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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask for positive things about periods?

70 replies

Inmyownlittlecorner · 20/11/2018 15:10

DD1, 9 & in year 5, has had the puberty talk at school. It was clearly presented well as she’s now very excited about puberty & growing up!
I’ve always had awful periods, very heavy & painful. I also get a huge variety of pms symptoms, some every month (diarrhoea, cramps, anxiety, extra emotional), some every few months (headaches, javelin arse) & occasionally a brand new one pops up (wobbly legs) & doesn’t reappear again for ages.
I’ve bought her a couple of books to read, but I really want to encourage her to keep feeling that periods etc are a positive thing & to feel empowered by becoming a woman & that it’s all natural & our bodies are bloody brilliant. Does anyone have any words of wisdom/stories on how to do this please??

OP posts:

TintinandSnowy · 20/11/2018 23:13

The great feeling when it's finished and you've got 3 whole weeks or more until the next one.

SerenDippitty · 20/11/2018 23:16

My female body was never able to create and carry a new human being so I felt that all those years of pain and mess were in vain and I welcomed the menopause. Not very positive sorry.

ILoveAutum · 20/11/2018 23:34

I really want to encourage her to keep feeling that periods etc are a positive thing & to feel empowered by becoming a woman

Say what?

Periods are a positive thing? Errr no, they’re an annoying inconvenience. Stop making them out to be something they’re not. You’ll build them up to be some kind of amazing thing then she’ll wonder why hers aren’t.

She won’t be ‘becoming a woman’, she’ll be a CHILD getting her period. Stop putting pressure on her to be different once they arrive. She won’t be. She’ll be the same CHILD.

halfwitpicker · 21/11/2018 01:53

I can't believe more people don't have positive things to say about periods!

It's a time for you to rest, put feet up, eat nice food and go to bed early, aka red tent style.
It's a time of renewal, your body is renewing itself, shedding the old, welcoming the new.
It means you are healthy.

Sashkin · 21/11/2018 01:58

I can’t think of any positives, but then I can’t think of any positives about peeing or brushing my teeth either. It’s just a normal bodily function that she needs to accept and minimise the amount of headspace she gives it.

ItsalmostSummer · 21/11/2018 02:05

I would tell her how it is for you. What I missed is not realizing my kids had very heavy periods until much later. They didn’t say anything as they thought it was normal and young girls don’t talk about it, and as I didn’t talk about my experience they didn’t know. I’d say something. Also if you say just change your pad every few hours to be comfortable (and say how to change a pad or whatever) be sure to say but some people have to change every hour, and some can go all day without needing to change themselves. We all bleed differently. I think that takes some of the horrors off what actually happens do her and just being real means she can come and ask about it. She won’t get a fright and she can ask for help if she needs to, and not suffer thinking heavy periods are normal. They're not.

giftsonthebrain · 21/11/2018 02:07

I do like the monthly reminder that I’m a fertile woman and can carry and give life.
That’s it though, there’s nothing about he actual menses that’s pleasant.
Menopause however is amazing!

junebirthdaygirl · 21/11/2018 04:55

I would just go with the facts. I did say to dd that looking around all those girls and women are having periods and getting on with life so its ok.
Hopefully she will have an easier time than you but its good for her to know she can come to you if she has difficulties with them.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 21/11/2018 07:06

PMT symptoms can be positive too. I get a little surge of energy and being organised just before my period. It's the only time I do housework and, magically, things I've been procrastinating about actually get done

Eliza9917 · 21/11/2018 07:29

@halfwitpicker It means you are healthy

No it doesn't. Not for everyone. I still get periods and my cycle is wayyyy fucked (last period was September) and there's something wrong somewhere.

Eliza9917 · 21/11/2018 07:30

@giftsonthebrain I do like the monthly reminder that I’m a fertile woman and can carry and give life

Again, this is bullshit.

Cel982 · 21/11/2018 12:02

Again, this is bullshit.

No, it is not bullshit for someone to have positive feelings about a largely unavoidable fact of life. It may not be your experience of or attitude to periods, but it doesn't make it any less valid. For most women, regular monthly periods are a sign of a functioning reproductive system.

Eliza9917 · 21/11/2018 12:37

But that's not true. Just having a period does not mean you are fertile.

BettyBitchface · 21/11/2018 12:49

Please don't tell her it's all unicorns and rainbows.

As you suffer with them, it's a distinct possibility that so will she.
If she does, it may leave her feeling that something must be wrong with her if she believes every other woman has no problems with it.

This happened to me because a female relative told me it was nothing and I was making a big fuss over nothing. At the time I was 14, having periods so heavy that if I didn't walk carefully with my legs clamped together would flood all over the place and would get cramps so painful that I was lying stiff as a board on the floor with my stomach in front of the gas fire breathless with pain. It improved a little as I've aged but not much.

Until I discovered Mumsnet and read other people's experiences, I though I was a pathetic freak about periods and it really affected my mental health for years. I really fucking hate the bitch who laughed at me and told me periods were nothing.

Myfanwyprice · 21/11/2018 13:09

I had the chat with dd last night, she’s almost 9, and I’m pretty sure puberty has started for her, feel a bit upset that’s she so young and also a bit nervous as her 12 year old brother has hit puberty too - I really hoped the 4 year age gap meant we’d be over one lot of puberty before the other started!

Anyway, like op I want her to be fully prepared and have all the info, I think it’s the unknown that I can’t say they will start at this age, but want her to know they will begin within the next couple of years and to know it’s normal. I said that they can feel like a load of hangers are trying to fight their way out of your tummy, but you can take calpol and snuggle up with a hot water bottle and some chocolate! We had a lovely chat and then she said I think that’s enough of that talk!! I made sure she knows she can ask me anything at any time

SerenDippitty · 21/11/2018 13:19

But that's not true. Just having a period does not mean you are fertile.

^^This

OutPinked · 21/11/2018 13:25

Agree with PP that it’s a novelty to begin with. I remember being extremely excited to start mine and annoyed it happened so late (just short of my 13th birthday, all of my friends had already started). The novelty wore off after a few months .

In truth I don’t think there is a way to add a positive spin to something as wretched as periods. Just obviously demistify it and make sure she isn’t scared of it.

Cautionsharpblade · 21/11/2018 13:25

I'd be careful about linking puberty too strongly with fertility. It made me furious that my body was going through these shitty changes so that I could have a baby that I did not want. I associated the shame and disgust I felt at puberty with babies and started hating them. To be honest I still have no warm feelings towards them and am child free.

I can't think of a single good thing to say about periods and I'm someone who never suffered with them - it was quite an eye opener when I read on Mumsnet what a hard time some poor women and girls have each month. I agree with @Sashkin - it's a bodily function that we have to deal with.

Life0fBrian · 21/11/2018 13:35

It’s definitely not a sign of fertility. My friend has about two a year and has managed to conceive 5 babies. Another friend has very erratic irregular periods and is the same.

Mine were like clockwork and I’ve never missed one in my life but I couldn’t conceive naturally despite ovulation etc.

It’s better to be honest. They’re shit and you understand that and will support her through how shit they are. My mother was very much ‘oh get on with it’ ...no clue about the agony and because it wasn’t a subject to discuss, I didn’t know until I was an adult something was wrong.

Sonders · 21/11/2018 13:35

I've hated every period since my first at 13, and having the implant out 2 years ago - I also have the unpredictability in my cycle and literal hormonal rage which I hate almost as much as the horrific cramps.

And I can personally attest that having periods does not equal fertility, or mean you're healthy. Like some PPs have said, it's a bodily function. Not having them would be a cause for concern, but our monthly visitor is just an inconvenient bitch.

I would focus on normalising periods as much as possible. It wasn't discussed in my house so I suffered in silence. Talk about the pain, the mess, the rage, and the sanitary options as casually and openly as you'd talk about toothpaste.

I didn't learn the joy of hot water bottles until my mid-twenties - so that's a decade of monthly pain just because of taboo - and that's bullpish.

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