Would you remove privileges for school refusal?

[tomatopineapple]

DS is 11 and has been having a hard time since starting secondary school. He hates it and has frequently said he doesn't want to go. I have frequently been late to work due to this. This morning he refused altogether - turned out an older boy has been bullying him. This is the second time since September he has refused school.

DP took the day off with DS, who eventually did go to school when two staff from school came round this afternoon.

DS wants to go on the Xbox tonight which is his favourite thing to do. He does use it as a means of escape.

I think he should be allowed a short time on the Xbox, as he was refusing school due to being bullied not due to just not being bothered to go. DP, who spent the day at home as I said, thinks DS should not be allowed as it sets a precedent that it's ok to miss school when things are tough.

What's others' opinions on this?

poor kid, year 7, just started school, not settled and being bullied by older kids.

OP, the x-box is a red herring, you need to get to the bottom of what is going on at school. If you are not confident that the school will deal with it properly, then move schools.

I have had experience with 2 school refusers (I hate the term as it implies an element of choice)

Both have ASD both late and recent diagnosises.

My son's ASD was not diagnosed until he had been 'refusing' school for several months. The reality of the situation was that his unsupported needs in school made him so anxious that he couldn't attend. I tried everything to force my son to go to school before taking professional advice to address the problem. I shouted, I dragged him in (he was a bit younger) I banned after school activities and tv etc and I can categorically tell you it had the opposite to the desired effect. He now has a school phobia so serious that I have to home school him.

My daughter who also has ASD has had periods where she has been very anxious and tearful in the morning and has said she doesn't want to go. I have learnt from the experience with my son to acknowledge that anxiety and to promise I will work with her on it. She has had days when she hasn't gone in but has a much better relationship with school and better support in school and can go in . I have never punished her or belittled her anxiety.

Those who say punish the children literally have NO IDEA!!!

yes my DD refuses school because she's not being supported with friendship problems that cause her terrible worry. We don't punish her of course but I do think your DP was cross as he lost a day at work and that could have been acknowledged without anyone being punished - especially as he's not the dad.

i do think these types of issues are so hard, it's difficult not to make a few wrong turns when parenting.

I skived school for bullying and reasons mentioned above. He needs support and a safe place at home (which is what I ended up with).

If you can move him to another school, this would also be fantastic (I couldn't sadly).

Your DP is also a bully