I have name changed for this but I have lurked for a long time and have been posting for a while.
I’m really just looking for different views on my relationship. I’m starting to feel quite emotionally drained with it all and can’t really tell how I feel anymore! I tend to pretend everything is great in real life so it’s hard to get an outsiders opinion.
I have been with my boyfriend (will call him Kyle!) for around 2 and a half years. We met at work. I have one DS (don’t want to say exact age but over 5 under 10!). Kyle was well aware of this as had met him numerous times at work. When we got together I was hesitant to have Kyle around DS as I have never introduced him to any previous boyfriends. However, he was very keen and as they did already vaguely know each other, we started spending lots of time all together. Kyle was amazing with DS. They got on like a house on fire and pretty quickly (much quicker than I would have liked in hindsight) we unofficially lived with Kyle, at his request. I still kept my own place and DS spends 50% of the week with his dad. It all seemed to be going great, like I’d met the man of dreams. He was in the process of house hunting and involved us both in that process. He clearly stated that he wanted us to move in officially when this happened, not just to me but to/in front of family and friends.
His mother then came to visit and everything turned sour quite quickly. He has obviously not made his mum aware of how serious we were and she clearly did not expect us to be there. I’m not sure if she was even aware of DS. We decided to move back to our flat to give him and his mum some space to spend time together. When his mum went home, I went over as normal (alone) to find all our stuff had been packed up and his mum had binned birthday cards DS had made for Kyle. We had a massive fight which resulted in him deciding he had moved too quickly and didn’t want all of this yet. I was very upset as I felt this had been my view from the offset but he had ‘brought me round’ as such just to then throw it in my face. But I understood how he felt and we decided that I’d move back to my flat and visit two to three times a week and DS would only stay over the odd weekend.
This worked well for a while. DS didn’t massively understand and I felt like the worst mother in the world for putting him in a position I had always been adamant I wouldn’t put him in but he was still very happy and didn’t seem too fussed. Kyle continued to include us in house hunting ect until he actually moved in to the new house when it became clear he wanted to take another step back. It has almost been two years since he moved into this house and DS has not stepped foot in it once. Kyle and I spend time together when DS is at his dads.
Kyle has now not seen DS at all in almost one year. I have tried to have discussions about possibly spending an hour or two all together once a month but it was shot down. He has a very demanding job and is also studying for a post graduate degree so I can understand he is very busy and both physically and mentally taxed sometimes, but not to the extent he can’t manage a walk round the park once a month.
Since the issues with his mother, I have met and spent time with her on numerous occassions and I do like her and she appears to like me. Except she bins my toothbrush every time she visits. The last time she used it to clean the grout from the floor tiles and left it on the floor. She also bins Kyle’s and buys him a new one. Mine is bright pink, there are only two there so it is quite obvious it is mine. He is a mummy’s boy and it is quite evident she does not think I’m good enough for him. This doesn’t bother me as other family members have told me she has always been like that with everyone and can be a very spiteful, vindictive person (refuses to go to other sons wedding, called her daughter fat when she clearly has an eating disorder etc). Not sure if that’s even relevant or if I just wanted to rant about it a bit!
It is starting to become obvious than he won’t stay here forever. He has a job in quite a niche field and it’s likely he will move to further his career. When I try to talk him about this, he shuts me down. There is only so far I could go with him if he moved as I wouldn’t move DS away from his family and friends.
He is quite a sensitive person in the sense that he gets annoyed very easily - either how I speak, how I eat, the things I eat, how I sit, if I move too much, if I make a noise inadvertently ect. When he gets annoyed he can be very nasty without realising it. We don’t have sex anywhere near as often as I would like - maybe once a week at the most. If I try to initiate sex I get pushed away. We hardly ever kiss or cuddle, he’s not big on affection whereas I really crave it sometimes. He never comes to my place, it’s just completely out of the question, I always have to go to his.
Separately these issues don’t massively bother me but all together they just completely drain me. If our relationship isn’t going to go any further, if he can’t find it in himself to spend a tiny percentage of his time with the most important person in my life then I just don’t really see the point. I don’t expect a perfect relationship but I’ve always sort of felt that you push through the bullshit because you know the other person is who you want to be with for the long the run. If you don’t and it’s just for the here and now, shouldn’t it be easier and lighter and more fun than this?
If you have read this far you deserve a medal 
. It’s probably all just a rambling, hormonal (time of the month!) mess but AIBU to think like this? Should I just let it be and see what it becomes naturally, am I over thinking it all? I just don’t really know my own head anymore. I should add, it’s not like I want a massive commitment - I have no interest in more children or marriage and I much prefer my flat to his so wouldn’t particularly want to move in with him now!