To not maintain contact with EX's family?

[AngelOfMusic4]

Me and Ex split 7 years ago, we have 2 DC together and have made our own contact arrangements (EOW) which we are both happy with.

His family have always been overbearing and they were horrendous when we were together, I have been civil and considerate but I received a text from my EX's DM saying that she wants to see the DC on the weekends that EX doesn't see them.

I told her that we make the most of the weekends we get to spend together and I would rather her not contact me about seeing them and to speak to EX about seeing the DC when it's his weekends.

AIBU? I don't want to be getting the DC ready in the morning and then have to wait in for them to be dropped home, I want to enjoy the weekend we have together.

Why can't they see them on that Ex's weekends?

She can get to fuck!

YANBU and yes, she can see them when your ex has them. Is she really asking you to hand them over on your weekends? Bizarre.

That's the thing they do, they see them when my EX has them. His DM wanted to see them on my weekends too.

Bizarre behaviour

YANBU. She needs to arrange with your ex when she will see them and it should be during his time. She should not be contacting you directly and you would be quite within your rights to tell her to discuss with him and then block any further calls.

I don't think that YABU at all.

BUT, do you think she has tried to arrange contact on Ex's weekends, and he has refused to co-operate? In which case, I think I would try to be the bigger person and try and facilitate contact with DC and their grandparents. It wouldn't be EOW though!

"No" will suffice.

Cross post! If she sees them EOW already, there is no way I would be letting her see them on "my" weekends.

That’s bonkers! So she wants you to do all the mundane day to day stuff during the week and then their family have them to do fun stuff with every weekend?! If I were you I would just block her number and not give her another thought!

You never have to speak to ex's family again OP. Those relationships are for ex to maintain.

Even if ex didn’t let her see dc on his weekend. I most certainly would not set a precedent whereby she has dc over your weekends!

When do you get to have fun/relax with your dc?

Block her.

YAB (a bit) U

The thing is, it's not about 'your' weekend or 'his' weekend, it's about what's best for your dc. I'm don't agree that ex mil should be able to see them every weekend, but an occasional one, if there's a family event or something particular, which can't be done at other times, then I don't think it's an unreasonable request.

My ex's brother (quite a bit older than ex so acted like a grandparent to our dc) has taken my dc out when they've been at mine. I've collected my niece from ex-sil on 'her' days so she can come out on trips with my dc.

DC should always be the focus and it can be hard for both grandparent and grandchild to be restricted to an hour or two once a fortnight 😕

There aren't enough middle finger gifs in the world to fully convey what my response to this would be!

The thing is, it's not about 'your' weekend or 'his' weekend, it's about what's best for your dc.

I'm fairly sure that spending some quality time with their mother would be more in the children's interest than being ferried around by grandparents that they already see regularly during contact time with their father.

if there's a family event or something particular, which can't be done at other times, then I don't think it's an unreasonable request.

but there isn't a family event or anything particular. The MIL just said she wants to see the children on the weekends they are with their mother as well as the weekends they are with their dad. The MIL wants to see her grandchildren every weekend while their own mother can't.

Just reply "that doesn't work for me". and leave it. If there is a special family event on OP's weekend, surely their dad will sort it. If not and it requires the MIL to ask, I'm sure the OP would be accomodating.

So MIL wants the DCs every weekend when neither of the DCs actual parents see them every weekend?

Not a chance. OP, YANBU. And if I were in your position, I'd be blocking their number.

YANBU. Your time with DC is limited already so why should you give up some of it to his family? YOUR contact time is YOURS, for YOU and YOUR family and YOUR parents. His family don’t get to eat into your time. Block them all - they’re his problem, not yours. They need to arrange with him to see DC in his contact time.

She's asked politely and you say no politely. Could she see them during the week? Perhaps one night a week, pick up from school, have dinner and drop home? My outlaws do this as they wanted to see the kids regularly and kids enjoy spa don't time with their grandparents plus doesn't impact on my time too mucb

"but an occasional one, if there's a family event or something particular, which can't be done at other times, then I don't think it's an unreasonable request"

That's because it isn't. But that's not what's happening here, is it? She's not asking for a specific day for a specific event, and getting her son to arrange a swop, she's just plain encroaching.

Block and ignore

You don’t have to explain yourself to them; either ignore or say no, they can arrange to see DC on ex’s weekend

she needs to arrange to see the children through her son it’s up to you to facilitate contact with his family. If she kept on asking I’d stop replying and possibly block her if she didn’t get the message after that. I have nothing to do with my ex’s family as I was so relieved to be rid of them all. No guilt here.

I've always accommodated for special occasions and have no problem swapping weekends if needed, she is asking to see DC on my weekends.

There has been times where EX hasn't seen them for weeks due to work and she hasn't contacted me to see them, it's since we've arranged regular contact that she has asked to see them on my weekends, I thought that was strange.

Say I to weekends but suggest a mid week day if you want and it would help. Like app suggested, they could pick up from school and take them for tea and drop them round later. Not encroaching on your family time and night actually help.

If she's already seeing then EOW then surely that's pretty frequent already. I'd be saying no.