AIBU to be hurt by my friends

[mooglycrunch]

I need advice on a telephone conversation I had with an old friend at the weekend that has left me feeling sad and uncomfortable - I can't get it out of my head.

We became friends 10 years ago after living in a house share, since then we have moved to the other sides of the country but still keep in contact. I have got married (she was a bridesmaid) I have had kids she is single, happily so and spends her time travelling and has just qualified as a yoga teacher.

I have 2 DS 2.5yrs and 10 weeks. I had hyperemesis in both and needed to be admitted to hospital. Cervical stitches for both, nearly lost DS 1 after that. Pre eclampsia for both that required long stays in hospital and Gestational Diabetes in the last one that needed to be controlled by insulin. In between I have also had another stay in hospital for something else.

When I called her at the weekend I had just come home after my youngest had spent a night on the Paediatric ward so was a bit all over the place. I started to explain that and she said she had to stop me.

Apparently I have "really changed into a negative person about health" and "it's now spreading to my children". In her view "you attract what you put out" that's why she always meets "spiritual people" when she travels and I am "sending out negative vibrations" that are now attracting "sickness to my children" and that's why my pregnancies were like that.

I could feel myself getting emotional about these comments but I changed the subject as she has a habit of dropping friendships if she feels they aren't "good for her" anymore - and we have been through a lot together. She has some pretty mad ideas (think internet Illuminati theories) but she and I have always been able to laugh at her slightly bonkers theories in the past and I've kind of admired her ability to stick to crazy theories through thick and thin!

It's suddenly not so funny when they are turned on you though. I realise that people's life and friendships change after kids but I thought we still had enough in common. I have always been careful to make sure I don't centre all conversations around my children, I am genuinely interested in her latest business venture or where she is visiting next or who she is dating but is she asks me what has been happening with me I'm going to answer truthfully.

AIBU unreasonable to feel sad, insulted and really hurt by her comments or do I just have to accept I've become a bloody health bore?

Basically in a nutshell shes not interested in listening to you and your childrens health problems and shes dressing it up in fluffy bollocks.

It is very difficult listening to this but if she was a proper friend then she would do. She isn't so what you decide to do now is upto you.

Wow I think her comments about you pushing your negatives (or whatever it was) onto your pregnancies and children’s illness is just plain nasty, regardless of what she believes in. Manners cost nothing.

In your shoes I don’t think I’d want to carry on with the friendship.

Yanbu for finding her rude and hurtful, yabu for still thinking she's a friend.

You could give her one more chance - point out that health is not a moral quality and can't always be chosen - but she's shown you who she is.

Is she anti vaccination as well?

Batshit and a cunt of the highest order.

Her views are disablist in general, and her attitude towards you (supposedly her friend) was cruel.

This is terrible. What a horrible thing to say. Not only is it untrue she’s making you feel at fault for things that are out of your control.

The comments about projecting it all to your children would be enough for me to cut her out. She’s not a friend. She may thing she is spiritual, understanding and emphatic but it’s all bollocks. She’s just nasty.

dame just about to ask this too!

Sounds like she'd just come back from some uber-woo shite-course on how 'negativity' can affect your health. And you caught the fallout.

I was plagued with woo merchants when I had cancer - I entertained myself with thinking of different ways to say 'fuck off you basketing madhat'.

Ditch her, or when she next phones and starts talking, interrupt her and say 'I must stop you, you have changed into one of those people who have allowed themselves to be brainwashed by mindless woo, and it is affecting your friendships because you seem to talk only total bollocks, and no one wants to hear that. Byeee'

I think you need to accept your friend has become a weirdo

Yip Yes Aye Defo

She's irrational and also ridiculously insensitive. It takes a fairly narcisstic person to go on a yoga course and suddenly consider herself a medical expert.

And yet, when she falls ill, which she inevitably will at some point, being 'spiritual' doesn't make you invincible, you will probably be the first person she calls to moan about it.

She sounds completely batshit.

As soon as you said travels and has become a ‘yoga teacher’ i was 🙄

Ouch. I'm not one for going NC, I would text/ring her and tell her she has deeply hurt you.

It's ironic because she's the one giving you the negative vibes and making you feel bad.

Ditch her. Don't hold on to a bad friend and friendship because of a shared history.

Point her to all the obituaries of people who thought homeopathy and yoga from an internet guru would cure their cancer better than someone who’s studied medicine their whole lives and then tell her she needs to apologise because she’s been a total shit. Ask her how you’re supposed to be positive when she’s being so negative about YOU!

YANBU. I had a “friend” like this who was obsessed with the Law of Attraction. I was hospitalised with an abscess and she told me it had formed due to internalised anger from my childhood. Cut ties after that.

Fuck her! She has no clue and is worse, totally ignorant AND self absorbed. You can tell her I said that.

My DM had a 'friend' like this. Who told her that she was dying of cancer because she didn't believe in God enough. Apparently all she had to do was pray and believe that she was going to get better.

I'm quite glad I never met this person, because I would have socked her one.

Arrrrgh why do people always go on about the sadness or grief that people with serious health issues have had?! It just feels so judgemental & non-scientific. She sounds awful OP.

I don't think you're BU but like you said, she's always been a conspiracy nut so don't take it personally. She sounds a bit brainwashed and believes she's ultra enlightened through travel and meditation- cringe.

I have to agree with PP's. What ever she is practicing it is not spirituality. It is too pseudo and text book.
If anything she should be listening and calming the situation not being antagonistic.
Believe me. I know!!

Sounds like this yoga fanatic has been brainwashed by someone or some 'new age thinking' fad. If all we had to do was think positively to avoid illness then we would have no need for the medical profession. Reminds me of when I was taken in by the hypnobirthing crap and actually believed i could just 'breathe my baby out' with positive thinking and music there would be no pain ahaha. What a load of crap, I was in total denial and the pain was such a shock (back to back), I wished I'd ignored all the 'advice'. It's the age old people will say anything to sell a book/dvd etc..I bet she has being reading some bullsh*t book or programme about positive energy. You should feel sorry for her that she is so gullible and remember that people will believe anything they find more comforting to believe that helps them to feel in control (earth is flat anyone?!). It's up to you whether you think it's worth pursuing this friendship, if it was me I'd have a cooling off period and wait and see if she gets in contact or even notices. It could have been a one off, she was having a bad day and could find any empathy so ended up being tactless instead, no point resenting it as it was clearly an idiotic thing to say.

Have you tried turning your WiFi off at night, it will help you sleep better and rid you of bad energy? Juice and eat 3 kilos of carrots a day with turmeric, very good anti inflammatory. And watch out for Big farmer Pharma!

And your friend is a dick.

There is toxicity in your life, but not emanating from you ! Time for you to to let her ‘Y’og on !

Ask her what negativity she is carrying around that causes her to be such a twat. Nothing spiritually enlightened about her insensitive remarks. Bloody fruit loop, I’d drop her.

You poor thing OP. Your friend is being a massive idiot. I had pre eclampsia on both my pregnancies as well and to be honest I was so sick on my first pregnancy that I really think it was life changing for me.