To have gotten drunk and made a total fool of myself

[namechange2117]

I've posted on Mumsnet before about my problem drinking. After my first post, I managed to cut it down to have three alcohol-free nights a week, but I have fallen back into bad habits recently and am back up to drinking around a bottle of wine a night, every night.

To cut a long story short, DH and I went out for a meal last night. I ordered a cocktail and then (really stupidly - kicking myself now) ordered another. Two cocktails is a lot anyway, but combined with the fact I'd had a very light lunch, it was a particularly bad idea.

We then went to a restaurant where I had two large glasses of wine. I was quite merry by the time our main course arrived and managed to spill a whole load of food down my top and onto the floor. I apologised profusely to the restaurant, who were nice about cleaning it up. However, it was so embarrassing because not only did all the other diners see it happen, I then had to walk past about six other tables to reach the loo and clean up the massive stain on my white top.

To make things worse, I've been suffering from the hangover from hell today, with the resulting paranoia (yes, I know it's 100% my fault) and have not been able to get any work done because of it. I've been sitting at my desk like a vegetable, basically surfing the internet all day.

I know I need to get back on the wagon ASAP - I'm disgusted at how I made such a fool of myself in public. DH drinks about the same quantity as I do but he's a man, so holds it better.

I know this isn't an AIBU as such but I'm posting here for traffic. I just hate my lack of self-discipline when it comes to drinking.

I used to drink a fair bit, but I cut down when I had kids and not much money. Now I find drinking alcohol can result in migraines, which is a huge incentive to stop. So, I just don't drink at all now. There are other things you can enjoy the taste of, it's the emotional feeling of drinking that you are addicted to.

It's hard to give up addictions, and rare to get it in one go. Keep trying! You can do it!

caring which alcohol free wines would you recommend? wine is my poison and id love to find a decent alcohol free one

I think it sounds like you could be a functioning alcoholic- please seek help.

Don't beat yourself up about the incident in the restaurant, accidents like that can happen with or without alcohol and I have no doubt that the waiters have forgotten about it by now. It's not unusual for people to be a bit merry in the run up to Christmas.

It's up to you whether you give up or cut down. Obviously some posters have found it easier to give up entirely but if you enjoy it, and it sounds like you do, then try to introduce some mechanisms for cutting down - alcohol free days, alternating soft drinks, alcohol free wine (if you can find anything that doesn't taste disgusting).

You must cut down.

Maximum of 2 nights a week and when you aren’t working the next day.

Just imagine if you are sitting hungover in work again and again, soon you won’t have a job, so drinking will be a luxury you can’t afford.

I would def try to have MANY more alcohol free nights than nights wh now you drink. I bet you, i really do, I love the the taste of Wine too. If there was no wine, I wouldn’t bother with alcohol. Some people on here refer to it as the the wine witch.

Please, please cut down.

This as sound odd but I buy a bottle of shloer and drink it out of a wine class! It really does trick the brain into thinking you’re have that wine o’clock time!

ITS really hard, but you need to cut down and stay well within the weekly limits. One bottle of Wiine a week and about 4 bottles of cider is your limit.

If you are looking to give up entirely, avoid alcohol free wine as well. It still has a bit of alcohol in and that combined with the taste my counsellor tells me triggers your reward receptor thingymajigs that are the basis of the addiction. Find another drink you like I suppose but be prepared for the insane urges for sugar you will have and the fact pubs are pointless, dull places now you cant spend hours at a time in.

I'm not sure about all this 'don't stop or you'll die' stuff. I went from being a heavy drinker to getting pregnant (so no drinking) and guess what, I'm fine, baby fine.

I have children now which has massively helped me cut back but I still know there's that alcoholic inside me. But I can manage it now.

My advice would be:
Be very busy, busy enough so you have 3-5 alcohol free nights, all work nights should be alcohol free
Enjoy a drink but have limited amount in the house, e.g. one bottle, 4 beers or whatever
Don't drink white wine or self poured spirits!
If you let your hair down every now and then it's not the worst thing, but be conscious of what you eat / drink. Don't be pissed before everyone else!

I gave up 6 years ago, i was so tired of feeling like an idiot and not completely well the next day. I drink a lot of caffeine free diet coke. Not great, but better than booze. Watch your blood sugar, you are more likely to drink if you are hungry. I used valium for my first alcohol free month, i knew i wouldn't get addicted cos I'm not interested in drugs/ pills. I wouldn't have been able to stop without it.

I hear what people are saying about moderation vs total abstinence, but I just love the taste of wine/G&T/beer and can't imagine never drinking it again. I would miss it so much.

Bollocks. Sorry but bollocks. What you love is the association you've made between the taste and the effect. You need to be honest with yourself. Have an alcohol free month. If you can. If you can't, seek help.

and when you aren’t working the next day

This is key. Also make sure you have good meal before you have a drink as a full stomach results in less being drank I think.

God, this thread rips my heart out. OP, 25 years ago I was you.

I'm an HCP and recovering alcoholic with 24 years of sobriety. The first thing I would advise you and others on the thread is to see your doctor. Alcohol abuse is at it's core a medical problem, as are all addictions. It's well understood how the chronic presence of alcohol causes changes in your neurochemisty. That's why you feel cravings and what makes withdrawal so unpleasant and dangerous. Your brain has become so accustom to the presence of alcohol that it doesn't function properly without. The hangovers you experience are a combination of damage you did to other parts of your body and withdrawal. Here's how the physical part works:

Molecular basis of alcoholism

The problem with trying to drink in moderation or having a few dry nights a week is that you are constantly resetting your brain to expect alcohol and retarding the return to your baseline, normal brain chemistry.

Now learn a bit about the disorder and how it develops:

Alcohol use disorder symptoms and causes

Alcohol use disorder diagnosis and treatment

Your doctor will evaluate you for physical damage you've done to your liver and other organs and then discuss treatment. There are medications that can reduce your cravings but they are not a substitute for abstinence. You may need to be detoxed in an inpatient facility if you've gone to far. I had to do that and was happy to have the medical support.

Peer support is also crucial because even if you're past the cravings and compulsions you still have to learn how to live a full and happy life without drinking.

Quitting was very hard, by far the hardest thing I've ever done. But it can be done. I know many others who have done so too. You can climb out of the pit but you cannot do it alone.

I'll post more tomorrow if anyone is interested. I'm just back from Thanksgiving dinner and it's late.

Good luck to all who suffer with this.

I would strongly recommend that you see a provider and consider AA. As PPs have said, it could be dangerous for you to stop drinking cold turkey. Your provider may be able to help you determine your best course of action for detox. Once you're through the initial detox, AA may be helpful in keeping you sober.

Okay, first off you’re not happy with you’re drinking so quitting (at least for a time) might be a good plan. Got to address some other stuff on this thread though:

‘You can’t go dry on 70 units a week.’ Well maybe, maybe not. Seek a medical opinion but it’s not a given. If I take your post at face value you were 3 nights off a week until recently, albeit tanning it the rest of the time. Did you have any withdrawal symptoms? Did you ever do consecutive days?

Organs and whatnot. Your GP probably won’t send you to get all your organs checked out. They might suggest a blood test, including liver function. Fretting about this can put people off treatment, which is why I mention it. Whatever the outcome right now , a better lifestyle is likely to produce a better outcome long term. Don’t assume you’re the exception but fgs don’t assume the worst. If you’re youngish (presumably so, since you mention potential children) then short term damage can be reversible.

I hear what people are saying about moderation vs total abstinence, but I just love the taste of wine/G&T/beer and can't imagine never drinking it again. I would miss it so much.

My DBro is a recovered alcoholic. He's the bravest person I know. He says he misses being able to drink and he fights the urge every single day. And he will continue to fight it for the rest of his life. Because he doesn't like the person he becomes when he drinks. Because it makes him ashamed. Because he embarrasses those around him. Does this sound familiar?

You can't 'moderate' if you can't stop yourself. Abstinence is the only way.

My DBro is a recovered alcoholic. He's the bravest person I know. He says he misses being able to drink and he fights the urge every single day.

I'd be interested to know how he quit and what support he had doing so. After the first year I rarely felt temped to drink and now it literally never crosses my mind.

How long has he been sober, Acrossthepond?

Op. I can't read the whole thread now, but if you look on alchohol support, there is a lovely thread of people just like you.
I came close to going to AA this year, but I found another way to moderate and that was doing slimming world (from home). 6 months on and I now drink 2 x a week instead of 6. I'm happier, sleeping better and slimmer. Almost all my excess calories were booze! I wasn't huge, just needed a different way to control myself than counting units. I tried and that didn't work. A life change was what's needed and you probably need your husband to support it.

He's been sober about 6 years MissConduct. He'd been drinking for about 35 years. And congratulations on your sobriety. Even though you aren't tempted these days, it's still something to be very proud of. I've met some like you who've been able to let it completely go, but I've met more who find it difficult, be it a momentary thought or a daily struggle.

As far as how he did it, it's a sad tale but with a happy ending. I finally had to cut him off completely for my own wellbeing and that of my family. Absolutely NC. He ended up raging drunk and attempted suicide. He had a change of heart and dialed 911. He ended up in a locked facility for about 20 days. Luckily they have a wonderful substance abuse/dual diagnosis treatment team and program who not only focused on the drinking, but also were able to determine that he suffered from acute depression and issues surrounding having been adopted (we both are). I was 'brought back' into his life as directed by his team only when he'd been sober 60 days. I was an enabler as I kept making excuses for him and in essence 'babysitting him' to keep him from drinking. I had to learn that he had to fall and rise again on his own. For continuing support he goes to 'Life Ring' as AA didn't work for him. He also has a counselor he sees on an 'as needed' basis.

No judgement here OP, you’ve made a big step just realising that alcohol is a problem for you.

I’ve recently realised that while I’m not dependant, I am an alcoholic. I drink to blot out anxiety and depression, but drink isn’t my friend and makes it all worse when I act like a complete and utter dick and have to face the consequences.

I’ve been going to A.A.... it’s not as scary as I used to think. Everyone is so welcoming and you’ll likely hear familiar things in peoples’ stories. Maybe you could give them a call?

AcrossthePond55 It's great to hear he's doing so well. I went to AA for several years, then we moved and I never bothered to find a new group. I had learned everything they had to teach me at that point and I didn't feel like I needed the peer support anymore. AA certainly isn't for everyone. As the very first program of its kind it made mistakes, many in the beginning. One early group debated about whether to admit women, as they were concerned with their reputation if they did. For me what kept AA acceptable is that they have a principle that you can take what you like and ignore the rest. It's not a situation where you have to do the program completely or not at all. I skipped some steps and didn't have a sponsor after the first year. I think I also pushed back because I'm a bit of a stubborn bitch strong willed individual who doesn't always take direction well.

I've just had a look at the Life Ring website. I wasn't aware of them, so thanks for that. It's always good to have more options for treatment.

I think the reason that all of these peer support groups have value is that we are fundamentally social creatures. I went to AA meetings many times when I didn't really want to because I wanted to check in with my friends there and be there for the new people. Long sober members dragged their arses to meetings when I was new, so I could do the same. I think they also help because of the power of example. I was terrified of facing life without alcohol after my inpatient treatment. People in peer support showed me that the addiction happens to normal people from all walks of life and that you can live a full and happy life without drinking.

Thank you for sharing his story.

Can I recommend 'The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober' by Catherine Gray. It really did change my mindset about the whole thing and I came to the place where I am honestly so much happier sober.

I'm not going to say quitting is a walk in the park and there isn't pressure to drink. I'm lucky in that my DH has never drunk, doesn't like the taste, so it was easy to remove from our home. Also I do have bottles of Nosecco or Bees Knees (Non-Alcoholic fizz) However, some people in recovery veer away from alcohol-free drinks as it can trigger a relapse or act as a swap without dealing from the underlying issues so do what's right for you.

A.A. is a great resource but there is also Hello Sunday Morning (online for people cutting out/ moderating) and Smart Recovery (Alternative Peer Support). Other books are This Naked Mind by Annie Grace, Blackout by Sarah Heopla and Girl walks out of a bar by Lisa Smith. Also, all Ruby Wax's books, so interesting. There are different paths so find what works for you.

More people than ever are going teetotal, you're far from alone in this!

You'd be amazed how many people don't drink. The world has changed and very few people question it there. Non drinkers are sober for religious reasons, sport/diet/health, alcoholism, changed attitudes to drink driving, allergies and ethical considerations.

Yesterday I dropped a messy sandwich down my top in a cafe. I was a bit annoyed - with the sandwich. Things still happen when you are sober - you scrape the car, drop food, have an argument - but you don't feel on a back foot due to alcohol. It's a far better life.