Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To have gotten drunk and made a total fool of myself

47 replies

namechange2117 · 22/11/2018 17:14

I've posted on Mumsnet before about my problem drinking. After my first post, I managed to cut it down to have three alcohol-free nights a week, but I have fallen back into bad habits recently and am back up to drinking around a bottle of wine a night, every night.

To cut a long story short, DH and I went out for a meal last night. I ordered a cocktail and then (really stupidly - kicking myself now) ordered another. Two cocktails is a lot anyway, but combined with the fact I'd had a very light lunch, it was a particularly bad idea.

We then went to a restaurant where I had two large glasses of wine. I was quite merry by the time our main course arrived and managed to spill a whole load of food down my top and onto the floor. I apologised profusely to the restaurant, who were nice about cleaning it up. However, it was so embarrassing because not only did all the other diners see it happen, I then had to walk past about six other tables to reach the loo and clean up the massive stain on my white top.

To make things worse, I've been suffering from the hangover from hell today, with the resulting paranoia (yes, I know it's 100% my fault) and have not been able to get any work done because of it. I've been sitting at my desk like a vegetable, basically surfing the internet all day.

I know I need to get back on the wagon ASAP - I'm disgusted at how I made such a fool of myself in public. DH drinks about the same quantity as I do but he's a man, so holds it better.

I know this isn't an AIBU as such but I'm posting here for traffic. I just hate my lack of self-discipline when it comes to drinking.

OP posts:

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/11/2018 17:20

Beating alcohol addiction/dealing with problem drinking is really, really hard, so you have nothing but sympathy from me. I have a family member who was a problem drinker in the past. They have been dry for over 10 years now, and what worked for them was stopping drinking altogether, and going to AA.

It wasn’t easy, but they feel that resisting temptation if you have the odd drink would be much harder than simply stopping and never having another alcoholic drink.

I wish you well. {{{Hugs}}}

FearLoveAndTheTimeMachine · 22/11/2018 17:25

It’s really really hard to get a handle on an addiction. Genuinely, it’s one of the hardest things anyone can ever achieve. I say that from a lot of experience.

So well done you for getting on the wagon on the first place! Don’t use this as an excuse to drink more to feel better, write it off and get back on it, you can’t change the past but you can change the future! Give yourself a break today, tomorrow the hangover will have ended and you’ll feel back to normal and in a few weeks the embarrassment will wade and you’ll have lots of sober experiences and achievements covering the memory of last night.

Well done on your progress so far. A relapse/slip is a feature of addiction, not a bug. It’s part of the package.

Patroclus · 22/11/2018 17:29

Its a hell of a lot easier to stop drinking altogether than to try and cut down. Think about it, there really is no reason not to stop.

Patroclus · 22/11/2018 17:30

How much do you normally drink and in what situations?

MyArris · 22/11/2018 17:31

Just stop drinking. Very few people can moderate. Remove the booze altogether.

Boyskeepswinging · 22/11/2018 17:32

I agree you may find it easier to stop drinking any alcohol. And if you ever feel tempted remember those times when you were ashamed of your behaviour caused by alcohol. It worked for me and I feel so much better both physically and mentally living without alcohol. Good luck!

Original poster

namechange2117 · 22/11/2018 17:37

Thanks very much for the replies everyone. Patroclus - I'd say that when I've fallen off the wagon I normally drink around a bottle of wine a night (or the equivalent units through other drinks, like cocktails or beer). So about 10 units a night or 70 a week basically. I had managed to cut down to around 35 or 40 before I relapsed.

On a normal night two cocktails and two glasses of wine wouldn't actually be a huge amount for me, but because I'd barely eaten anything for lunch I think it hit me a lot harder than it would do normally.

I hear what people are saying about moderation vs total abstinence, but I just love the taste of wine/G&T/beer and can't imagine never drinking it again. I would miss it so much.

OP posts:

BunsOfAnarchy · 22/11/2018 17:45

Please get professional help OP. Do you have children? A job? Just asking for background

I understand that relapses happen, but you could really have hurt yourself (this post reminded me of how a colleague spilt piping hot soup in her lap and ended up with a painful burn).

Do you have anyone who can support you whilst you cut down/give up? Will DH help?

greathat · 22/11/2018 17:46

You clearly have an alcohol problem. Cutting back hasn't worked, get some help, give it up, find something else you like the taste of...

Original poster

namechange2117 · 22/11/2018 17:48

Buns - DH drinks about the same amount as me and is keen to cut down also, but like me, finds it hard. We did try to support each other when we gave up for three nights a week.

I don't have DC (although would like to one day) and I do have a job. I feel incredibly guilty as I'd done basically no work today due to being so hungover...

OP posts:

Bombardier25966 · 22/11/2018 17:49

Do you love wine enough to embarrass yourself in public? If you do, then you do have a problem with alcohol.

I don't mean that in a judgmental way, I used to be the same. But there has to be a point when the embarrassing incidents hit home and you decide to make a change. I couldn't do moderation - and it sounds like you can't either - so I made the decision to stop. Several years down the line I don't miss it at all.

Would it be helpful to get in touch with an alcoholism support service and talk it through with someone?

Original poster

namechange2117 · 22/11/2018 17:52

Bombardier - I love wine but hate how it sometimes makes me embarrass myself in public. I suppose the ideal for me would be if were able to enjoy a glass or two (tops) with a meal and leave it at that, rather than drinking a whole bottle and getting drunk. I'm so disappointed and ashamed of myself.

OP posts:

donajimena · 22/11/2018 17:55

Have you read Jason vale kick the drink easily? It changed my life. Cutting down is futile. You have my sympathy. Its hard but once you get a handle on it life is better without alcohol.

Blanchedupetitpois · 22/11/2018 18:00

I only have sympathy OP. If I had drunk the amount you drank I would be totally fine, so it’s not like you’re consuming objectively crazy amounts. For example, while I drink rarely, tonight I have had most of a bottle of wine but I’m still pretty functional. I think it’s very hard to moderate when even a fairly moderate amount of alcohol is more than you can take. No advice but wish you all the best going forward

IrisSings · 22/11/2018 19:01

This was me a few years ago. I tried cutting down but it never worked. I realised, after a long period of denial, that I had to go totally teetotal. I know this isn’t what you want but I’ve found it the only way. It’s been so so hard at times and I still have dreams about alcohol and I do still miss it but my life is so much better and I like myself more now. Good luck.

OliviaBenson · 22/11/2018 19:08

Sorry op but you are an alcoholic. You need to stop completely and accept that you'll never be able to just have a couple.

I'm sorry.

Patroclus · 22/11/2018 22:36

Alcohol is actually foul, but we manage to acquire a taste for it and we think we like the taste beause we associate that with the pleasure of being drunk. After 2 months or so of quitting I lost the taste for it and remembered how foul it tastes, like when I was a kid tasting my dads beer again.

Do you really enoy being drunk anymore? sure you arnt telling yourself that and you're just always after repeating those first few fun nights you had drinking years ago?

Do you drink in certain situations, because otherwise it would be boring being there?

I thought the same as you- I couldnt imagine enjoying myself without it, wasnt a realistic option going without, enjoyed it with food etc. now I appreciate every day I have because of not drinking for the last few years, of being able to jump up in the morning feeling 10 years old again and not living in a contant state of anxious, shitty feeling hangover fear and dread at the shit I was talking or did the night before, until I got drinking on an evening again- ruining my health that bit more and feeling even more lonely and dishonest the more I drank, imagining what I was doing to my insides and liver.

theOtherPamAyres · 22/11/2018 23:11

Can you commit to a completely dry month in January, for both you and your husband?

Your last hangover was an indication that your body is not coping. It may be very damaged already and unable to process the alcohol effectively. Be kinder to your body and give it a break for at least 30 days.

bridgetreilly · 22/11/2018 23:16

OP, everything you've said suggests that you are a functioning alcoholic. What you need is to recognise that and then take appropriate action (AA or similar). I'm afraid that simply trying to cut back isn't working and isn't going to work. You don't have to imagine never having another drink, just not having one today. And then the same tomorrow. And so on.

JosephineBucket · 22/11/2018 23:34

Although I agree you need to address your alcohol dependency please please please do not just stop - at 70 units per week, alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous and even fatal. Please seek professional help. I say this as someone who lost 2 members of their family due to alcohol before they were 50.

Lamentations · 22/11/2018 23:45

Trying to moderate is utterly exhausting and will consume your life. I'm with the PPs who've told you you will not change this without actually stopping drinking but I know (really) how hard that is to accept.

Armychef30 · 22/11/2018 23:51

Please dont stop all at once op withdrawel needs to be progressive think the guidelines are something like 2 units less every 3 days as sudden withdrawel can send your body into shock and has killed people also thiamine would be good to be prescribed whilst you are going through this x

coppercolouredtop · 22/11/2018 23:57

OP i drink roughly the same as you. i never feel drunk at the time but next day when i read texts ive sent or posts ive made on fb i cringe.

i tried cutting down but i just cant - i have 2 days a week where i dont drink due to shift work - just want to say i feel your pain and would love to just stop but not sure how. it feels like my treat and without a drink id have no treats, i dont do anything else, i spend wisely, i dont smoke etc.

caringcarer · 23/11/2018 00:13

Have you tried the alcohol free wine? I am sometimes the driver and that is what I have. Some of them are quite nice and when chilled and a chunk of ice in, you forget they are not really wine. Try a bottle.

AjasLipstick · 23/11/2018 00:13

but I just love the taste of wine/G&T/beer and can't imagine never drinking it again. I would miss it so much.

If my DH had said that and failed to stop drinking, he wouldn't have me in his life now.

Your DH won't put up with your behaviour forever and even if he does, your life will be cut short due to the diseases that drinking to excess cause.

Flip

1 2