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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas meal deposit - AIBU?

74 replies

Mumofcats5 · 20/11/2018 16:48

Hi all
I’ve organsied a sports team that I’m in’ Christmas team dinner. Everyone all very eager and paid their deposits to me, which I have then paid to the restaurant.
It’s 2 weeks away and I’m trying to get menu choices in. Someone has just said that they can’t make it. Which is fine. Except this person has then private messaged me to ask for their deposit to be returned.
Now, AIBU, but a deposit is non refundable right? Should I give this person back their £10 which would leave me out of pocket?

OP posts:
BakedBeans47 · 24/11/2018 11:10

Check with venue whether you can get it back. If you can then return it to person, if not then tell them it's non refundable

This

MummaGiles · 24/11/2018 11:13

Presumably the whole deposit paid will come off the bill, even if there are fewer people than the original booking? So this person is going to be funding £10 of everyone else’s food? Could you not pay £10 less of the balance on the night if that is the case and then give them the deposit back?

bimbobaggins · 24/11/2018 11:17

mumma that’s not how most deposits work.
They usually only take the deposits of the numbers who turn up off the final bill. It’s says so on our booking

Birdsgottafly · 24/11/2018 11:24

"I just thought it was odd that someone would think they could get a deposit back...."

As you've found out, it was reasonable to ask, because many places would give you the deposit back.

"end of drama"

There wasn't any drama, you just overreacted by posting this thread, rather than ask the restaurant.

Are you going to do that today?

Oldraver · 24/11/2018 11:27

I would always assume a deposit was non-refundable.

I think it's ok for them to ask, but not expect it back

Bellabutterfly2016 · 24/11/2018 11:44

I'm organising 2 meals this Xmas for different groups, I usually end up doing it but 1 place this year wanted the "deposit" (non-refundable within 7 days of me booking it) and then after that, the full amount 4 weeks beforehand.

To me that's loads easier than a bill at the table on the night as people just go to the bar and pay their own drinks.

Afew people weren't happy but reluctantly paid it (I refused to pay it out my own pocket) and then only this week 1 woman said she couldn't go and could I refund her?!?!?!

I just messaged her back saying I can't it's non-refundable but that I'd be happy to put a note out on Facebook to say that there's a space free if anyone wanted to go - and she said ok I hope YOU find me someone as it's a lot of money to loose (£42 disco and dinner at a hotel!)

My dp said cheeky mare! So I've put a notice out but as out of the group of 23 of us 17 are going (it was 18) which leaves 5 possibles.
1 is away that weekend but would have come
1 is a jehovas witness and doesn't celebrate Christmas
1 is vegan and didn't like the menu options
2 are very young girls who said it wasn't really their thing!

Maybe someone would want to bring a friend/ sister but that's a bit odd as they won't know the rest of the group 😬

OffToBedhampton · 24/11/2018 12:22

@Bellabutterfly2016. Oh well, last-minute-Annie that cancelled doesn't get any of it back then.
If that was restaurants' policy, thems the rules! She knew it was a pay upfront to restaurant and took the risk. (She shouldn't berate you as you don't have 'her money' and it's no longer her money it's the restaurant's now. You haven't kept it! It's up to HER to find a replacement if she wants someone else to take up her place. I hate organising big meals out for precisely the dropperouterCF factor! )

OffToBedhampton · 24/11/2018 12:25

@Bellabutterfly2016 I'd be inclined to say 'nope, tried, not possible" but if you want to organise someone else to take your paid place and THEY pay YOU back then fill your boots!

You really don't need that stress. Your DP is right!

Bellabutterfly2016 · 24/11/2018 19:38

@OffToBedhampton
Well, posted on fb hours ago no replies so I'm guessing she's out of pocket now. She private messaged me an hour ago I said I'd email the hotel but that the terms and conditions I've signed clearly state "non-refundable"!
She's also just told me the reason why she isn't coming, the girl who does her hair is mobile and that's the only night in December or time she can get an appointment 😳

CoughLaughFart · 24/11/2018 19:53

It would have been simple enough to tell your friends that the deposit was non-refundable rather than assuming they would know. Lots of places have policies along the lines of ‘Deposits non-refundable if booking cancelled with 48 hours or less notice’. I don’t see why you’d have a problem with someone checking.

OffToBedhampton · 24/11/2018 20:17

@Bellabutterfly2016 GrinGrin

Frankly she's losing her money over a hairdresser appmt ?! Ah a an idiot! Oh to be so flush... I do hope you reply by text ...

"Nope non refundable , already paid restaurant. I asked & tried but no one in group is interested in your place. But if you want to organise someone else to take your paid place so that they can pay you back direct, then off you go. Please just let me know name of person replacing you"

GrinGrin

OffToBedhampton · 24/11/2018 20:19

And I hope OP @Mumofcats5 does the same!

Bellabutterfly2016 · 24/11/2018 20:24

I don't think many places, especially hotels refund within 48 hours and more so at Christmas - they'd loose too much money and never fill the place at short notice.

I've just left it now but I was shocked when she told me she was having her hair done instead - I just think that sounds ridiculous 😂

OffToBedhampton · 24/11/2018 20:27

@CoughLaughFart. But maybe it isn't. Once I pay a deposit I assume that's gone. (Infact I worry that I'll get charged whole meal if I cancel as some places order in ahead for Xmas meals and really don't like groups dropping their numbers!) . It's usually not just one...

The deposit has been paid and isn't with OP to give back. So it isn't her problem anymore. She can ask when she's ringing up anyway (but unless person is in hospital or at hospital bedside which would be different) , I think she has every right to say i cancelled your place and will ask when I speak to them next but suspect it is non refundable. Why is it ok to put extra pressure onto the person who organised it as no one else would?

OffToBedhampton · 24/11/2018 20:28

Yup. @Bellabutterfly2016 she's an idiot and her hairdo has just cost her £40+ extra!!! HmmGrin

CoughLaughFart · 24/11/2018 20:32

*@CoughLaughFart. But maybe it isn't. Once I pay a deposit I assume that's gone. (Infact I worry that I'll get charged whole meal if I cancel as some places order in ahead for Xmas meals and really don't like groups dropping their numbers!) . It's usually not just one... *

What’s your point? All I was saying is, it wasn’t unreasonable to ask the question.

OffToBedhampton · 24/11/2018 20:38

Don't want to mix up two scenarios. As OP is talking about deposit. That she may or may not get back and will pass in if she does. But if it's non refundable, it's lost.

@ Bellabutterfly2016 is talking about someone who paid nobrefundable deposit AND ordered her meal AND and paid upfront 4 weeks beforehand as per restaurant policy - clearly restaurant won't refund in that circumstance as evidence is they order ahead- who now wants to cancel and be refunded entirely by BellaButterfly -who hasn't her money- or for Bella to find someone else to yake her place & pay her back!!- because of a hairdresser appointment she has now booked at the American time as meal. Which she had all year to book but happened to book at booked meal time!!HmmConfused total CF!!

OffToBedhampton · 24/11/2018 20:41

@CoughLaughFart. I'm.sure OP.will ask but have you ever organised a meal out with many people that you chase? It isn't easy with rest of busy life. I'm sure OP will ask the question but it won't be her inky priority nor should she be out under pressure for it, as the presumption that is all she has to do, an extra task on top of already organising who has what and is ordering what, that is frankly annoying with lastminuteannies.

OffToBedhampton · 24/11/2018 20:43

*'only' priority and 'put' not out.

lippy72 · 24/11/2018 20:43

I've cancelled going to my Christmas do list my deposit that was my choice you are not being unreasonable

dontalltalkatonce · 24/11/2018 21:12

She's a pisstaker, Butterfly. I'd use Off's reply if she gets back to you.

CoughLaughFart · 24/11/2018 21:19

I'm.sure OP.will ask but have you ever organised a meal out with many people that you chase? It isn't easy with rest of busy life. I'm sure OP will ask the question but it won't be her inky priority nor should she be out under pressure for it

Im talking about the friend asking the OP the question, not the OP asking the restaurant.

dontalltalkatonce · 24/11/2018 21:22

This is exactly why places charge these non-refundable deposits. Flakey people cost money.

Yidette86 · 24/11/2018 23:40

I would always assume that a deposit was non refundable unless told otherwise.

No way should you refund unless the restaurant does.

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