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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be annoyed and thinking about going to the police?

71 replies

PennyHoffsteader · 22/11/2018 16:52

A bit of a backstory to the situation first. I have 2 cats. both boys, both brothers. We have had them since they were 8 weeks old - DH bought them off a colleague who breeds cats.

Anyways, Years go by with Cat 1 and Cat 2, all ok. then we got a puppy when the cats were about 3. In the meantime, a neighbour 3 doors down had been feeding both cats and letting them into her house to sleep, play etc. basically treating them like her own. at one point when the cats were around 2, I did write a firm but polite note asking her to not feed our cats.

fast forward back to the time we brought the puppy home, the shyest of the 2 cats has ended up rehoming itself to her house, after almost a year of me trying to bring him home and DH just letting him run out of the house. so I accepted that the little guy didn't want to live under the same roof as the puppy. it still irks me that she has him. I've tried to be polite about the situation. Even asking "how is ..... cat" and she would say "oh he comes to your back door every day you know, he misses the children" but in the next breath she would say "hes sleeping on the bed with my husband at the moment" Hes husband is quite ill with cancer - which is why I have been so accepting/lenient about the whole situation.

anywhoo - back to the current situation - we still have 1 cat live with us. He is happy with the dog, loves the children, sleeps on the bed with me every night (until DH takes him down to the kitchen for the night) cat needed a scale and polish last week, so was taken to the vets and had the proceedure done, along with having a microchip inserted whilst he was under general. On Monday I needed to take him back to the vet as he has had a reaction to the microchip. He now has a meatball sized cyst where the microchip was put in, so is on a 10 day course of anitbiotics, and ibubrofen for cats. I brought him home tuesday night and he had his first set of medication. Morning comes and in the rush of doing the morning routine and the school run, cat had escaped to the garden. I wasnt overly worried as his usual routune is to go out in the morning and come home around 1.30-2 ish for food, then hes in till the next morning. Excet cat didnt come home. DH and i went out on a number of occasions searching for him. I eventually found him underneath another neighbours shed - and bless her, she tried so hard to get him out but he wasnt having it whatsoever. I said that I would come backin the morning. that was this morning. 9.30am this morning once the kids had gone to school, I set about looking for him again. I was back in the nice neighbours garden when I heard my husband shout "mrs xyz has got him"

So i ran back to the front of the houses and there she was with DH outside her house. I asked where he was and she replied with "hes asleep in the house" I said that I wanted to take him home as he needed his medication. she responded with "shall I bring him home when he wakes up?" I said, no, I want him now, hes already gone a day without medication. She didnt look happy that Id said that so walked into her house and there he was wide awake. "he's been here since 11.30 lasy night" she said. I took the cat off her and waled home with him. He is now on the sofa - been asleep all day but been hand fed dreamies and cats milk along with meds.

AIBU to be seriously pissed at this woman? considering phoning the police on her?!! She is basically trying to steal my cat!! shes managed it with one. Im damned as hell going to let her take my boy!!

OP posts:
CJsGoldfish · 24/11/2018 05:42

Genuine question why can't cats be kept in, just let out into an enclosed garden for some fresh air?
They can.

BettyBitchface · 24/11/2018 05:45

This is one of my pet (no pun intended) hates.

How hard is it to get your own sodding cat.

Taking other people's cats basically by bribing the animal is vile behaviour. That cat is someone's beloved family member.

I have fallen in love with neighbourhood cats on several occasions. They would often follow me and try to come home with me. I never fed them and never let them in. It is tempting but it is very wrong to give in to that temptation.

Deadbudgie · 24/11/2018 05:53

Best thing to do is cat proof your garden. That way your cat wouldn’t be going to neighbours getting stuck under sheds. They wouldn’t have the chance to feed them. It would also eliminate the risk of them getting run over. Wish our neighbours did this so their bloody cat wouldn’t have kept coming in our house eying up the budgies. We have a dog now so not an issues (still craps in our garden though). Cats are too independent to get tied down by ownership in my experience. As someone said they like places not people so will go to the place they’re happiest.

jakesmommy · 24/11/2018 06:03

The same thing happened to a cat of mine a few years back, he kept going to a neighbours house as she kept feeding him, we accepted that he didn't want to live with us and he came back every now and then for food.
After four years we had a phone call from a vets saying that a cat had been taken there with a nasty eye infection and the chip revealed that we were his owners, we told the vets that we hadn't seen this cat in about 4 years. The vet explained that as he was chipped to us we were responsible for paying any vet fees and that the infection was that bad it would mean the cat would lose his eye.
We ended up paying the vet fees of over £1000 and took him home under the instructions not to let him out, he did manage to get out once and he went back to this lady, I went around to her house and got him back promptly. This person had enticed him away with food and then didn't want to know when it came to treating this poor cat, she even admitted that she had seen his eye get worse and that's when she took him to the vets as a stray.
To tell the truth I wouldnt get another cat chipped as they choose to their home, not us.

Windycindy · 24/11/2018 06:34

I am a complete ignoramus when it comes to cats, but it feels to me like you want to have your cake and eat it. You let your cat out, free to poo in other's gardens, play in the traffic with no microchip, screech all night etc. but complain when they choose to stay at another's house.

MrDonut · 24/11/2018 06:44

You will have to accept that your cat would prefer a shorter, happier life with your neighbour then a longer lived miserable life on a special diet and with meds with you.

Yeah, I'm not sure my cat would enjoy the pain of bladder stones again because my neighbor feeds him the wrong food. That's such an awful thing to say. And unfortunately these cat stealing neighbors are quick to send them back when they need vet treatment.

I'm sure if her neighbor left the cat alone, he'd live a long, happy, pain-free life at the OP's house and they'd be no problem

TheSquashyHatOfMrGnosspelius · 24/11/2018 06:49

Had you not got the puppy the cats would probably not have debanked to elsewhere so you have to take a big chunk of responsibility here OP.

There are a phenomenal number of people that don't own a cat but spend a fortune on cat food. 90% of them wouldn't take the cat to the vet if it has a brewing abscess though! I get it if the cat is obviously emaciated, homeless, sitting in the snow or has wounds that make it obvious it is not an owned cat or has been abandoned. That is showing kindness but often they attact the sleek shiny and beautiful to enhance their lives and it's so wrong. I have a friend with a houseful of cats she has procured in this way and it's like a fucking addiction.

NicePieceOfPlaid · 24/11/2018 06:51

Why not get the cat rehomed? Seems a logical step then you don;t have to pay its medical expenses.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 24/11/2018 06:51

Tell her she has a choice stop feeding the cats or take them on properly and pay for their upkeep

MinecraftHolmes · 24/11/2018 07:17

Based on your last update, either the cat should be returned to your home and the neighbour stops feeding him/letting him in, or you tell her he’s being returned to you and being properly rehomed so you’re not liable for the vets bills (and worry).

I can’t understand people who feed random cats. They’re hardly in short supply.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 24/11/2018 07:26

The cat won't live with the puppy. The OP obviously new there was a huge chance of this happening.

Really? If onlt there was a well known simile that reflect the manner in which that reflects tbe fact these two aninals come into conflict with one another, then perhaps the op wouldn't have distressed her existing pets by brinhing a third animal into the home.

And yet I have two cats and four dogs in my home, and they all co-exist happily. In fact, one of the cats "adopted" my small cocker when she cam in as a new puppy and spent his time washing her and cuddling her in.

At one time I had six dogs and three cats, and they all got on well. Every time a new animal enters an home, there is a period of re-adjustment. Cats in particular are pretty territorial, and need time to size the newcomer up (especially if it's another cat - in my ex[erience, they are more accepting of a new dog).

One of OP's cats now happily shares their home with the puppy - and it may be that the other one would have settled by now, too, if the neighbour hadn't kept shutting him in her home and preventing him getting used to the new family member.

None of my cats has ever left home to live somewhere else. The only difficulty I've ever had is with two bitches that didn't get on, but they have settled now and we don't have a problem.

sometimes, you just need time and patience - and people keeping their noses out of your business and not "kidnapping" your cats!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 24/11/2018 07:31

I get it if the cat is obviously emaciated, homeless, sitting in the snow or has wounds that make it obvious it is not an owned cat or has been abandoned. That is showing kindness but often they attact the sleek shiny and beautiful to enhance their lives and it's so wrong. I have a friend with a houseful of cats she has procured in this way and it's like a fucking addiction.

Totally this!

I also knew someone who "lured" a cat into her home and fed him and "loved" him - but not enough to get him neutered because "I'm not paying for that! It's not my cat." Hmm

Rescues would be over the moon if all of these cat lovers came to them and said "I have room for one of your orphans" - or is it because they'd be expected to pay a donation?

Then go online - Pet4Homes, shite site as it is, is usually flooded with cats free to good home, or for a minimal sum.

Do some good instead of upsetting a family. Or do they just want to show how much the cat "prefers" them? Twats!

Charlieiscool · 24/11/2018 07:35

Well it would give them a laugh at the cop shop. You are being ridiculous wanting to involve police because your cat is happier with someone else.

Longtalljosie · 24/11/2018 07:37

Do some good instead of upsetting a family. Or do they just want to show how much the cat "prefers" them? Twats!

Bloody right. I was mentioning to the vet how worried I was about the stress I was causing my cat by moving house and she kindly told me to get over myself, that my cat was extremely lucky to be so loved and that at that particular time of year they put endless cats to sleep because they were unwanted.

As I said - time to go round and read the riot act. The situation with cat 1 just confuses things so say, I want both my cats back. Stop feeding either of them. If you want to keep cat 1 we can discuss it but you will be responsible for all his bills. You cannot keep cat 2. These are my cats and you are being cruel to my children and I will not have it.

Bibijayne · 24/11/2018 07:41

Based on update .. YANBU - your neighbour is. If she wants to have cat 1 (and it seems cat 2) she should be responsible for them. Get cat 1 back, get cat 1 chipped. If cat 1 cannot adjust to life with puppy, get cat 1 rehomed properly.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 24/11/2018 07:41

everytime my neighbour feeds him she sets him back weeks as her cheap food gives him bad diarrhoea. I swear she will kill him, tell your neighbour to mind their own business.

This kept happening with a cat belonging to a friend of mine. Cat kept throwing up/crapping all over the house and it was obvious someone was feeding him. She put a note on his collar with "Please don't feed this cat, as he has a poor digestion and it's upsetting his tummy' etc - put a couple of these notes on - person took no notice. Then she saw a woman talking to/cuddling the cat, and letting it into her house. Watched for a couple of days and yep - it was consistently this woman he was going to - so she put another note on the collar - slightly less polite. "I've watched you feeding my fucking cat even though I've asked you not to. I now know you live at XXXXX, and the next time he comes home and craps and spews all over, I will pick the lot up in a plastic bag, bring it to your house, put it through your letterbox and smear it over as much of your doors and windows as I can"

It stopped.

Bibijayne · 24/11/2018 07:42

What @Longtalljosie said.

Booboostwo · 24/11/2018 07:58

Your neighbor is awful.

Go get your cat back. Set up a room, or part of the house just for the cats with no access for the puppy. Plug in some Feliway, give Cat 1 a bit of time to get used to the house again and Cat 2 a bit of time to recover from the microchip complications. Keep them in these rooms.

When they settle start introducing Cat 1 to the dog very gradually. First swap a blanket that has the smell of the other animal, then allow them t see each other from a distance while both are eating something nice, pet one and let the other one smell your hands. Eventually pop the puppy in his crate and let Cat 1 into the room so he can approach in his own time.

Get Cat 1 microchipped, get a cat flap and tell neighbor you will sue her for theft if she takes your cat in her house again.

ItsJustASimpleLine · 24/11/2018 08:29

@pisDOfly you can get a cat flap that only let's in cats with a microchip in their collar or under their skin. Stops anyone else's cats getting in. Totally worth the investment.

pigsDOfly · 24/11/2018 12:17

ItsJustASimpleLine Thank you for the suggestion but if you read the thread you'll see that I've already suggested that to my DD and the reason why she's reluctant to get one.

ItsJustASimpleLine · 24/11/2018 14:45

Sorry.

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