AIBU to be hurt by my friends

[mooglycrunch]

I need advice on a telephone conversation I had with an old friend at the weekend that has left me feeling sad and uncomfortable - I can't get it out of my head.

We became friends 10 years ago after living in a house share, since then we have moved to the other sides of the country but still keep in contact. I have got married (she was a bridesmaid) I have had kids she is single, happily so and spends her time travelling and has just qualified as a yoga teacher.

I have 2 DS 2.5yrs and 10 weeks. I had hyperemesis in both and needed to be admitted to hospital. Cervical stitches for both, nearly lost DS 1 after that. Pre eclampsia for both that required long stays in hospital and Gestational Diabetes in the last one that needed to be controlled by insulin. In between I have also had another stay in hospital for something else.

When I called her at the weekend I had just come home after my youngest had spent a night on the Paediatric ward so was a bit all over the place. I started to explain that and she said she had to stop me.

Apparently I have "really changed into a negative person about health" and "it's now spreading to my children". In her view "you attract what you put out" that's why she always meets "spiritual people" when she travels and I am "sending out negative vibrations" that are now attracting "sickness to my children" and that's why my pregnancies were like that.

I could feel myself getting emotional about these comments but I changed the subject as she has a habit of dropping friendships if she feels they aren't "good for her" anymore - and we have been through a lot together. She has some pretty mad ideas (think internet Illuminati theories) but she and I have always been able to laugh at her slightly bonkers theories in the past and I've kind of admired her ability to stick to crazy theories through thick and thin!

It's suddenly not so funny when they are turned on you though. I realise that people's life and friendships change after kids but I thought we still had enough in common. I have always been careful to make sure I don't centre all conversations around my children, I am genuinely interested in her latest business venture or where she is visiting next or who she is dating but is she asks me what has been happening with me I'm going to answer truthfully.

AIBU unreasonable to feel sad, insulted and really hurt by her comments or do I just have to accept I've become a bloody health bore?

It's so offensive to say ill health is brought on by negative thinking. It's no different to when people used to think it was a result of sin and people were disabled because of the sins of their fathers.

Absolute offensive bollocks. It's also incredibly smug and unfeeling.

She really couldn't care less about your wellbeing and would much rather live in her yogic, bollocks, new age, zen, bubble without having to offer any kind of empathy or support.

I would have to ditch her after that

Well the next time something bad happens to her tell her she must have been sending out negative energy so it's her fault so shut up and think positive

She sounds like a total self-centred cunt!

First response nailed it.

You have had some really emotional stuff to deal with.
Sometimes we just have to accept that people we considered friends are total fruitcakes and it’s time to cut the cord.
Good friends are hard to find , but when you find them you’ll know

I've noticed a lot that the people who bang on most about positivity and getting rid of negativity are actually the most negative people out there. If you're genuinely a positive person then other people's negativity doesn't really affect you. So basically I'm saying that you're not the problem here. Get rid of her, or at the very least keep her at arms length. No one needs friends like her.

Yeah me and a friend have an old school trustafarian yoga teacher chum who rolls this stuff out and I always feel like saying, ‘so yeah, about those poor Syrians / Yemenis, yah? Are they just like, rilly rilly negative man? Attracting like, bad things like poison gas, drone attacks, starvation and having to flee their flattened homes and cities? They totally need some good pranayama instruction from a westerner right about now.’

shes an idiot

@trippingalongalong you’re fab.

OP the best you could say about your friend is she’s brainwashed and naive- move calmly away!!

Thanks everyone - I don't want a confrontation with her as frankly I don't have the stomach for it at the moment. I am still getting used to having a new baby again and feel,a bit sensitive, wobbly and unsure of myself. I've also realised that I won't be returning to my job that I love and didn't realise how much that was tied up with my identity and sense of worth. She definitely touched on a nerve with saying that I've changed alongside the obvious shitty comment about making my kids ill.

I think I just have to quietly refile her under friends that you don't share everything with or don't expect too much from - and that hurt.

Thanks fuck I didn't tell her that one of my cats had to be put down and the other is ill - that would probably have been my bloody fault too :(

She is awful, batshit and nasty to boot. Please dont keep someone like that in your life.

Jesus Christ. The worst thing about this is that she thinks she has a superior spiritual position here and actually she’s being cruel, stupid, and oppressive. The lack of empathy and imagination is staggering.

She is not your friend. Sorry OP.

Sounds like she is jealous of your happy family life, and she's showing it in a horribly spiteful way. Bin her off!

She's not really a friend. I think regardless of the past you share, it's better not to invite HER negativity into your life.

She’s a cunt. Only shitty people blame actual health issues on ‘bad vibes’ and ‘negative energy’. I’d phase her out tbh.