Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take this money off my DD

53 replies

MargotLovedTom1 · 21/11/2018 16:41

DD (12) asked for football boots for Games and football club a few month back. I bought some she picked out for 20 quid. They've been used precisely never. They still fit (I made her try them on to check the other night) but she still hasn't used them, despite reminders to pack them with her kit. She had football today at school and has come home with her trainers covered in mud and soaked through. AIBU to think Fuck it! If you're going to wreck your trainers and not use the boots on which I've clearly wasted my money then I'm having that money back? She has plenty of birthday money stashed away.

OP posts:
AiryFairyUnicornRainbow · 21/11/2018 18:34

I wonder if she's had the piss ripped out of her
This

When I was at school, I had one pair of shredded Nikes that lasted me four years. The only other option was a pair of brand new £5 trainers ....so I beat the shit out of the Nikes for years. I used to do repair jobs on them with tippex..but a broken pair of good brand trainers carrys more street cred, than a pair of fiver green stripes any day of the week...shit like that would get you beat up / end up with zero friends

Pannalash · 21/11/2018 18:35

Agree with Airy can't believe you would even think of taking her birthday money - she's a child and kids all make mistakes.

Inertia · 21/11/2018 18:36

I wouldn't take the money, but she'd be responsible for cleaning the trainers .

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 21/11/2018 18:38

It would annoy me but I would be trying to find d out why she's not wearing them. There must be a reason. If there genuinely isn't I'd say she has to start wearing them or pay for them. If there is a genuine reason then I'd sell them on a selling site and use the money towards new trianers.

cariadlet · 21/11/2018 18:44

It's infuriating when you buy things that kids insist they want/need and then they don't use them. But your dd's birthday money belongs to her; you can't just take it whether you explain why or not.

It would have been different if you'd said "Yes, I'll buy you those boots, but you need to use them. if you don't use them then you can pay for them yourself." But you didn't say that and you can't just move the goalposts and create new rules after the fact.

Make your dd clean the trainers. Let her know that you aren't replacing them if she ruins them. Suggest that the trainers will last longer if she uses the football boots for football and try to find out why she hasn't been wearing them.

Cherries101 · 21/11/2018 18:47

Can you return them, add some money, and buy her a decent pair of waterproof or water wicking trainers?

Bluntness100 · 21/11/2018 19:12

If you think about it enough, I'm sure you can think of other things op she's not used or used enough and you could help yourself to the rest of her birthday money.

Kemer2018 · 21/11/2018 19:18

Yanbu

Armadillostoes · 21/11/2018 19:18

OP if it's HER birthday money you can't just steal it. You could refuse to replace the friends-which I suspect would be a bigger financial hit for her if she has to replace herself. But perhaps you could find out WHY she won't wear them? She might have had some nasty comments which put her off. If there are strong feelings and maybe even bullying behind her not wearing the boots she chose, punishing her won't help the situation, her wellbeing or your long term relationship with her.

Armadillostoes · 21/11/2018 19:19

Replace the trainers. I have no idea why autocorrect said friends!

KarmaStar · 21/11/2018 19:24

Don't agree with taking birthday money off her.It won't teach her anything.
She is 12,be happy she is out there enjoying sport and not sat around doing nothing.
Cut her some slack!!!

Topseyt · 21/11/2018 19:58

Her birthday money was presumably given to her by other people so that she could choose something she wanted. It isn't yours to take.

If you take it then you break the trust of everyone who gave her money.

Make her clean the muddy trainers. Most do clean up quite well.

Find out why she doesn't wear the boots. If they are no longer cool kit then suggest that she may like to save towards a pair that she will wear. Perhaps you could make a contribution, but she saves for them and gets more choice.

Zbag · 21/11/2018 20:01

Yabvu. She's a kid.

WinterfellWench · 21/11/2018 20:39

Too harsh by far IMO, to take it out of her birthday money.

She is 12. This is the kind of thing they do. Not great obviously, and you should make her clean her trainers, but taking her birthday money is out of order.

JMHO.

UserName31456789 · 21/11/2018 20:41

You definitely can't just steal her birthday money off her. Of course you can insist she cleans her own trainers. I would also try to find out why she isn't wearing them.

TAMS71 · 21/11/2018 22:01

Yup we need to know why in her mind she won't wear them. I understand your frustration and I'd be tempted to do the same but probably best to find out why and be glad she is out getting exercise...

TittyBoneGhoul · 22/11/2018 00:22

If this is the first time you have found something your kids wanted went to waste you are lucky then! It happens.

Her money is not yours to help yourself to? You offered to buy her boots. And I agree £20 sounds like a shite pair of boots. Probably not the pair she would have picked if a budget wasn’t set?

What does it teach her if you take the money she was gifted to celebrate HER birthday?offer her if she wants to sell the boots and put the money towards a better pair and I bet she won’t refuse...

Squidgee · 22/11/2018 00:30

of course YABU.

You can't take money she's been gifted because she hasn't used something you bought her, even if she did ask for it.

Dont be ridiculous.

Make her clean her trainers and sell the boots if she's not going to use them.

Leonie87 · 22/11/2018 00:33

Completely in agreement with Bluntness here. She’s only 12. Give her a break.

sollyfromsurrey · 22/11/2018 06:32

YABU REALLY, really U. You can't retrospectively add conditions. That's not a good lesson for kids. You can however let her know that the consequences are that she will have to clean her trainers and have nasty trainers until she grows out of them. You would have spent the £20 whether she wore them or not. Remind her why you are not buying her any more if she asks for some when her feet grow (or asks for some other 'want'. Do you expect payback for any food she doesn't eat?

Pinkyyy · 22/11/2018 07:15

If you think about it enough, I'm sure you can think of other things op she's not used or used enough and you could help yourself to the rest of her birthday money

100% agree. OP did she eat all her dinner last night? Wasted food could get you another quid surely

fleshmarketclose · 22/11/2018 07:28

No YWBVU to take her birthday money. She's twelve, if those football boots are the only thing you have ever bought that she really wanted and then hasn't used you've been very lucky. I've a loft full of boxed and unopened toys that my dc really wanted and then didn't play with (I'll sell them to collectors hopefully in a few more years (some are twenty years old) and share the money between them)
If you talked with her you might find out why? Has she been teased? Has the school told them to wear trainers?
If you need the money that badly that you'd take her birthday money then sell the football boots.

Wallywobbles · 22/11/2018 07:50

I stopped buying for my kids and they now get a clothing allowance and have done since they were about 10. I couldn't bear the buying and not wearing/ using. It includes all sports kit and shoes too. Make it her problem not yours. Her waste not yours.

Allfednonedead · 22/11/2018 08:04

I can’t believe no one has pointed out that almost all trainers go in the washing machine and come out like new!

Waspnest · 22/11/2018 08:50

Did your DD actually have her football boots with her? DD has to have football boots as part of the official PE kit (as well as normal trainers) but the school accepts that taking both to every PE lesson is crazy (and the kids don't have lockers so would be carrying it all around all day) so theoretically they will be told the lesson before which footwear will be needed. If the teacher forgot to do this my DD would be in the same situation as yours. If your DD had both with her I think you'd be R to make her clean the trainers but U to take money for the boots - if it's part of the kit it's part of the kit (I'd rinse them thoroughly before putting in washing machine - otherwise you'll be getting bits of grit/mud over your next load IME).