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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Free baby clothes... AIBU?

38 replies

willisurvive3under2 · 21/11/2018 23:44

A few months ago I advertised a big bundle of tiny baby clothes on a local FB page. It was tiny baby clothes I'd used for my twins. I gave them away for free - partly because I had been given some of the stuff for free myself, and partly because I wanted to help out a fellow twin mum. When she collected the bundle she did ask if I was sure I didn't want any money and I said yes.

Today she advertised the same clothes on the same FB page asking for money - she has divided them into smaller bundles but most of the items are mine (I'd say 80% of the stuff is). It's unmistakable.

I nearly messaged her straightaway to express how I feel about this but then I wondered if maybe I'm wrong? I guess the clothes are hers and she can do what she wants with them now? It's a very small local group, I feel she is being incredibly cheeky. AIBU?

OP posts:
PurpleFlower1983 · 21/11/2018 23:48

It’s cheeky but this is how a lot of people make money.

YerAuntFanny · 21/11/2018 23:49

This has happened to me twice, not with clothing but large household items, and it really pissed me off.

However, as you say, they are hers now to do with as she pleases. It's definitely cheeky but whether it's wing or not is just down to personal opinion I guess.

I'd block and move on.

Storm4star · 21/11/2018 23:51

It is cheeky but presumably you don’t know her financial circumstances? It is nearly Christmas and she may be really short on funds. In fairness, she did offer you money for them so clearly would have paid had you asked. I think you should let it go.

IStandWithPosie · 21/11/2018 23:53

You gave them to her. They’re no longer yours. You don’t get to take the hump because someone doesn’t do what you did.

ZanZeeee · 21/11/2018 23:53

Really bloody annoying and I don’t think you ABU but maybe next time you should just sell your items. If you can’t beat ‘em, and all that!

garethsouthgatesmrs · 21/11/2018 23:59

Give them to charity next time They will still be affordable for most and the charity willnmake money tol. win win.

having said that if she is accepting free clothes for her babies and then selling them in bundles on facebook she may well be financially hard up so I would cut her some slack.

LearningToDrive · 22/11/2018 00:25

YANBU. I'm also a member of a local FB group that passes on free baby things, and this goes against the ethos of taking and sharing with the community.

Does your group have any guidelines or rules? Ours is simply to pass on this that you receive

Tillytrotter123 · 22/11/2018 00:32

Yanbu but I suppose if it was a few months ago she has actually used them and not just resold straight away? Coming up to Christmas she may be struggling.

Darkstar4855 · 22/11/2018 00:34

YANBU but this is a common occurrence and you can’t stop people doing it. This is why I give things to charity shops rather than give them away free on facebay etc.

SylviaAndSidney · 22/11/2018 00:35

Ooh it would annoy me, but you did give them to her, and she should be free to do with them as she wishes, unless otherwise stipulated.

EmeraldShamrock · 22/11/2018 00:43

Why would it get to you. Has Sshe used them? If so, well then she did not scam you for a profit. She probably needs extra cash for Christmas. How do you know she was selling, do you follow her? I would assume she wasn't rich if she needed free clothes to begin with.
If you are going to do something kind like pass on free baby clothes. Don't be a misery guts then if it is not how you wanted?

AntiHop · 22/11/2018 00:46

I'd be really pissed off. She's abused your good nature.

EmeraldShamrock · 22/11/2018 00:53

Would you have preferred to have the clothes back after use. Shock
I would be completely with you if she collected them last week and put them up for sale. She was probably delighted with the items, took good care of them washing them etc so now they are in selling condition in time for Christmas.
All the threads on poverty at Christmas.

BackforGood · 22/11/2018 01:06

Seems odd to even notice - to notice her name or to be looking that closely at bundles of clothes that are too small for your dc.

Yes, in principle, you'd like to think that people 'pass it forwards' when you do them a good turn, but you need to let it go, not stalk the woman. Presumably she has used them, and is short enough of cash that it makes sense for her to go to the hassle of trying to sell small bundles. Tbh, for the small amount she will make, I'm inclined to think she must therefore need the money, and just be glad I helped her out when I could.
It's not like she walked away from you and sold them - though, even if someone did, I'd still think 'Well, if she is that short of money, then good luck to her', if I didn't need the clothes.

SD1978 · 22/11/2018 01:07

Presumably they are now too small for her child. You chose to pass them on for free, she has chosen to sell them. Whilst you may feel morally she's wrong, ultimately you have them to her to do with as she wishes.

LilQueenie · 22/11/2018 01:11

If there are guidelines to this group she will be banned once the admins know. It is cheeky. there are other places to buy and sell on items. Its a general rule if you are gifted an item you regift it on.

PBobs · 22/11/2018 01:17

I agree with other posters who have said if there are guidelines on your group then you should message Admin. You did give them away for free but groups like this rely on goodwill to work well. If someone is violating rules then that isn't OK.

lostelephant · 22/11/2018 01:18

YABU. The clothes are no longer yours and she can do as she pleases.

1forAll74 · 22/11/2018 01:20

Well you are a lovely person,to give away some baby clothes, I would have done the same. But this person is taking a chance on trying to sell them on now.. There is no point in thinking about this really. Best to imagine, that she may need a bit of extra money now.

SuchAToDo · 22/11/2018 01:22

You gave them away for free to her...she asked if you wanted any money and you didn't...

they are.no longer yours,..they belong to her, when you give something to.someone it is there's, you can't keep a grasp on what they can/can't do with it ...she now owns them fair and square and if she wants to sell them on, they are hers to sell..

SilverOnToast · 22/11/2018 01:24

Her baby outgrew them. She sold them. What’s the issue?

RightOnTheEdge · 22/11/2018 01:25

On my local page it's against the rules to sell on things you have been given for free. You get banned if caught doing what this woman has done.

YANBU for feeling a bit annoyed at her cheekyness.

Limpshade · 22/11/2018 01:27

"YANBU. I'm also a member of a local FB group that passes on free baby things, and this goes against the ethos of taking and sharing with the community."

Agreed. Yes, technically she hasn't done anything wrong and many people on MN will say since the items belong to her, she can do with them as she pleases, BUT you have them to her on the understanding they were for her use only, so there is an underlying dishonesty to that transaction.

There's a saying, "Keep your side of the street clean". You've given away your stuff for free out of kindness, so you haven't lost anything here really. Just be happy you did a nice thing.

nokidshere · 22/11/2018 01:38

@Limpshade my gran used to say that

She's had them a few months, she's probably used some of them, some she might not have liked, they might be grown out of or might not have been suitable, now she's selling them on. It's not your business really

Rachelover40 · 22/11/2018 01:45

When something is given it is no longer yours so it's up to her to sell if she wants. Maybe she needs a bit of extra cash, who knows?

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