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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My first experience with a childminder

67 replies

AMOLTE · 21/11/2018 09:40

My first experience of having a childminder for my baby is supposed to be a good one...but it wasn't...me and my partner being quite in a struggle to find somebody when this women contact me on a childminder site...we agree to meet...she seems a nice person at first sight,but us being without a experience of what we suppose to do she did give us straight away to sign a contract...instead of giving us a pre-settled contract to see how it will go with her...if the baby is happy,if we are happy ...she just assumed is best for her and her pockets. In 2 weeks of taking my baby at her ,he was all the time tired...he was not sleeping (and is a good sleeper)this 2 weeks was the worst ..every time I was finishing the days of care with her.. My baby will have diarrhea and vomiting so instead enjoying my days off from work with him...it was going around gp's and calling surgery.l.After 2 weeks with her I did resign from my job and give her notice. I did explain nicely the situation without her feeling uncomfortable but the first thing she said was "this are my money for my food ".so still 2 days to go with her and that 2 days last forever for me,she didn't brief me with nothing what my baby was doing that days,he was sleeping in 10 hours 1 hour(8 months old baby)witch I find it so stressful .last day I did find him dirty and again very tired.So we did send her an e.mail to says the baby dosent go to her anymore but she did want her MONEY of course for 1 month notice. So all she wanted was her money but she didn't over a good service at all.im so stressful now to find somebody else to take care of my baby

OP posts:

vandrew4 · 21/11/2018 10:50

I never do a settling in period. i always think they respond better if they know what the routine at mine will be like from day one, but I know people have different opinions on that

MissRhubarb · 21/11/2018 10:52

Did you check out her registrations, qualifications etc?

Original poster

AMOLTE · 21/11/2018 10:53

I do value good care and compassion but I don't value when you don't do it proper and I was meaning nappy .I can understand they take bugs but every single time is a bit to much for me .he was 2 days with her per week and the rest of the days i suppose to take of from my work to take care of him being so poorly. Do you think I'm unreasonable?

OP posts:

Chickychoccyegg · 21/11/2018 10:55

I'm a childminder too, and I do have a signed contract by baby's first day , previous to the first day I do settling in sessions to begin to build a trusting relationship with baby and parents, usually 3 or 4 ,1-2 hour sessions,which is standard practice, where you can decide it's not for you, before contract is signed.
Childminders work hard for their money, so it's not fair to make out this isn't the case, and it can take some children a good few weeks to settle in properly/get used to sleeping somewhere new etc, also when starting any new childcare children tend to pick up everything for the first little while,or could be complete coincidence,i think you might be being a bit harsh, but if you're not happy you're doing the right thing in removing your child, but you still owe the full fee's for your notice period

CrookedMe · 21/11/2018 10:56

I'm not clear what she did wrong; it often takes babies time to be able to sleep well in a strange place, and it's hardly her fault he got a bug - babies catch every bug going!

Clearly you owed her the 30 days' notice payment, so what's the issue?

Shazafied · 21/11/2018 10:57

Unreasonable in what sense ?

You say you have paid her in full ? Fine.

You weren’t happy and don’t want to send your baby any more - ok , that’s up to you.

What exactly do you want us to gauge the unreasonable-ness of?

Rhiannon13 · 21/11/2018 10:58

I don't think you're being unreasonable regarding the nappies (although the childminder might have been struggling to keep up with the upset tummy). Slightly unreasonable to expect your baby to settle immediately. I'm quite concerned by your selection process if I'm honest as you still haven't said if this was a registered childminder.

PotteringAlong · 21/11/2018 10:58

he was 2 days with her per week

But you pulled him out after 2 weeks so you’re basing all this on 4 days?!

CrookedMe · 21/11/2018 10:58

And yes, I think you're unreasonable. Parents have to take time off when their children are sick, what did you think would happen??

YourHandInMyHand · 21/11/2018 10:58

I assume this is an ofsted registered childminder yes?

Babies do take time to settle in to new childcare. Their sleep routine may not be as clockwork as usual too while they get used to settling in a new place with a new person. They may also pick up illnesses frequently at first, again as they are in a new place around new people but they soon build up their immunity (this is the same be it a childminder, a nursery, a preschool, a school, etc).

Childminders need contracts and any professional childminder would use. Some put in a settling in period though so for example that might mean that in the first month either party can give notice without having to pay four weeks.

If you were the childminder's first and only client of course she will be disappointed you decided after two weeks you are quitting. She has started a new job which we all know often means a rejigg of finances for a month or two, so to be two weeks in and you be leaving she's bound to have her own financial concerns there.

Did you speak to the cm about naps and cleanliness (not sure if you mean clothes or nappies there)? Was there any back and forth communication about how things were going or was it just not discussed?

drspouse · 21/11/2018 10:59

When you say he was dirty, do you mean she didn't change his nappy though he'd soiled it while he was there?

YourHandInMyHand · 21/11/2018 11:01

Just re read and see baby only did four days there! Hardly much time given to settle in, communicate, work together, etc.

Original poster

AMOLTE · 21/11/2018 11:01

In the time he had the upset tummy she didn't receive him...So was me taking care of him..that time he didn't have any upset tummy and had dry poo on his bottom. So that one can be from morning or idk.she was registered offstead
I did pay her notice period .

OP posts:

underneaththeash · 21/11/2018 11:01

If you believe that she wasn't treating your child properly, I would consider complaining to OFSTED.
All childminders have to legally be registered with them.

It is normal to sign a contract before using a childminder, otherwise they would have no recourse if you decided to stop paying her. 1 month's notice period is also normal, however if she isn't caring for your child properly then she may be in breach of that contract.

drspouse · 21/11/2018 11:03

I would be very unhappy if a CM had left my child's bottom dirty with poo.

Sleeping as others have said is likely to be less in a new setting.

YearOfYouRemember · 21/11/2018 11:04

She sounds awful and like she knew she wasn't great as pushed for an immediate signing of contract.

When working as a nanny I would sign the contract promptly but it would be one weeks notice in the first month then three months after that.

Your baby having food spillages, fine. Dirty nappy and sore bum on pick up, not on.

I wouldn't slag her off on line but I wouldn't stay quiet if someone asked about her.

BottleOfJameson · 21/11/2018 11:04

I think there's a difference between a child minder wanting payment for their work and expecting one months notice (all perfectly reasonable) and a childminder only caring about their payment and having no interest in the child they're caring for or the concerns of the parent.

It sounds like the childminder didn't act to address OP's concerns and immediately jumped to discussing the one month notice period. This to me would be a red flag.

BertieBotts · 21/11/2018 11:07

Is she ofsted registered or just a random person who contacted you on the website?

Did you look at any other childminders or just go with the first one you came across?

And yes, what did you do to try to resolve the situation? Was there any policy discussion at all?

Original poster

AMOLTE · 21/11/2018 11:22

She was offstead and she was working before like a nursery manager. Why I'm saying she was interested just in money is because after first week she did send me my invoice for the next month without asking nothing.if the hours are changing or we going the same...if I'm happy with her care...nothing

OP posts:

vandrew4 · 21/11/2018 11:24

I would guess if you hadn't said anything she assumed all was fine. do you expect her to ask every 4 weeks if you want to change hours. you're sounding more and more unreasonable

vandrew4 · 21/11/2018 11:25

why shouldn't she send you next month's invoice

Original poster

AMOLTE · 21/11/2018 11:25

So after one week with her you send another invoice?

OP posts:

vandrew4 · 21/11/2018 11:26

well if the invoice was due, then yes

vandrew4 · 21/11/2018 11:27

why do you think she should have enquired if you want to change hours? how does that make her only interested in money and not in your child?

Original poster

AMOLTE · 21/11/2018 11:28

It wasn't, i was just paying her for that month.she was just desperate for money.

OP posts:

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