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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask for positive things about periods?

70 replies

Inmyownlittlecorner · 20/11/2018 15:10

DD1, 9 & in year 5, has had the puberty talk at school. It was clearly presented well as she’s now very excited about puberty & growing up!
I’ve always had awful periods, very heavy & painful. I also get a huge variety of pms symptoms, some every month (diarrhoea, cramps, anxiety, extra emotional), some every few months (headaches, javelin arse) & occasionally a brand new one pops up (wobbly legs) & doesn’t reappear again for ages.
I’ve bought her a couple of books to read, but I really want to encourage her to keep feeling that periods etc are a positive thing & to feel empowered by becoming a woman & that it’s all natural & our bodies are bloody brilliant. Does anyone have any words of wisdom/stories on how to do this please??

OP posts:
ElectricMonkey · 20/11/2018 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mostdays · 20/11/2018 19:08

I was 10 at menarche. My dm tried doing the 'look at all the positives' thing too. It didn't work. I'm just not a Red Tent type.

What was helpful was very emotionless factual information, access to a range of sanitary products, hot water bottle and paracetemol available, support in telling my ballet teacher why I would either have to break the uniform rules (pale pink leotard with no underwear Hmm ) or miss some lessons, that sort of thing.

And if she's young when she starts, please whatever you do don't tell her "you're a woman now", because it just isn't true.

Kudos to you for asking and thinking about the best way to handle this!

howabout · 20/11/2018 19:08

Don't think being told they are a great thing helps. Don't overshare the horrors but give her space to ask for coping strategies,

On the plus side my late teens reckon any mention of periods is enough to shut up all annoying teenage boys. Even works on their poor DF, despite him having 4 sisters.

GertrudetheFifth · 20/11/2018 19:08

Just say that they show that every month that all is working exactly as it should, and it’s a sign that one day if she decides that she would like a baby then her body is ready.

AnoukSpirit · 20/11/2018 19:28

Don't be letting her think the rest of us love them or she'll end up feeling inadequate or that something's wrong with her.

This.

Don't you think she might resent you somewhat if you spin her all these glorious tales and then she starts her periods and realises it's fucking painful and hideous and you didn't bother to tell her all the nasty stuff so she had no chance to mentally prepare to face it?

Knowledge will empower her. If she's not prepared for the reality and what she can do to help herself then she has no power and is not empowered. How incredibly distressing and disempowering to be psyched up for glorious womanhood only to discoverr when it arrives it's nothing like the sales pitch and you have no idea how to handle it, cope with it, endure it, or make it better. You specifically say you want her to feel empowered, so shouldn't this be your focus? Giving her power. That's what the word means.

Empowerment isn't about glossy positivity slogans. It's about having the knowledge, tools, and ability to change the things causing you problems. To influence your own life and circumstances. So be real with her, and equip her for the things she'll face. Talk to her about all the different ways to manage pain, the ways to manage activities, the ways to not let them hold you back, the ways to still feel confident, the ways to keep herself prepared, where to turn if it seems to all be going wrong, the ways to cope psychologically (e.g. Talking and bonding with others, counting down until it's over...!)...

You can show her it's not a terrifying nightmare, by being honest and showing all the ways there are to cope with issues and symptoms. By sharing examples of times when you felt like your period was going to ruin something but you made it through, or when something embarrassing happened and what you did in response and how you feel now about it. That also gives her the chance to think about what might make her feel more confident and in control, and what would help her if she has periods like yours, for example. Then you can prepare.

As an example, I still remember being devastated the first time I was on during a school trip, but that is a useful experience to chat through and let her raise worries and concerns and problem solve - rather than considering it for the first time when it's actually happening and she's too upset to think calmly. Plus, if you bring up the difficult stuff (from a survival skills perspective!) it gives her a chance to talk to you about any worries that she might feel embarrassed to raise if she thinks she's supposed to be 100% excited and enthusiastic 100% of the time.

Don't just spin her all this glories of womanhood stuff without any practical tools. Pain is all natural, dying from infection is all natural, but nobody tries to say they're positive. False positivity isn't empowerment.

Oh, and I can't think of any woman I've ever known in real life who's talked about her periods as some great positive wonderful thing. I don't remember any of the girls at my school who were excited in advance, still thinking periods were great once they actually started. It won't be great if she feels deceived.

The positivity is in all the ways you can cope with them and take control of things, not in periods themselves.

AnoukSpirit · 20/11/2018 19:31

And in all the ways you will be there to help and support her.

LuluBellaBlue · 20/11/2018 19:33

If you’re spiritual at all there’s a whole heap of stuff that can be done, loads of reading material out there.
I use mine as a blessing each month.

Life0fBrian · 20/11/2018 19:38

You’ll buy her chocolate? She can watch movies with a hot water bottle? That’s about the only positives I can think of ...I have endometriosis so from the age of starting my periods (bloody 11 ffs!) it was horrendous and I could hardly stand up. I’m permanently on the pill so it no longer rules my life.

They’re shit. If my DDs suffer like I did / would do without the pill, I’ll be taking them to the doctors.

AnoukSpirit · 20/11/2018 19:41

Or you could take the Skopje approach to the glories of womanhood.

Pretty sure these statues are accompanied not only by sequences of dramatic water displays, but rousing music as well.

AIBU to ask for positive things about periods?
AIBU to ask for positive things about periods?
Cantfindausername1 · 20/11/2018 20:02

I get bad cramps but always have amazing poo's.feels like Ive had a colonic irrigation. Dread periods but love the big poos. Always feel better after that.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 20/11/2018 20:22

You make the big poos sound awesome!

I get the runs something terrible on my period Sad

I also only found out this is a "thing" on MN!

Maybe another upside - bonding with other girls over how inconvenient they are??

gingernutrichtea · 20/11/2018 20:22

I like being able to do what I want for those few days. Eat whatever and be as bitchy as I want

NothingOnTellyAgain · 20/11/2018 20:23

I was factual with DD who started at just after her 10th birthday poor thing > before she even went into yr 6.

She is gettign on with it fine.

The other one is going to find the whole thing "gross" she freaks out when I scratch my ear FFS I have no idea how I'm going to handle her.

YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan · 20/11/2018 20:33

If someone is really winding you up, once a month you can stab them in the forehead with a pair of scissors and blame it on your period.

PS: you can't really do that but it made my daughter giggle and it's our code word now. She says she's reaching scissor level when it's that time of the month so I know to intervene quickly if her brother starts winding her up!

dawnacorns · 20/11/2018 20:47

Good excuse to eat chocolate and miss swimming/PE Wink

LuvSmallDogs · 20/11/2018 21:17

A sign that my reproductive system appears healthy, and severe changes to it can be a warning sign that something’s wrong.

MakeAHouseAHome · 20/11/2018 21:27

I would be inclined to present the realities (they can be terrible....) but more importantly that there ARE solutions. So she knoew she can come to you if they are terrible and explore options to regulate/stop them.

Ubertasha2 · 20/11/2018 22:18

None, whatsoever as I am in excruciating agony each month. They are messy, gross, smelly, expensive...I can’t wait for the menopause in many ways.

But, for me (like many other women), a chance to spoil myself with pampering sessions, food and films, without feeling guilty for once.

And if she ever wanted a kid herself, I guess!

Ubertasha2 · 20/11/2018 22:19

Also, it means you’re not a man, which I personally would not want to be!

Eliza9917 · 20/11/2018 22:35

Positive things about periods?

They aren't constant.

WinterfellWench · 20/11/2018 22:36

Nope. Not one single positive about periods. Not one.

AnotherPidgey · 20/11/2018 22:48

You feel so great, you could go roller skating in white jeans...

...oh, didn't happen to me either Wink

burnoutbabe · 20/11/2018 23:05

Positive things, well as soon as your an adult you can go on injections or get a coil and have no periods ever again if lucky.
Mine at 13-19 were fine, slight tummy cramp day 1 and no homonal swings. Still, why would anyone chose to bleed if they can avoid it?

blackteasplease · 20/11/2018 23:07

Well they mean the human race continues in guess. Is that a positive?

blackteasplease · 20/11/2018 23:08

ubertasha2

Also, it means you’re not a man, which I personally would not want to be!

How transphobic of you Wink