To think that some men actually work hard and need a break?

[howonearthdoyoucopewith3]

I see so many threads on here saying how useless DH are unless they appear through the door early, take over childcare etc, how they must be shirking and pretending to be at work etc. However, some men do actually have stressful jobs. Why should man (or women if roles are reversed and you have a SAHD and mum who works full time) come in after a full on stressful day and immediately be told he is fully in charge and has to deal with everything? Being at home all day is like doing 'work', but you are then basically saying a SAHM works all day so should get the night off, and the DH works out of the home all day and then should continue to 'work' at home too?

This probably seems really unfeminist or something but it does seem that on MN people seem to think that being at work all day is a treat/rest!

[Feb2018mumma]

I get what you mean, it does seem like if you work you should love looking after kids straight away and if you stay home you need a break from it? I think finding a balance is really hard though and anyone who has found one please let me know!

[Feb2018mumma]

@SoyDora just read your statement and YES! Newborn and breastfeeding is way harder but know when I'm working part time and baby is in school I will have it easier and will do alot more round the house, whereas at the moment husband helps with house or nothing gets done!

[londonmummy1966]

The problem with equal leisure time is how you define leisure. When DC were small DH often worked abroad in the week. Although he mucked in when he was here he saw the weekend as his time as he'd been working all week without a break. I saw his uninterrupted evenings going to nice restaurants and bars with his colleagues - who were a lovely and fun crowd - as part of his leisure time whereas he saw it as work. He also volunteers to run stuff locally and doesn't seem to understand that that is his choice and therefore part of his leisure time.

[thenewaveragebear1983]

My Dh works hard, very hard. I’m a sahm and I work hard too. It’s not the same ‘hard’ but it’s equivalent. Plus in two weeks at his Christmas do he’ll get rewarded with a nice bottle of whiskey and lots of back slapping and praise, whereas I get nothing!

[thenewaveragebear1983]

Plus, I put my foot down about ‘leisure time’ and now I go out running for 2-3 hours a week every week. Funnily enough, even though when I started that we were agreed that he would do the same, he very rarely takes me up on the offer!

[HellsGrandma]

My DP works in I.T. and this means that he works most of the bloody time. We can have zero holidays and zero days off except maybe a saturday or sunday here and there. I miss him, the fucking company have him, I don't give enough shits about money to think this is ok.

[festivellama]

Depends what you mean by 'work hard' to be fair.

If someone spends all day digging roads or emtying dustbins or clambering on rooftops or wrangling schoolkids or toiling in the fields, then they are knackered and do need a bit of a rest when they get in.

If they've been sitting at a computer or round a board table all day, then they can bloomin' well get stuck in to the chores right away.

[SoyDora]

Why does working in IT mean he doesn’t ever get days off/holidays?! I know a lot of people who work in IT and they’ve all had the legal amount of annual leave.

[HellsGrandma]

Also, he's really bloody unfit because of work, totally unfair.

[HellsGrandma]

@soydora He gets the legal BUT he is in demand and so the legal is interrupted and this seems 'normal' within the business.

[TedAndLola]

HellsGrandma It's not because he works in IT, it's because he works for a shit company. It really is his choice.

[SoyDora]

^ what TedAndLola said. I have worked for large companies with large IT departments. I have worked for small companies with small IT departments. I have worked in very busy, stressful envirobments. The IT staff have all been treated in exactly the same way as all other staff. Legally and respectfully.

[DishranawaywiththeSpoon]

I know plenty of people who well in IT, of varying levels of importance and all of them have normal holidays

I don't think I've ever read on MN that a man should just come in from work and do all the housework and the woman just relax. Rd about sharing the evening work + childcare out so both parents have equal free time

Theres two options really: SAH parenting is not work in which case the man can do it when he gets in because it's not work.
Or it is work in which case the SAHP has been working all day so all evening chores and childcare should be shared out evenly as both parents have been working all day

If someone's job is so stressful and so tiring that they can't possibly care for their own DC when they get it from work I would question whether they should have been having DC in first place. Having DC is hard work and it does mean you have a lot less free time, if someone has no free time to give then they don't actually have time to have children. Both working parents and SAHP should share the load when both are there.

[Looneytune253]

Lol yes it might be hard being out at work all day BUT I’m sure no wife expects her dh to run around after her while she sits and puts her feet up? It’s called working together as a team until everything is done. Why should he sit and put his feet up while the wife is still running around doing chores whilst also watching the kids?