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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be annoyed and thinking about going to the police?

71 replies

PennyHoffsteader · 22/11/2018 16:52

A bit of a backstory to the situation first. I have 2 cats. both boys, both brothers. We have had them since they were 8 weeks old - DH bought them off a colleague who breeds cats.

Anyways, Years go by with Cat 1 and Cat 2, all ok. then we got a puppy when the cats were about 3. In the meantime, a neighbour 3 doors down had been feeding both cats and letting them into her house to sleep, play etc. basically treating them like her own. at one point when the cats were around 2, I did write a firm but polite note asking her to not feed our cats.

fast forward back to the time we brought the puppy home, the shyest of the 2 cats has ended up rehoming itself to her house, after almost a year of me trying to bring him home and DH just letting him run out of the house. so I accepted that the little guy didn't want to live under the same roof as the puppy. it still irks me that she has him. I've tried to be polite about the situation. Even asking "how is ..... cat" and she would say "oh he comes to your back door every day you know, he misses the children" but in the next breath she would say "hes sleeping on the bed with my husband at the moment" Hes husband is quite ill with cancer - which is why I have been so accepting/lenient about the whole situation.

anywhoo - back to the current situation - we still have 1 cat live with us. He is happy with the dog, loves the children, sleeps on the bed with me every night (until DH takes him down to the kitchen for the night) cat needed a scale and polish last week, so was taken to the vets and had the proceedure done, along with having a microchip inserted whilst he was under general. On Monday I needed to take him back to the vet as he has had a reaction to the microchip. He now has a meatball sized cyst where the microchip was put in, so is on a 10 day course of anitbiotics, and ibubrofen for cats. I brought him home tuesday night and he had his first set of medication. Morning comes and in the rush of doing the morning routine and the school run, cat had escaped to the garden. I wasnt overly worried as his usual routune is to go out in the morning and come home around 1.30-2 ish for food, then hes in till the next morning. Excet cat didnt come home. DH and i went out on a number of occasions searching for him. I eventually found him underneath another neighbours shed - and bless her, she tried so hard to get him out but he wasnt having it whatsoever. I said that I would come backin the morning. that was this morning. 9.30am this morning once the kids had gone to school, I set about looking for him again. I was back in the nice neighbours garden when I heard my husband shout "mrs xyz has got him"

So i ran back to the front of the houses and there she was with DH outside her house. I asked where he was and she replied with "hes asleep in the house" I said that I wanted to take him home as he needed his medication. she responded with "shall I bring him home when he wakes up?" I said, no, I want him now, hes already gone a day without medication. She didnt look happy that Id said that so walked into her house and there he was wide awake. "he's been here since 11.30 lasy night" she said. I took the cat off her and waled home with him. He is now on the sofa - been asleep all day but been hand fed dreamies and cats milk along with meds.

AIBU to be seriously pissed at this woman? considering phoning the police on her?!! She is basically trying to steal my cat!! shes managed it with one. Im damned as hell going to let her take my boy!!

OP posts:
StroppyWoman · 22/11/2018 17:42

One of our cats moved out - or rather, started spending time at a retired couple's house. They gave him treats and a bed, he was spending more and more time there, they fed him and now he won't come home, runs away from us because when we do pick him up we bring him home and try keep him inside to get used to living here again.
I was heartbroken initially - he'd always been so close and cuddly to me - but we'd adopted a rescue kitten and he hated it on sight.
But I can't do anything about it, so I'm trying to think of it as better that he's was happy elsewhere than miserable with us, (although I do wish the neighbours hadn't adopted him by stealth by deciding to feed him when they knew he was ours)

Prettyvase · 22/11/2018 17:47

Goodness me.

If you love someone set them free!

Cats don't know the law and they are a law unto themselves anyway.

Surely it's up to the cat to decide where it wants to live?!

Respect the cat's wishes.

Get another cat from a cat's home rather than remove it from the place it wants to be.

Ilikeknitting · 22/11/2018 17:51

The police will not be interested, Mrs xyz is not doing anything illegal!

I hate neighbours feeding my cats, my old boy has a very special and expensive diet, but everytime my neighbour feeds him she sets him back weeks as her cheap food gives him bad diarrhoea. I swear she will kill him, tell your neighbour to mind their own business.

Fishandthechips · 22/11/2018 17:52

Im amazed at how many people have experience of their cats being lured away stolen. I didnt realise it was something that happened so often!
I have to ask why? People seem to be trying to get rid of kittens everytime you look at facebook or gumtree, Its not like these people have stumbled across a unicorn that shits gold. Also who pays the vet bills when somebody 'adopts' somebody elses cat? I find it completely bizarre and wish I understood the mindset of this.

Missingstreetlife · 22/11/2018 17:53

All this about cats free will is ok but
People tempt them with food, not knowing about special diet or medication.
Think any cat out on its own is stray, it isn't
Want the cat to be fond of them, but don't want full responsibility for vets bills and caring for elderly pet
Don't feed other people's cats it's selfish and may harm the cat

pigsDOfly · 22/11/2018 17:57

My poor DD has the opposite problem.

She has two cats of her own and has a cat flap that most of the neighbours' cats seem to think is there for their convenience.

The currently have about three other local cats that come into their house, steal her cats' food and sleep on the humans' beds.

Recently they have been visited by a very young kitten that belongs to a nearby neighbour. It comes in, eats all the cat food and then vomits and poos all round the house. They're pretty certain it's the kitten doing all the mess as it only started from when he started hanging around.

My daughter is going mad with it. She'd give anything not be adopted by this kitten.

They are having some success at getting it to realize it isn't wanted as they chase it out every time they see it, but they're out at work all day so often come home to find it, and other cats, making free with their beds and sofas.

Unfortunately, her cats are very laid back and just seem to be a bit puzzled about the whole thing but don't feel bothered enough to defend their territory.

ItWentInMyEye · 22/11/2018 17:57

I don't think police would get involved, but I sympathise with how annoying and upsetting this can be. We live near 99% people over 75, and they all seem to let our cat in their house and feed him. It wouldn't be a major problem as he comes home at night except someone keeps giving him milk, which makes him have diarrhoea and he does it in the house on a regular basis now 🤢 I can't ever imagine feeding someone else's pet.

mickeymacca · 22/11/2018 17:57

Please don't call the police. What a complete waste of their time. Cats do as they please as I'm sure you know... Do you not watch the news? Can you not see how stretched the police are.... With real crimes??

MissCharleyP · 22/11/2018 18:03

pigsDOfly I used to work in a pet shop and you can (or could) get cat flaps with a magnet and a matching collar for your pet so the flap will only open for an animal wearing the collar.

PepsiLola · 22/11/2018 18:04

I'd go and chat to your neighbour now, tell her this isn't fair and she is to stop taking your cats or you will seek legal action (even if you don't) as it's affecting their health not getting their medicine.

Take back your other cat too

AnotherOriginalUsername · 22/11/2018 18:06

If the cat with the neighbour isn't chipped it's basically your word against hers.

Also, why force this cat to live in your home with a dog where it's obviously unhappy? It's bad for its mental well-being, and also it's physical health. Stress in cats can result physical symptoms, including uretheal obstruction which can be fatal.

What you do need to do, is work out who is going to take responsibility for the cat. Say it gets hit by a car tomorrow, who is responsible for the resulting vets bills? Who is keeping its vaccines and parasite treatment up to date etc.

WorraLiberty · 22/11/2018 18:18

Take back your other cat too

The cat won't live with the puppy. The OP obviously new there was a huge chance of this happening.

If the neighbour doesn't home the cat, someone else will have to.

It also begs the question. Why has the OP only just got her cat (cats?) microchipped when they over 3 years old.

Prettyvase · 22/11/2018 18:27

Cats don't care for special diets or medication if they don't want to live with you!

You will have to accept that your cat would prefer a shorter, happier life with your neighbour then a longer lived miserable life on a special diet and with meds with you.

Simple.

SpottingTheZebras · 22/11/2018 18:57

@pigsDOfly our cat flap recognises our cats’ microchips so it only allows them into our house.

FunkyKingston · 22/11/2018 19:05

The cat won't live with the puppy. The OP obviously new there was a huge chance of this happening.

Really? If onlt there was a well known simile that reflect the manner in which that reflects tbe fact these two aninals come into conflict with one another, then perhaps the op wouldn't have distressed her existing pets by brinhing a third animal into the home.

pigsDOfly · 22/11/2018 20:32

MissCharleyP and SpottingTheZebra Thank you both for your suggestions.

Her cats don't wear collars, but I have suggested to her in the past that she should get one that reacts to the microchip.

However, her fear with that is that as one of her cats has a tendency to be picked on by other cats in the neighbourhood - he's a big ginger male btw, bless him - and will fly at the cat flap and hurtle through it in a panic he's going to end up hurting himself because of the slight delay they have before opening as the cat approaches, usually in a less panicky way hopefully.

I once had a rather fat cat rush at my old fashioned sort of cat flap and because he was in something of a hurry - I think it involved a fight with one of my cats - he pulled the flap out of its mooring and ended up with the whole thing round his middle. Fortunately, he was on his way into the house so I was able to get it off him. Obviously it was in no fit sate to go back in the door though.

Ladygodivasroom · 22/11/2018 20:43

Actually you can prosecute for a stolen cat under the Theft Act and the police would assist with this. Saying they don't do anything about burglaries is irrelevant - the only reason they don't usually attend immediately is because by the time that the burglary is reported the thief is long gone so there is no point. In an ongoing situation where the law is being broken, they can and do intervene.

Not clear what you'd want them to do in this situation though OP - you've already said you don't want cat 1 back and you've got cat 2 so she clearly doesn't intend to keep hold of it permanently.

Beautifulsunshine · 22/11/2018 20:59

My friends mum does this. Feeds any cat that turns up and they wonders why they keep coming back and ends up keeping them.

PennyHoffsteader · 23/11/2018 12:16

Update on kitty. His abscess has popped so we are back in the vets.

Thankyou yo everyone who responded to this post. Much appreciated.

Hope everyone else has a lively day xx

OP posts:
PennyHoffsteader · 23/11/2018 12:19

Ladygodivasroom - I.would rather have cat 1 back but as people have pointed out, he doesn't want.to live in a house with the puppy. I broached the subject of Mrs XYZ adopting cat 1 and even handed her his vets card so she could register him under her name should cat 1 need any medical treatment. But she didn't want that. So effectively I pay for his vets bills but she gets to enjoy him.

OP posts:
Myusernameisunique · 23/11/2018 12:55

No advice really here but a quick post to say I totally sympathise with you as we have a neighbour who has done pretty much exactly the same to us! Our cats are 10 and 5 years old and we've had both since they were kittens. They are both predominantly outdoor cats but would come in and be fed, have a snooze etc. This neighbour has always allowed our cats in her house and fed them from time to time. They always came back though so no big deal. We got a dog in march and were trying to carefully introduce him to the cats over time. Cats decided they were having none of it and started basically living with our neighbour. We went and asked her if she would stop feeding them and allowing them into her house which she said she would but she didn't. They now basically live with her but are not receiving any care from her as in worming or defleaing treatments. She's even had the audacity to put a note through my door to tell me one of the cats had a tic! They don't come into my house so I'm unable to treat them! Explaining this to her has also fell on deaf ears and she bitches to the other neighbours about how we've got a new puppy and have "abandoned" our cats. We still have insurance policies for both as I know if anything was to happen she wouldn't foot the bill as she doesn't count them as her pets even though they live in her house! It makes me so angry but there really is nothing we can do as they're free roaming animals and the neighbour won't do as we've asked!

Prettyvase · 24/11/2018 04:12

Hahaha! The cats really have put all the hoomans in their place haven't they?!

You are kidding yourself to think cats operate and run by human rules of ownership. They don't!

A cat's life is its own and you are being ridiculous if you blame or get annoyed with your neighbours!

I think you all must be jealous that you can't give the cat what the cat wants. Very hooman to blame or get angry with others when actually the problem lies with yourself and what you offer is simply not good enough for the cat!

Lokisglowstickofdestiny · 24/11/2018 04:35

She's a bit cheeky if she doesn't want to adopt him but only have him keeping her company all day every day. You could call her bluff and say that you know the cat can't live with the puppy so you will be asking an animal shelter to re-home, she might agree to take the cat on properly. Bit of a risk mind you!

Loonoon · 24/11/2018 05:14

I feel sorry for Cat 1 being driven out of its home by the new pet. Cats are very territorial and attach to places not people so it must have been pretty unhappy to relocate like that.

sobeyondthehills · 24/11/2018 05:35

I would just make sure, she understands you are no longer responsible for cat 1, the amount of stories I have heard about neighbours adopting a cat and then asking for vet bills.

I also don't think there is much you can do, I believe cats are classed as possession*, she has stolen from you, but I am not sure the police are going to do anything

*Legal knowledge from Judge Rinder