prescribed me antidepressants but I honestly don’t know how much longer I can go on like this... thanks for reading. x

Sorry - that posted early - it’s hard, it’s horrid at times and utterly souls destroying.

We’re here for you. Hope baby has settled after the nappy incident - usually something is bothering them, but it’s fucking impossible to tell until they’ve sorted it out.

I hope you’ve had some rest. The tiredness is utterly exhausting.

Hi OP I have a 6 month old DD and those early weeks are all a blur so I haven't got much advice except it does get 10x easier.

I was once on the floor in my bathroom crying from lack of sleep! I ebf then mixed fed, now solely on formula, and as baby starts to distinguish night and day life just becomes easier. Please hang on in there and ask DH to help as much as possible. Co sleeping helped me a lot when breastfeeding, just make sure you google the safety of it.

Sending you hugs from someone whos been there recently

Babies, who don’t sleep well often seem to react well to cranio sacral osteopathy. The birthing process can also be traumatic for the baby as well as the mother?

My dd developed erratic sleeping patterns when she was around 6/8 weeks old. Day 1 she would not sleep at all during the day but did at night, waking for feeds. Day 2 she would sleep so much I struggled to feed her. Day 3 she slept in acceptable norms both day and night. Then the cycle repeated. A neighbour advised me she used Gina Ford. I know GF is much hated. But it worked for dd. She was breastfed.

If you are mixed feeding your supply is being artificially suppressed. It is not uncommon for babies to feed almost non stop during growth spurts. I would wonder if you are needing to work doubly hard overnight to get supply up. I’m not trying to encourage you to stop the bottles as you’re understandably on your knees and perhaps stopping is best for you.

My albeit relatively limited experience is women mixed feeding their babies at a young age fail to breastfeed longer term because of supply issues. I have read Gina Ford is also not good for supply in the early weeks. But dd was already a couple of months old so it worked for me.

As for sleeping. I had an independent midwife. She was fine with co sleeping. Dd slept inside my maternity nightdresses in just a nappy and a few times on dhs chest. I wore a dressing gown over my back / shoulders and had the duvet at waist height.

Dd did then sleep in her Moses basket. She cried herself to sleep after waking up when I put her down. I was in the shower and she had fallen asleep within a couple of minutes. That was the way I cracked it. I understand it’s far more difficult for most.

I had two babies like this with a partner who work FT and commuted 4 hours a day so was very much on my own. It is very very very hard. People used to tell me, including my gp, that it was because I was too anxious and they could feel it, which was completecnonsnese, I wasn't anxious about them, I was anxious that they were so bad sleepers. I was so jealous of my friends' babies who used to fall asleep anywhere. My two woke up at the slightest noise or movement. The only way they would get to sleep was being rocked up or dad for DD, back and forth for ds. It was exhausting and for me, the most difficult stage of their childhood with both of them.

Now ill say something that is probably complete nonsense but something an experience older teacher told me. She taught both my kids in primary and one day, she asked me at a parent evening of my 2nd whether my kids had been poor sleepers. I thought that was a very strange question but shouted yes, how do you know? She said that she'd noticed in her life as a teacher a dire t link between her most clever students and poor sleep! Both my kids are in the top 5% of pupil achievement.

Even if complete nonsense, always something to hold on too...and the fact that your dreadful sleeper will one day be a teenager you can't get out of bed! Good luck OP and remember to look after yourself and get all the help you can have. Don't be afraid to ask as most people won't fully understand what it's like unless they had a poor sleeper baby themselves.

Ours was like that. We shift slept for few months so each of us would at least get 4-5 hours of guaranteed non interrupted sleep hiding in the guest bedroom with ear plugs. He just cried and cried for what seemed like months. I remember thinking gripe water helped a bit and then stock was low in the shops and bursting into tears. The number of mums in that last shop who completely got that desperation! For us, it suddenly got better when he was moving around himself and tired himself out physically. (and he’s been a fabulous sleeper ever since. No bedtime dramas, story, cuddle, lights out, fast asleep till next morning). Now driving us up the wall with fussy eating but hey-ho. Hope you get through that rocky bit soon!

Contact the hospital where you had your bub for numbers and places to call. Unfortunately once they start to sleep poorly it gets harder to get them to sleep and once you manage to get them to sleep more it actually gets easier.

Sounds backwards but it's true.

Most hospitals will have sleep specialists that can help.

Oh OP I feel your pain. I also have an 8 week old and my first was/is a dreadful sleeper. Tonight I’ve had quite a good sleep but last night was horrific, and after a week of rubbish sleep I was on the edge at 6am yesterday and demanded dh stay off work sick to let me sleep. The exhaustion really makes you feel demented. So please don’t be hard on yourself- not being able to cope with a baby crying is you and the rest of the world, it’s awful.

I agree with pp, cranio sacral therapy is worth a try from what I’ve heard, in case he’s in pain. With my first I had to cosleep - she would not go near a cot without intense screaming. Google safe cosleeping guidelines. If you bf during night you can gently ease him down onto bed and roll away rather than putting him down from height.

This one will go in the cot mostly but when she’s overtired I find bouncing on my pregnancy ball with her in crook of arm helps her drift off.

Keep posting if you like, if that helps. Yesterday at 5am I was texting my husband at 5am that I wanted to die (I don’t really I was just fucked) gave me a little relief at the time!

Co sleeping was the only thing that let me get any sleep. Very easy to do safely. If you are breastfeeding. Baby sleeps level with your breast and you sleep on your side. Keep lights low. When baby wakes you can easily feed without much movement. And baby can roll onto their back to sleep. As baby gets older they learn to latch themselves and roll off.

Before we bed shared I would warm the Moses basket with a hot water bottle for a minute or so before I put dd back in. The shock of the cold mattress always woke her. And a baby sleeping as soon as he is big enjoy.

I used to go to bed about 7/8 and sleep for a couple of hours while DH held dd so I got a block of sleep before the night started. Even 3 hours helps. Let your Ds have formula at this time. Then you bf at night.

It's awful but it does end. They recognise day and night. Help him by making noise and curtains open during the day. Walks outside. Keep night quiet, lights dim and don't interact much. They soon learn the difference.

Their sleep patterns change a lot in the first few months which can keep them awake. And the more sleep they get the easier it is to sleep. An overtired baby is a nightmare to get to sleep.

Check his awake times. At 8 weeks he should only be awake for an hour or so before sleep. So once an hour is up try and feed him to sleep. I gave up on worrying about any sleep associations and just fed to sleep all the time as that actually worked.

Good luck. And you will get through this. It's nothing that you are doing. They all sleep differently. My two girls are totally different sleepers from birth.